Recognizing and Addressing Negative Sentiment Override

If not careful, our perceptual evaluations of a partner can flip. The once endearing qualities quickly morph (in our minds) to annoyances and blaring imperfections. John Gottman refers to this perceptual state as “negative sentiment override.” This perceptual flip in how we evaluate our partner’s behaviors and character traits can quickly destroy the relationship. Where gentle sentiments once roamed, hurtful judgments move in, spoiling the fertile fields of love.

Relationships are dynamic, constantly changing, as the individuals involved change, the nature of the relationship changes. Sometimes these changes lead to strengthening bonds of trust, other times, to unhappiness and loss of friendship.

Introduction: The Power of Underlying Sentiments

Sentiment override is a psychological phenomenon that illustrates how an individual’s overarching feelings about their partner and relationship can significantly influence their interpretation of specific events or interactions. This concept encompasses two distinct forms: positive sentiment override (PSO) and negative sentiment override (NSO). PSO occurs when a person’s affectionate feelings towards their partner enable them to view even negative or neutral actions in an optimistic light (Hawkins et al., 2002). For instance, minor annoyances may be dismissed as trivial because the foundation of love and appreciation offers a protective buffer against potential conflicts.

In contrast, NSO arises when accumulating negative emotions lead individuals to perceive even positive or neutral behaviors negatively. As a result, actions once seen as loving may instead be interpreted through a critical lens, sowing seeds of doubt and mistrust within the relationship.

The implications of sentiment override extend beyond mere perception; they can profoundly impact relationship dynamics and outcomes. When partners experience PSO, they are more likely to maintain stability and satisfaction within the relationship, as their emotional connection fosters generosity in interpreting each other’s actions. Conversely, NSO creates a precarious environment where goodwill erodes over time. Positive gestures from one partner may be met with skepticism or cynicism by the other due to lingering negative sentiments (Hawkins et al., 2002).

This shift not only escalates conflict but also complicates resolution efforts since attempts at reconciliation are filtered through a negative perspective. Understanding whether PSO or NSO predominates in a relationship provides valuable insights into its health and functioning, highlighting the essential role that underlying emotional states play in shaping interactional realities between partners (Solomon et al., 2016).

New Relationships and Positive Sentiments

New relationships flood our systems with feel good chemicals—primarily dopamine. Life feels good; everything looks rosy. This distorted positive view is partially responsible for some us to blindly trust someone we probably should protectively examine. However, positive perceptions of a partner also lead to stronger and healthier relationships. Once invested, the positive sentiment helps dismiss the small incidental failings, something we all possess, without poisoning the good feelings partners have for each other.

In positive sentiment override, John Gottman, the William Mifflin Professor of Psychology at the University of Washington in Seattle, explains, “We don’t take negativity personally; we see it merely as evidence that our partner is stressed.” He continues, “We tend to distort toward the positive and see even negative as neutral” (Gottman, 2011).

Because feelings of fondness for a partner is related to experiencing more positive interactions than negative ones, perceptions of positive and negative are incredibly important. Slight shifts in perception (attributing neutral events as negative that once were seen as positive) can greatly impact the good feelings of the relationship. Over time, these shifts signal the end of the relationship as the mind begins to store accumulating negative events they attribute to the partner.

Perceptions and Goal Fulfillment

To more fully understand Gottman’s concept of negative sentiment override, we must embrace that ‘good’ and ‘bad’ are self created labels associated with relativistic thinking. When we relate an interaction as positive or negative, we are simply creating a label. Interactions are neither ‘good’ or ‘bad’ until we use a cognitive shortcut and attach them to a goal.

If the goal is a healthy, trusting relationship, then some interactions lead towards that goal, others lead away from the goal, and many are neutral. Our perceptions of interactions, then, are foundational towards feeling satisfied or dissatisfied in goal fulfillment—happiness. When we see our companion as a contributor to goal fulfillment, fondness and friendship thrive. However, when we see a partner as a potential obstacle to these goals, the relationship bonds begin to fray.

Gottman explains under these strained relationships, need fulfillment and goal achievement shifts from mutual striving to adversarial zero-sum games. He wrote, ​”In a zero-sum game each partner sees his or her own interests as preeminent: the interests of the partner do not count at all. The very notion of trust is directly opposed to the notion of the zero-sum game” (Gottman, 2011).

The Changing Narrative

While the actions between partners may seem consistent, the way individuals perceive those actions can shift dramatically over time. This phenomenon often leads to a situation where previously appreciated gestures are recast as signs of insincerity or ulterior motives. For instance, a partner’s loving words and thoughtful actions—like planning a special date or giving compliments—may initially be seen as affirmations of love and commitment.

However, if negative sentiment override takes hold, these same behaviors can be viewed through a lens of skepticism and mistrust. The emotional connection that once fostered positive interpretations diminishes, creating an environment rife with doubt and defensiveness.

Once the changing narrative of a relationship begins to take hold, irritation and resentment can accumulate, gradually undermining the foundational friendship that supports it. Crucially, negative sentiment override (NSO) profoundly affects perception: interactions are increasingly interpreted through a negative lens, causing neutral messages to be taken personally and responded to with defensiveness.

Individuals in this state become hypervigilant to perceived slights or attacks—comments or even mere “looks” devoid of any ill intent are misinterpreted as negative (Tell et al., 2006). This pervasive negativity fosters emotional withdrawal and disengagement from one another. Such dynamics paint a vivid picture of the psychological and behavioral manifestations of NSO within relationships, illustrating how detrimental shifts in perception can escalate conflict and erode intimacy over time.

Trudy Govier (1998) illustrates this dynamic poignantly in her exploration of trust within relationships. She notes that even when one partner expresses intentions to strengthen their bond—saying “I love you” or taking tangible steps like redecorating their shared space—the other may still interpret these efforts skeptically. The wife in Govier’s example suspects that her husband’s declarations lack genuine meaning; she views his attempts at kindness not as sincere acts but rather as desperate measures aimed at influencing her feelings toward him.

This mistrust transforms what should be affirming interactions into battlegrounds for validation and affection, ultimately undermining the foundational trust necessary for healthy relationship dynamics.

Negative Sentiment Override is an Absorbing State

An absorbing state refers to a psychological condition where an individual’s attention is profoundly engrossed in a specific internal experience, often making it challenging to shift focus or acknowledge external stimuli. This state is marked by intense emotional and perceptual immersion, enveloping the individual in their feelings or thoughts. While such absorption can arise from positive experiences—like being “lost” in a joyful moment—it frequently occurs with overwhelming negative emotions. In these instances, individuals become deeply consumed by distress, fear, or rumination. Such immersive states distort their perception of reality, rendering rational processing and awareness of the external world difficult.

Negative sentiment override (NSO) exemplifies how powerful this phenomenon can be in altering perceptions without conscious awareness. As Gottman noted, “In negative sentiment override, a negative perception is the ‘subtext’ that accompanies all interactions,” leading individuals to view their partners through a lens tainted by negativity (Gottman, 2011). This perspective causes them to attribute undesirable traits—such as selfishness or insensitivity—to their partner, even when neutral behaviors are present. Consequently, perceptions become self-perpetuating; rather than fostering understanding and connection, they invite further negativity into the relationship dynamic.

These negative emotional states create hypervigilance against perceived threats from one’s partner; even the slightest word may provoke defensiveness. T. Franklin Murphy highlighted this interactional cascade: “The heightened sensitivity of one partner tends to infect the other partner” (Murphy, 2022). A simple comment can trigger disproportionate reactions that escalate into full-blown emotional crises wherein communication stops altogether. The protective measures taken—whether through attack or withdrawal—ultimately undermine relational intimacy and safety.

Healthy relationships thrive only within emotionally secure environments; thus, when fears of interference overshadow genuine connection each partner feels compelled to protect themselves instead of nurturing togetherness.

Friendship with Our Partner Protects Against Negative Sentiment Override.

In Gottman’s book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, he wrote, “​​Most marriages start off with such a high, positive set point that it’s hard for either partner to imagine their relationship derailing.” Early, relationships feel immune to the world. We gleefully feel that no amount of pressure can intrude on the joyful union. However, our perspective is wrong. We misperceive the power of time and neglect.

​However, “over time anger, irritation, and resentment can build to the point that the friendship becomes more and more of an abstraction.” Gottman continues to describe the wear of time on the once blissful couple: “Eventually they end up in ‘negative sentiment override’.” We begin to interpret everything more and more negatively. Consequently, we experience negative implications from the words our partner says in a neutral tone of voice and with no ill intent (Gottman, 1999, p. 21). Gottman attributes this shift to loss of friendship. He hypothesizes that when friendship isn’t working “people go into negative sentiment override,” seeing our partner as our adversary, rather than our once annoying friend (Gottman, 2011).

Gottman strongly emphasizes that if friendship processes are working, “you automatically get positive sentiment override. If friendship isn’t working, you automatically get negative sentiment override, because you are ‘running on empty’ in the friendship.” Gottman argues it is one state or the other. As a result, there is no neutral ground (Gottman, 2011).

See Gottman Method Couple Therapy for more on Gottman’s concepts

Associated Concepts

• Perception and Interpretation: NSO involves a discrepancy between the perceptions of the receiver and the sender in an interaction. The receiver perceives interactions through a negative lens, even when their partner did not intend it to be negative.
• Conflict Resolution: NSO can significantly affect how conflicts are managed within a relationship. It can lead to a cycle where attempts at communication or resolution are viewed negatively, making it difficult to resolve issues constructively.
• Emotional Hijacking: This occurs when the emotional part of the brain overrides logical reasoning during a crisis, leading to impulsive behavior. This may interfere with resolving conflict.
• High-Stakes Conversations: These refer to the conversations within relationships that evoke strong emotions. Strong emotions can hinder logical thinking, leading to hurtful exchanges.
• Emotion Regulation: The ability to regulate emotions is crucial in preventing NSO. When partners can manage their emotions effectively, they are less likely to fall into a pattern of negative interpretation.
• Attachment Theory: NSO can be influenced by an individual’s attachment style. Those with insecure attachment styles may be more prone to experiencing NSO due to fears of abandonment or rejection.
• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT techniques can be applied to help individuals recognize and challenge the negative thought patterns that contribute to NSO.

A Few Words by Psychology Fanatic

Gottman’s work is well documented and the research is sound. Couples would do well to conscientiously and proactively protect the friendship. Importantly, couples must do things together, enjoy conversations, and respect individual goals. When we neglect these primary activities, the relationship begins to shift, perspectives change, and the costs of the relationship begin to seemingly outweigh the benefits. We must watch for the signs to prevent this from happening.

In conclusion, be friends and lovers to nurture that positive light.

Last Update: January 21, 2026

References:

Gottman, John M. (2011). The Science of Trust: Emotional Attunement for Couples. W. W. Norton & Company; Illustrated edition. ISBN-10: 0393707407; APA Record: 2011-06848-000
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Gottman, John & Silver, Nan (1999) The Seven Principles for Making Marriages Work. Harmony; 1st edition. ISBN-10: 0553447718
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Govier, Trudy (1998). Dilemmas of Trust. McGill-Queen’s University Press; First Edition. ISBN-10: 0773517979; DOI: 10.1017/S0012217300018643
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Hawkins, Mellisa W., Carrère, Sybil & Gottman, John (2002). Marital Sentiment Override: Does It Influence Couples’ Perceptions?. Journal of Marriage and Family, 64(1). DOI: 10.1111/j.1741-3737.2002.00193.x
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Murphy, T. Franklin (2022) Emotional Flooding. Psychology Fanatic. Published: 3-8-2022; Accessed: 5-3-2022. Website: https://psychologyfanatic.com/emotional-flooding/
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Solomon, Denise, & Priem, Jennifer (2016). Outcomes of emotional support in dating relationships: Relational turbulence or sentiment override?. Personal Relationships, 23(4), 698-722. DOI: 10.1111/pere.12155
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Tell, Stephanie, Pavkov, Tom, Hecker, Lorna, & Fontaine, Karen (2006). Adult Survivors of Child Abuse: An Application of John Gottman’s Sound Marital House Theory. Contemporary Family Therapy, 28(2), 225-238. DOI: 10.1007/s10591-006-9004-0
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