Miswanting: A Guide to Why We Pursue Happiness in the Wrong Places
We notoriously fail at predicting the feeling affects that we will experience from a future event. We see purchases, promotions, or new relationships as the ultimate game changer. Consequently, we might muse, “if I get that promotion, my life will be much better.” While positive changes impact our lives, they seldom live up to the long-term happiness we predict. Our affective predictions of change on our overall happiness influence our choices. However, they don’t always create the lives we desire. Basically, we often want the wrong things based on errant prediction. In psychology, we refer to this as miswanting.
Miswanting is a phenomenon deeply rooted in the complexities of human psychology, influencing our desires and decision-making processes. This concept refers to the tendency of individuals to misjudge what will make them happy, often leading to choices that ultimately result in dissatisfaction. Understanding the underlying causes and implications of miswanting can provide invaluable insights into human behavior and pave the way for more informed decision-making.
The Nature of Miswanting
Miswanting can manifest in various forms, ranging from the pursuit of material possessions to the selection of experiences and relationships. At its core, cognitive biases drive miswanting and emotional influences distort our perceptions of what will truly bring us fulfillment. One common manifestation of miswanting is the “hedonic treadmill,” where individuals continually pursue greater levels of success, wealth, or possessions, only to find that the anticipated satisfaction is fleeting.
Miswanting is described by Daniel Gilbert and Timothy Wilson this way: “Sometimes, however, people are disappointed by the very things they think they want. Research on affective forecasting has shown that people routinely mispredict how much pleasure or displeasure future events will bring and, as a result, sometimes work to bring about events that do not maximize their happiness” (Wilson & Gilbert, 2005).
Divorce, changing jobs, having kids all may be impacted by miswanting. We make major decisions because we think they will make us happy. However, as they play out, we find that our want actually produces a different end than we predicted.
Affective Forecasting
Daniel Kahneman attributes the word ‘miswanting’ to Daniel Gilbert and Timothy Wilson. They coined the word to describe the bad choices we make arisings from errors of affective forecasting (Kahneman, 2013). Affective forecasting refers to the process of predicting and estimating one’s emotional reactions or affective states in response to future events or situations. We are pretty poor at this and our inability to affective forecast produces miswanting.
Affective forecasting relies on comparisons of the future event with past experiences. Our emotional memories are pretty accurate. We remember the things we enjoyed and the events that were painful. However, we often misremember the length and intensity of those emotions as we translate them into the impact they will have on a future event. We may remember the positive valence of feeling affects from the last new car we bought, and use those emotional memories to buy another new car. What we forget is that the elation of a new car wore off, and soon we stressed over the high car payment and insurance costs.
Kahneman and colleagues suggest that an individual’s “recall of the intensity of an emotional experience is influenced by the ‘peaks and ending’ of the experience more than its duration” (Wilson et al., 2003).
Our affective forecasting is often incomplete, only utilizing a partial set of data, leading to miswanting.
Factors Influencing Miswanting
While affective forecasting is a key element producing miswanting several other psychological factors may also contribute, including the impact of social comparison, unrealistic expectations, and the influence of present emotions on decision-making. Social media and advertising can exacerbate miswanting by presenting idealized lifestyles and unattainable standards, leading individuals to overestimate the potential satisfaction gained from certain pursuits.
Dialectical Behavior therapy posits we act from the emotional mind, or the reasonable mind, when we should make decisions from a healthy blend of each. They refer to this as the wise mind. The underlying fact is that the world is full of pressures that form our decisions. Where we focus attention, will ultimately determine what decisions we will make. In the end, we end up wanting the wrong things in the present because we falsely believe they will help us obtain a future we want. We miswant, it influences poor choices, and determines the life we will inherit in the future.
Mitigating Miswanting
Mitigating miswanting requires a multifaceted approach that encompasses self-awareness, emotional regulation, and cognitive reframing. By fostering mindfulness and introspection, individuals can gain a better understanding of their true values and goals, thus diminishing the influence of external pressures on their desires. Additionally, cultivating gratitude and contentment with the present moment can counteract the perpetual cycle of miswanting by fostering a more balanced perspective on satisfaction and fulfillment.
The Role of Decision-Making
Miswanting also intersects with the field of decision-making, shedding light on the intricate processes through which we make. Behavioral economics and cognitive psychology offer valuable frameworks for understanding the biases and heuristics that underlie miswanting, illuminating the ways in which individuals deviate from rational decision-making models. By integrating insights from these disciplines, researchers and practitioners can develop strategies to nudge individuals towards choices that align more closely with their genuine long-term well-being.
The Hedometer
Kahneman explains that “it is logical to describe the life of the experiencing self as a series of moments, each with a value. The value of an episode—I have called it a hedometer total—is simply the sum of the values of its moments. But this is not how the mind represents episodes. The remembering self, as I have described” (Kahneman, 2013). Ideally, we should choose things that promise to bring the most hedonic value to our life over time. However, we rarely make decisions on sum total of value.
A lot of miswanting is impulsive. Understandably, it is difficult to compare the value of a daily morning donut with the value of a healthy life. A morning sweet often is not seen as taking away from happy years with the grandchildren. Consequently, we opt for the donut and lose out on benefits we never considered.
Associated Concepts
- Affective Forecasting: This theory explores the tendency to inaccurately predict our future emotional states, often overestimating the intensity and duration of our emotional responses to events.
- Affective Realism: This concept suggests that people tend to believe that their current emotional state is an accurate reflection of reality. This can lead to biased judgments and decisions.
- Affective Disposition Theory: This theory proposes that people’s attitudes and beliefs are influenced by their emotions. Positive emotions lead to positive evaluations, while negative emotions lead to negative evaluations.
- System Justification Theory: This theory proposes that individuals are motivated to maintain the status quo, even if it benefits others more than themselves.
- Affective Events Theory: This theory suggests that work events can cause emotional reactions, which in turn influence work behaviors and attitudes. These emotions can be positive or negative and can impact job satisfaction, organizational commitment, and job performance.
- Happiness Set Point: This is a psychological concept suggesting that individuals have a genetically determined baseline level of happiness, to which they tend to return, regardless of life circumstances. While positive and negative events can temporarily shift our mood, we ultimately revert to our personal set point.
A Few Words by Psychology Fanatic
In the realm of psychology, the phenomenon of miswanting serves as a compelling lens through which to examine the complexities of human desire and decision-making. This is the foundation of behavioral economics. Understanding these hidden influences of choice will help us make better choices to obtain happiness. Accordingly, by acknowledging and addressing miswanting, we empower ourselves to make choices that are more congruent with their authentic aspirations.
These improvements then lead to greater fulfillment and well-being. Consequently, fostering self-awareness, critical reflection, and a deeper understanding of the complexities of desire will help us navigate the intricate landscape of miswanting with greater clarity and purpose.
Last Update: February 20, 2026
References:
Kahneman, Daniel (2013). Thinking Fast; Thinking Slow. Farrar, Straus and Giroux; 1st edition. ISBN-10: 0374533555; APA Record: 2011-26535-000
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Wilson, Timothy; Gilbert, Daniel (2005). Affective Forecasting. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 14(3), 131-134. DOI: 10.1111/j.0963-7214.2005.00355.x
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Wilson, Timothy; Meyers, Jay; Gilbert, Daniel (2003). “How Happy Was I, Anyway?” A Retrospective Impact Bias. Social Cognition, 21(6), 421-446. DOI: 10.1521/soco.21.6.421.28688
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