Emotional Shelters: Building Resilience and Finding Happiness

No one is the center of the world, and the universe wasn’t made solely to create happiness for its diverse inhabitants. Each individual experiences life through a unique lens, shaped by personal circumstances and perceptions. In this vast cosmos, we often find ourselves searching for meaning and joy amidst the chaos. The universe provides us with essential building blocks—elements like love, connection, nature, and creativity—that can foster happiness if we choose to harness them effectively. However, it is ultimately our responsibility to construct our own pathways to fulfillment.

Our feelings serve as powerful motivators that drive our actions and decisions every day. Yet, life’s unpredictable nature often disrupts this process; just when we begin making strides toward emotional well-being or happiness, unforeseen challenges arise that can knock us off course. It becomes crucial for us to prepare for these inevitable setbacks by establishing what I call “emotional shelters.” These shelters are not meant to alter life’s storms but rather provide protection against them—a refuge where we can regroup and restore our strength in times of adversity. By recognizing the importance of building these emotional fortifications within ourselves, we set the groundwork for resilience that enables us not only to survive but thrive in an ever-changing world.

Life’s Storms

During the course of living we will encounter intense struggles, challenges, and difficulties. The storms will bring tumultuous and turbulent moments, often accompanied by pain and suffering that require great effort and resilience.

These moments may include periods of intense hardship, such as:

Personal crises: The loss of a loved one, a major illness, or a financial setback.
Social challenges: Discrimination, prejudice, or social isolation.
Emotional turmoil: Intense feelings of anxiety, depression, or anger.

The throes of life can be a difficult and painful experience, but they can also be a catalyst for personal growth and transformation. By facing and overcoming challenges, we can develop resilience, strength, and a deeper understanding of ourselves and the world around us.

We can harness the wonderful gift of conscious experience to more fully enjoy feelings bubbling up from the biological world of survival and bask in the gleeful enjoyments of being to safeguard us against the dangers and disappointments of living.

We don’t control the universe. Notably, we live in a world full of other living beings and natural causes, each acting in accordance with rules not bound to obedience to our desires. The world doesn’t spin in cadence to our wants. We exist in a natural world that follows natural laws. However, we aren’t merely dry leaves blown by the wind, defenseless and vulnerable. We have power to direct. Accordingly, We can influence the process to skillfully enhance experience.

Resiliency

We should build shelter from the cold winter of an uncaring world. These shelters create a resilience that provides a protective barrier. Social scientists Mustafa Fletcher and David Fletcher examined high athletic achievers to find common characteristics of their resilience. They found that, “Characteristics common to 13 professionals who were extremely successful and concluded that thriving was related to factors such as a positive personality, balance in perspectives, experience, flexibility, and social support” (Tedeschi et al., 2018).

These findings provide the blueprint for building our own emotional shelters. We accomplish this in two ways—through the mind and through our action.

Emotional Shelters in the Mind

Our mind is constantly churning, meshing the present with expectations based on the past. Our bodies prepare for the world through constant predictions of what to expect. We gather necessary resources and then brace, seize or flee. Our thoughts can dress up the ugliest day or block the brightest rays. It’s not that we should ignore the hurts, unfairness, or badness that exists; but we should infuse our minds with positive, rich and revitalizing thoughts.

Ralph Waldo Emerson was right: “To different minds, the same world is a hell, and a heaven.”

We energize our minds with purposeful thoughts of gratitude. We benefit by spending a few moments in the morning (or evening) identifying blessings. Our minds also sharpen through moments of peace. We invite peace through spiritual practices such as meditation and nature.

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, one of the leading scientific figures for the study of flow, wrote that negative feelings such as sadness, fear, and boredom produce “psychic entropy” in the mind. To fight psychic entropy, he suggests the state of flow—energized engagement in activity.

Therefore intentions, goals, and motivations are also functions of psychic negentropy. They focus psychic energy, establish priorities, and thus create order in consciousness. Without them mental processes become random, and feelings tend to deteriorate rapidly (Csikszentmihalyi, 2008, p. 22).

See Positive Psychology for more on this topic

Emotional Shelters in Outer Environments

We build shelter with our mind through practices. We play with children, we meditate, we focus on gratitude and find flow through engaging activity. But our work is not done. Living life is more than cultivating the mind. We also must DO. Healthy action mediates the unknowns and invites healthy futures. Healthy todays create less stressful tomorrows. Our actions are essential to protect our futures from unnecessary threats.

Science is clear. Healthy relationships, especially in intimacy, positively impact our lives. Those that are happiest have the closest and best functioning relationships. Francis Bacon said that intimate friendships “redoubleth joys, and cutteth griefs in half.” Without friendship, Aristotle taught, no happiness is possible. We need healthy people in our lives to experience the richness of this world. Relationships require work and skill. We must seek knowledge and then practice, building a life with regenerating relationships that multiply our joys and diminish our sorrows.

Financial Security

Another act of doing is creating financial security. We create security through our education, careers and budgeted spending. Happiness is severely limited when we are hungry or do not have enough money to cover next week’s mortgage (or rent). Our financial health is slowly built through a series of smart choices, self-discipline, and successful investing.

Health

A third important area to focus energy is on the health of our body. Illness and disease intrude on happiness. Energy is converted from the foods we eat. A diet rich in nutrients and low in unnecessary fats and sugars naturally boosts our spirits, strengthening the body and sheltering us from sickness. We then add motion to our healthy diet. We move through walking and exercise, giving life to our muscles and fibers. Through diet and exercise we build a happier life more resistant to disease and mental illness.

For more on this topic see: The Basics

Supportive environments play a crucial role in helping individuals cope with life challenges. Daniel Siegel, a clinical professor of psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine, wrote:

“In our day to-day lives, the degree of social support we feel helps modulate our stress response. Holding the hand or seeing a photo of someone you love and trust can actually decrease your brain’s anticipatory anxiety, as well as its neural response to a painful shock” (Siegel, 2020).

There is a strong link between social support and mental health. Social connections can reduce the risk of depression, anxiety, and other psychological disorders. For instance, during the COVID-19 pandemic, individuals with high perceived social support had a significantly lower risk of depression and better sleep quality compared to those with low perceived social support (Karadaş & Duran, 2021).

When people feel supported by friends, family, or community members, they are more likely to:

Feel less alone: Knowing that others care about them and are there to help can reduce feelings of isolation and loneliness.
Cope with stress: Social support can help individuals manage stress and anxiety more effectively.
Build resilience: Having a strong support network can help individuals develop resilience, the ability to bounce back from adversity.
Seek help: People who feel supported are more likely to seek professional help when needed.
Improve mental health: Social support has been shown to have a positive impact on mental health outcomes.

Overall, supportive environments provide individuals with the emotional and practical resources they need to navigate life’s challenges and build resilience.

Building a Supportive Cast of Others

We must build the emotional shelter of a supportive environment before the storms arrive. Supportive connections take time and resources to build. They require some sacrifice and vulnerability. People say and do things that do not always perfectly fit into our model. We can’t just cast others aside because they march to a slightly different tune than we do. With patience, and emotional regulation, we can build a scaffolding of others for protections against the storms of life. A strong support network can provide invaluable comfort, encouragement, and guidance during life’s challenges.

Here are some strategies to cultivate supportive relationships:

Nurture Existing Relationships

Prioritize quality time: Spend time with loved ones regularly.
Open communication: Share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences honestly.
Be supportive of others: Offer support and encouragement to your friends and family.

Seek Out New Connections

Join groups or clubs: Participate in activities that align with your interests.
Volunteer: Giving back to your community can help you meet like-minded people.
Attend social events: Step outside of your comfort zone and meet new people.

Be a Supportive Friend

Be there for others: Offer support and encouragement to your friends and family.
Practice active listening: Show genuine interest in others’ lives.
Be reliable: Follow through on your commitments.

Seek Professional Help

Therapy: A therapist can provide guidance and support for building healthy relationships.
Support groups: Connecting with others who share similar experiences can be beneficial.

Remember, building strong relationships takes time and effort. By cultivating a supportive cast of others, you can create a network of individuals who will be there for you when you need them most.

See Social Support Theory for more on this topic

Associated Concepts

Stress and Coping Theory: this theory developed by Richard Lazarus and Susan Folkman suggests that individuals experience stress when they perceive a discrepancy between the demands of a situation and their perceived ability to cope with those demands.
Resilience: The ability to bounce back from negative experiences with “competent functioning”; resilience is a dynamic process rather than a trait.
Post Traumatic Growth: This theory refers to the positive psychological changes that can occur as a result of struggling with highly challenging life crises. This concept suggests that individuals can experience personal growth and development after facing traumatic events, such as illness, loss, or other life-altering experiences.
Trauma Resiliency Model: This is an approach that focuses on building resilience and promoting healing in individuals who have experienced trauma. It emphasizes the natural and innate capacity of individuals to heal from trauma when provided with the right support and resources.
Mental Health: This refers to a person’s emotional, psychological, and social well-being. It impacts how individuals think, feel, and act, influencing how they handle stress, relate to others, and make choices.
Stress Management: This refers to the techniques and strategies used to control, reduce, and cope with the negative effects of stress. It involves identifying stress triggers, implementing healthy coping mechanisms, and making lifestyle changes to enhance well-being.

A Few Words by Psychology Fanatic

We don’t change our lives in a week. Building shelters is a lifelong process. Small choices, one by one, form our character, changing the trajectories of our lives. The paths we choose widen or narrow opportunities. Great choices don’t guarantee a painless life; but the healthy action, compounded over time, build necessary shelters to protect from the inevitable storms—freeing us from unneeded stress, and allowing for more pleasurable pursuits.

Last Updated: December 19, 2025

References:

Csikszentmihalyi, Mihaly (2008). Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience (Harper Perennial Modern Classics). HarperCollins e-books; 1st edition. ISBN-10: 0061339202
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Karadaş, A., & Duran, S. (2021). The effect of social support on work stress in health workers during the pandemic: The mediation role of resilience. Journal of Community Psychology. DOI: 10.1002/jcop.22742
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Siegel, Daniel J. (2020). The Developing Mind: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are. The Guilford Press; 3rd edition. ISBN-10: 1462542751; APA Record: 2012-12726-000
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Tedeschi, Richard G.; Shakespeare-Finch, Jane; Taku, Kanako; Calhoun, Lawrence G. (2018). Posttraumatic Growth: Theory, Research, and Applications. Routledge; 1st edition. ISBN: 9781032913247; DOI: 10.4324/9781315527451
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