I Cry: Understanding the Power of Emotional Vulnerability
What’s wrong with crying? There is a time and a place for everything. Social expectations often dictate when and when not to cry. But how about crying in relationships? If a partner does something that makes you cry, is the partner bad and undeserving of the graces of our greatness?
A few years ago, I stumbled on this quote from Gabriel García Márquez:
“Nobody deserves your tears, but whoever deserves them will not make you cry.”
I cry for many reasons. Life is beautiful. I enjoy many things; but there are also times for sadness. I have been hurt. The people who hurt me aren’t bad people. Even the best people make a few selfish choices.
Sensitive To the World
I don’t want a heart of stone—impenetrable to hurt. I can be hurt, I can cry, not because people are bad and undeserving of my love but because occasional sadness accompanies intimate connections. My partner, my family, and my friends may occasionally hurt me, not because they are unworthy but because they are human or. perhaps, because I foster unrealistic expectations.
Perhaps, Gabriela is referring to more than tears. Dreadfully, some partners, lost in their own worlds, grind our will, attempting to subjugate us to their chaotic needs. These partners may not be worthy of our tears or time. We must seek safety, protecting our souls from their destructive worlds.
I cry.
Embodied Connections
Relationships are much more than external event. We experience connections internally. Our nervous systems connect. We embody the connection deep within our cells.
Shaun Gallagher wrote:
“The idea that perception, and more generally cognition, is embodied means, in part, that the structural and functional design of the body shapes the way that we experience the world” (Gallagher, 2008).
Daniel Siegel explains:
“The prefrontal cortex integrates social, somatic, brainstem, limbic, and cortical systems all into one functional whole. This integrative mechanism enables us to function in harmony in our bodies and in our social worlds” (Siegel, 2020).
We can’t have deep connections to others without emotionally responding to their actions. This is a natural law of life. If we overprotect against hurt, we also limit our capacity to connect.
See Embodied Cognition for more on this topic
“Crying is a healthy reaction to grief and grief is a healthy reaction to losing someone that we love.”
Worthy of My Tears
Gratefully, I have discovered many people worthy of my tears. I make room for their independence—even when their independence hurts. They’re free to choose. Their choice displays their individualism—I wouldn’t wish them to be my subjects. A child may foray down forsaken paths fraught with dangers; but if of age, I must allow them to choose—and cry when they suffer. They are worthy of my tears. With age, I proficiently work through discomfort—not perfectly. I let go of the unrealistic expectations.
I choose to experience the pains of loving and connecting because connections are the heart and soul of our human existence. Moreover, I do not wish to live on an island where I am surrounded only by those that stimulate positive emotions, banishing all others. I will hold the hand of many others during their sorrows and dance with them during their moments of joy.
Associated Concepts
- Emotional Attunement: This refers to is the ability to understand, be aware of, and be responsive to another person’s emotions. It involves being in tune with someone else’s feelings, and being able to empathize and connect with them on an emotional level.
- Shared Emotions: This concept refers to the common exchange of emotions between intimate partners.
- Social Neuroscience: This field of science explores the neural basis of social behavior, integrating psychology, neuroscience, and sociology for insights into human social interaction and behavior.
- Attachment Theory: This theory provides a framework to helps explain how human beings form emotional bonds and connections with others, particularly in early childhood.
- Intersubjectivity Theory: This theory examines the interconnectedness of individual consciousnesses through shared experiences, influencing human relationships, culture, and identity. It emphasizes the role of empathy, perception, and mutual understanding in fostering meaningful interactions.
- Mood Convergence: This concept explores how individuals synchronize their emotions within a group. This phenomenon, influenced by factors like nonverbal cues and empathy, impacts group dynamics and behavior, offering insight into human interconnectedness and emotional synchronization.
A Few Words by Psychology Fanatic
Some hurts I share, while others I acknowledge and let pass through on their own. If I cry, I care. Unfortunately, some people coldly harden their hearts, undisturbed by our pain. They seek personal goals at all costs. These people are still human, perhaps damaged in childhood or suffering from a biological short; but for personal well-being, we should limit our interactions with them to escape needless sorrows and frustrations. These people deserve tears. But we can’t afford to give them our lives.
Last updated: December 9, 2025
References:
Gallagher, Shaun (2008). Intersubjectivity in perception. Continental Philosophy Review, 41(2), 163-178. DOI: 10.1007/s11007-008-9075-8
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Siegel, Daniel J. (2020). The Developing Mind: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are. The Guilford Press; 3rd edition. ISBN-10: 1462542751; APA Record: 2012-12726-000
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