Frustration Tolerance: Navigating Unexpected Obstacles

We glide through life jumping from one event to another. We flourish through goal driven behaviors—intending, believing, and responding. Life is good. Until, of course, predictions go wrong. Our car doesn’t start; the chicken for tonight’s dinner is not thawed; or the fitness app doesn’t work. The momentary irritation frustrates, swooning down and destroying good feelings. Frustration tolerance is a key component of many psychological theories. Many therapists identify low frustration tolerance in clients and work to develop skills and resources to help them work through these problems.

The unexpected interruptions demand a shift, forcing adjustment to expectations, and new avenues of action. These changes draw from budgeted energy, creating discomfort and frustration. Frustration is a basic emotion. Infants quickly operate by expectations and changes startle their systems. Throughout life we crash headfirst into intention-halting obstacles. Yet, we feel frustration but survive. How well we survive, however, depends on many factors.

The ability to tolerate frustration varies. Genetics and environments do their thing, conditioning the child for lifelong relationships with frustration. Some children adapt wonderfully. Others suffer. Experience activates gene expressions to either simplify or complicate life.  For those painfully susceptible, behavioral adaptions of structure or avoidance provide some relief. Rigid routines protect, but not completely. Avoidance limits frustrating events but stymies growth. The battle is fought on many fronts.

Individual Variance in Ability to Tolerate Frustrations

An individual’s ability to tolerate frustrations also varies, depending on context. Daily events drain limited supplies of energy—ego depletion. When we are tired, emotionally spent, or hungry, energy levels plummet. In ego depletion, small triggers enrage and we react with intensity.

Goals perceived as necessary intensely arouse when blocked, often inciting aggression or self-harming defenses. Our employment, security, and relationships rank high in importance. Obstacles to these goals give rise to powerful frustrations. Our reactions are further amplified when we perceive no control in the situation. Sometimes we displace anger by directing frustration at undeserving victims. Other times the pressure sends us spiraling into helplessness (Murphy, 2015).

English Poet Matthew Prior (1664–1721) expressed this beautifully:

Say, what can more our tortured souls annoy
than to behold, admire, and lose our joy?

​​Attainable joys and desired rewards activate emotions when circumstances intrude. A chemical change surges through our veins and our minds leap to action. Our response to these chemical messengers is critical. Harmful and ineffective reactions can be minimized by proficiency in two primary ways. First, through increased ability to tolerate frustration and second, through improved ability to down-regulate emotion. Frustration toleration and frustration regulation are similar but distinct.

“Frustration tolerance is a form of behavioral control and is related to, but distinct from, regulating frustration. Whereas frustration tolerance entails withstanding frustration, no matter how much frustration is experienced, frustration regulation entails reducing the experience of frustration” (Meindl et al., 2019).

Frustration Regulation

Frustration regulation involves employing various techniques to soothe and manage emotional responses during challenging situations. One key aspect of this process, as proposed by Albert Ellis, is the recognition that our beliefs play a significant role in shaping our experiences of frustration. When we perceive certain beliefs as intolerable or rigid, they can exacerbate feelings of frustration. By adjusting these underlying beliefs and redefining the context in which frustrations arise, we can create a more palatable framework for understanding our experiences. This cognitive shift allows individuals to view obstacles not as insurmountable barriers but as temporary challenges that can be navigated with flexibility and resilience.

In addition to cognitive restructuring, several other regulation techniques can effectively help manage frustration levels. Mindful breathing practices encourage individuals to focus on their breath, promoting relaxation and grounding in the present moment. Distraction techniques—such as engaging in enjoyable activities or hobbies—can redirect attention away from frustrating thoughts or situations temporarily, providing relief from immediate emotional distress. Exercise also serves as an effective outlet for pent-up energy and stress; physical activity releases endorphins that enhance mood and foster a sense of well-being. By incorporating these strategies into daily life, individuals can cultivate healthier coping mechanisms that ultimately improve their ability to tolerate frustration while enhancing overall mental wellness.

​Frustration Intolerance or Low Frustration Tolerance

Individuals who are frustration intolerant often struggle with self-control and the necessary skills to effectively regulate their emotional responses. This lack of resilience leads them to attribute their feelings of frustration and distress to external circumstances or the actions of others, rather than recognizing their own role in these experiences (Harrington, 2005). Such individuals may find themselves feeling overwhelmed when faced with obstacles or setbacks, as they do not possess the tools required to navigate these challenges constructively. This inability to tolerate frustration can manifest as heightened irritability and impulsivity, further complicating their interactions with others.

Moreover, those who exhibit frustration intolerance typically harbor unrealistic expectations regarding how others should behave. They demand that friends, family members, colleagues, and even strangers act in ways that align perfectly with their desires or beliefs about fairness. When these expectations are not met—whether due to misunderstandings or simple human fallibility—the result is often a cycle of disappointment and resentment. These destructive patterns significantly strain relationships; instead of fostering understanding and support, they create an environment ripe for conflict. Ultimately, such unrealistic demands contribute little towards resolving frustrations but instead perpetuate a sense of dissatisfaction that can deeply affect both personal well-being and social connections (Harrington, 2005).

Four Dimensions of Frustration Intolerance

Neil Harrington discovered that not all frustration intolerance led to the same behavioral disfunctions. He created an inventory (Frustration Discomfort Scale) to divide frustration tolerance into four distinct categories.
Harrington’s Four factors:

• ​Discomfort intolerance. This subscale includes beliefs that life should be free of hassles, effort and inconvenience.
• Entitlement. This subscale identified demands for fairness and immediate gratification
• Emotional intolerance. This subscale measures the beliefs that distress in intolerable and must be quickly relieved.
• Achievement Frustration. This subscales reflects demands for high standards and intolerance with these standards being frustrated (Harrington 2005).​

​What is the Evolutionary Benefit of Frustration?

We typically try to avoid low moods. They don’t feel good, so we remember people, places and events that trigger emotional episodes. Frustration, sadness, confusion and even guilt serve a similar purpose, signaling unexpected demands on budgeted energy. Low moods wave a warning flag, screaming for us to pull back, put on the brakes, or run. When events overwhelm our limited resources (Murphy, 2014), we biologically react.

We shouldn’t ignore frustration. Our body has wisdom. We should listen, examining underlying goals and surrounding context. Pulling back doesn’t require giving up. Sometimes we just need a better plan to incorporate new information. Other times, our over-taxed system only needs rest to refill depleted reserves (Murphy, 2020). And yes, there are times when goals are unattainable, experience exposes their ridiculousness, and we should swap them for new attainable goals.

​Frustration signals that something is wrong, leaving complex identifications and resolutions to other cognitive processes. Both giving-up and buckling down have adaptive properties, the best solution depends on our particular situation. Lack of frustration is dangerous, indicating missing linkage between feelings and thoughts. Without frustration, we may chase sunken costs, take dangerous risks, or miss obvious signs of exhaustion. When our vision is distorted, we make foolish choices, mispredict consequences, and mismanage resources.

When Low Frustration Tolerance Interferes with Wellness

Albert Ellis’s Rational Emotive Behavior Theory (REBT) argues that the inability to tolerate frustration is a core feature of psychological disturbance. Frustration intolerance is associated with lacking self-control and procrastination (Harrington, 2005).

Self-control delays immediate gratifications (Murphy, 2020a) for larger rewards later.  Emotional and physical discomfort (frustrations) are upfront cost for future achievements. When frustrations mount, and we lack skills to tolerate and regulate, we crumble, seeking escape through maladaptive behaviors. Todd Heatherton and Roy Baumeister suggest that problems such as binge eating represent dysfunctional strategies aimed at reducing distress, particularly negative self-awareness. (Heatherton & Baumeister, 1991).

Frustration Tolerance and Academic Success

A recent study published in the Journal Emotion examined the association between frustration tolerance and academic success. The authors reported that frustration is one of the most frequent emotions experienced by students. The researchers rated students on a frustration task (The Mirror Tracing Frustration Task). They then followed up two years later. They discovered that, “Frustration tolerance predicted outcomes over and above a rich set of covariates. Including IQ, sociodemographics, self-control, and grit” (Meindl, 2019). The ability to persist despite frustration is critical for achievement.

Other Impacts to Wellness

Other research found that intolerable tension is the most frequent emotion reported by self-harmers, and that self-harming, such as cutting, reduced the tension (Harrington, 2005). Ellis emphatically states that, “Low frustration tolerance (LFT) is one of the most common instigators of people’s emotional disturbing.” He continues, “Forms of it are ubiquitous: people procrastinate on tasks and miss important deadlines; they voluntarily start a project and then give it up when they encounter snags; they seek medical advice and then refuse to abide by it; and fail to start or persist in numerous other beneficial aspects of everyday life” (Ellis, 2002, p. 28).

One of the more serious dangers of frustration is misplaced aggression, abusing unsuspecting others as an outlet for our stress. In a cruel game of passing the stress along, we react, causing harm to those more vulnerable than ourselves.

​What Causes of Low Frustration Tolerance?

The cause is never simple. Many factors combine to create a trait. Genes, prenatal development, parenting, neighborhoods, and trauma. Even when research discovers associated causes, individual reaction to the same causes vary greatly. Many suggested cures ignore the complexity, focusing on single causes. Even great minds, like that of Albert Ellis, often delve into single causes (such as unrealistic beliefs) and fail to include the possible presence of other significant contributors when designing treatment plans.

Personality and behavioral traits all begin in the genes. Embryos inherit their biological equipment. They are born with varying levels of sensitivity to their environments. These beginnings influence all interactions, setting the foundation for learned reactions to frustration. “Prenatal environments can either maximize healthy development or create biological behavioral vulnerabilities in a child’s brain” (Karr-Morse, 2014).

The child moves into a world of others. Attachments, security, and trauma continue to enhance the trajectories of development. Daniel Siegel described frustration as a “precursor emotion” preceding the development of other emotional states such as Joy, fear, and anger. As a child develops, the differentiation of primary emotions into categorical ones becomes more and more sophisticated (Siegel, 2020). Many adult emotions grow from the initial beginnings of frustration.

Parenting and Low Frustration Tolerance

Some researchers found associations between permissive parenting and a child’s frustration intolerance. Daniel Goleman in his bestselling book Emotional Intelligence explains, “It appears that mothers who protect their highly reactive infants from frustration and anxiety in the hope of effecting a benevolent outcome seem to exacerbate the infant’s uncertainty and produce the opposite effect.” He continues “the protective strategy backfires by depriving timid toddlers of the very opportunity to learn to calm themselves in the face of the unfamiliar, and so gain some small mastery of their fears” (Goleman, 2005).

Robert Sapolsky describes permissive parenting, “There are few demands or expectations, rules are rarely enforced, and children set the agenda.” Sapolsky adds that permissive parenting often leads to “self-indulgent individuals with poor impulse control, low frustration tolerance, plus poor social skills thanks to living consequence-free childhoods” (Sapolsky, 2018).

How  Can We Strengthen Frustration Tolerance?​

There is hope. Most frustrations can be managed. In the Art of Somatic Coaching, author Richard Strozzi-Heckler wrote, “The consequences of relying on hope without new practices lead to a downward spiral of frustration, resignation, and hopelessness” (Strozzi, 2014). With hope, we need techniques that work. The age old advice, “just deal with it,” is woefully insufficient for most.

The goal is to keep arousal in a normal range (Murphy, 2021) where we can hear our bodies speak, examine the frustration and surrounding context, and begin experimenting with resolutions. Goleman suggests that, “The secret lies not in avoiding life’s inevitable frustrations and upsets but in learning to recover from them. The faster the recovery, the greater the child’s capacity for joyfulness” (Goleman, 2007, p. 173).

Managing frustrations before they surge out of control is essential. Bessel van der Kolk wrote, “When our autonomic nervous system is well balanced, we have a reasonable degree of control over our response to minor frustrations and disappointments, enabling us to calmly assess what is going on when we feel insulted or left out. Effective arousal modulation gives us control over our impulses and emotions: As long as we manage to stay calm, we can choose how we want to respond.” He continues, “Failure to keep this system in balance is one explanation why traumatized people . . . are so vulnerable to over respond to relatively minor stresses: The biological systems that are meant to help us cope with the vagaries of life fail to meet the challenge” (van der Kolk, 2015).

Attending to the Basics

To effectively improve our ability to process frustration, it’s crucial to establish a foundation of self-care and emotional regulation before we encounter frustrating events. This proactive approach involves nurturing our biological systems by prioritizing essential aspects of well-being. Adequate sleep is fundamental, as it allows our minds and bodies to recuperate and function optimally. A diet rich in nutritious foods fuels not just physical health but also cognitive clarity, enabling us to respond more resiliently when faced with challenges. Regular exercise serves as an outlet for stress relief while promoting the release of endorphins that enhance mood. Furthermore, fostering healthy relationships provides emotional support and strengthens social connections, which can be invaluable during times of frustration.

In addition to these lifestyle choices, actively avoiding overly stressful situations plays a significant role in maintaining balance within ourselves. By recognizing potential triggers and setting boundaries where necessary, we can safeguard our mental health from being overwhelmed by external pressures. Engaging in mindfulness practices or relaxation techniques can also help us stay grounded when unexpected frustrations arise. Ultimately, this comprehensive approach to self-care benefits future emotional processing by equipping us with the resilience needed to navigate life’s inevitable obstacles gracefully. When we invest time into managing our overall well-being, we budget energy effectively for those unforeseen moments that challenge our patience and tolerance levels.

Mindfulness and Labeling

During episodes of frustration, we can mindfully observe our bodies reactions, implementing down-regulating techniques of attention and focused breathing. Most emotion regulating techniques perform better when preplanned and practiced. We can’t awkwardly employ a new skill during intense stress. The immediate needs will strangle our ability to shift attention. Many psychologist suggest labelling identified feelings (Murphy, 2019).

​Seymour Epstein in his book Constructive Thinking wrote, “In labeling an underlying disturbing feeling correctly, the feeling often goes away or, at the least, becomes less distressing” (Epstein, 1998).  I have found this to be true. Jonathan Haidt wisely quips, “Changing your mind is usually a more effective response to frustration than is changing the world” (Haidt, 2003). We must catch displaced aggressions, blaming the world for our misfortunes. We must catch these wandering marauders, invading our minds and stealing our peace.

Whether we are naturally sensitive or resilient, we can improve. Our efforts will be rewarded, not with frustration free lives but enhanced skill to weather storms. Our exposures, when followed by success, bolster confidence, laying a foundation of strength by increasing tolerance for future frustrations and skills to down-regulate their influence.

Exposure Therapy

Many therapists practice exposure therapy as a way to increase frustration tolerance, and this approach is grounded in the idea that gradual exposure to frustrating situations can desensitize individuals over time. The theory suggests that by intentionally confronting minor frustrations in a controlled environment, clients can learn to navigate their emotional responses without overwhelming distress. These small exposures allow individuals to recognize that their feelings of frustration are manageable and do not need to dictate their actions. Over time, as they experience success in facing these challenges without disastrous reactions, they begin to build resilience and self-efficacy. This process not only fosters a greater understanding of their triggers but also empowers them with coping strategies for dealing with larger obstacles.

As confidence grows through repeated encounters with frustration, individuals become better equipped to handle more significant stressors when they arise in daily life. The skills learned during exposure therapy—such as mindfulness techniques or cognitive restructuring—can be transferred to real-world scenarios where frustration may typically lead to impulsive reactions or emotional outbursts. Consequently, clients find themselves approaching challenging situations with a newfound sense of composure and adaptability. By reinforcing the belief that they can withstand discomfort and adapt effectively, exposure therapy ultimately enhances emotional regulation capabilities while fostering an overall improvement in mental health and well-being. Through this systematic method of gradual confrontation, individuals cultivate the tools necessary for thriving amid life’s inevitable frustrations.

See Exposure Therapy for more on this style of therapy

Associated Concepts

Frustration tolerance is a concept that refers to an individual’s ability to withstand frustration, discomfort, and adversity without becoming overwhelmed or acting impulsively. It’s a critical aspect of emotional regulation and resilience. Several psychological concepts and theories are associated with frustration tolerance:

• Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT): Developed by Albert Ellis, REBT suggests that frustration intolerance, or low frustration tolerance (LFT), is a meta-cognitive process where individuals believe they cannot stand something. It’s seen as a core irrational belief leading to psychological disturbance.
• Learned Industriousness: A theory proposed by Eisenberger, suggesting that all effort is discomforting, and self-control involves tolerating discomfort to obtain future rewards. This concept is akin to learned helplessness but focuses on the belief that frustrating events do not invariably lead to psychological disturbance.
• Cognitive Therapy: Beck’s Cognitive Therapy also emphasizes the importance of our appraisal of events, focusing more on beliefs related to self-esteem and how threats to self-esteem can be central to self-control failure.
• Emotion Regulation Theories: These theories suggest that aversive self-awareness prompts a switch in priorities from long-term goals to the relief of immediate emotional distress, often due to threats to self-esteem.
• Personality and Mental Health: Some individuals naturally have lower levels of frustration tolerance, which can be influenced by personality traits, mental health conditions like anxiety and depression, and certain neurodivergent conditions.
• Thought Patterns: Expectations for smooth experiences can lead to a hard time dealing with perceived unfairness or disappointments, affecting frustration tolerance.

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Developing high frustration tolerance is beneficial in many domains, and mastery in one area can potentially spill over to others. Accordingly, therapy and interventions aimed at increasing frustration tolerance involve acceptance of reality, logical thinking, and emotional regulation to foster a healthier emotional state and better functional outcomes.

A Few Words by Psychology Fanatic

In conclusion, frustration tolerance is a multifaceted psychological concept that plays a crucial role in our ability to navigate life’s challenges. It influences our emotional well-being, our relationships, and our capacity to achieve our goals. As we’ve explored, various theories and therapeutic approaches offer insights into how we can understand and enhance our ability to cope with frustration. Whether through cognitive-behavioral techniques, mindfulness practices, or narrative therapies, the journey to higher frustration tolerance is both personal and profound.

As we continue to delve into the intricacies of human emotions and behavior, the study of frustration tolerance offers a promising avenue for fostering resilience and adaptability. By embracing the discomfort that comes with growth and learning to persevere in the face of adversity, we can cultivate a more tolerant and patient society. Let us take these insights and apply them not only in our personal lives but also in our broader communities, paving the way for a future where challenges are met with grace and fortitude.

Last Update: May 2, 2025

References:

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