Confronting the Painful Truth: When Facts Challenge Beliefs
When a belief is challenged, the conflict sparks emotion. We create self-schemas about ourselves and the world around primal beliefs. Beliefs are paramount to our stability, giving order to our days and purpose to our sacrifices. Most beliefs don’t stand alone. Once we believe something it becomes part of our mental fabric. New information is categorized and sanitized neatly fitting into the preexisting structures of beliefs. When truth conflicts with a primary belief, we experience internal dissonance. Facts colliding with core beliefs present a painful truth.
We need the stability of an organized and predictable world; but this comes at the cost of ignorance. This is a healthy trade-off when mediated with some flexibility, understanding the propensity for errors in our beliefs. If we strongly hold beliefs, when conflicting data arises, the dissonance shakes our whole structure.
We have a belief bias. We are more likely to accept arguments that coincide with our beliefs. Accordingly, we accept illogical arguments as long as the final premise is pleasantly fitting with our beliefs. The conclusion feels good so who gives a damn about the road used to get there. In Psychology, we refer to this self sustaining process as ‘confirmation bias.’
When Truth Hurts
Truth, in its starkest form, can be incredibly painful because it often shatters our illusions, confronts us with uncomfortable realities, and forces us to face aspects of ourselves or our circumstances that we may have been avoiding. It can expose our vulnerabilities, reveal our shortcomings, or unveil harsh realities about the world around us. For instance, discovering a betrayal by a loved one, facing a serious health diagnosis, or realizing a long-held belief is false can be deeply distressing. These truths challenge our sense of security, our self-perception, and our understanding of how the world works, leading to emotional pain.
Furthermore, the pain of truth can stem from the loss it often entails. It might involve grieving the loss of a relationship, a dream, or a sense of certainty. Accepting the truth can require us to let go of something we valued or believed in, which can be a difficult and painful process. Additionally, truth can demand action or change, forcing us to confront difficult choices or make uncomfortable adjustments in our lives. This process of adaptation and change, while ultimately necessary for growth, can be accompanied by significant emotional discomfort.
An Example of Avoiding Painful Truth
A man from Texas approached me at the airport. I’m not sure why he singled me out from the crowd, possibly seeking a philosophical debate with a liberal Californian. Forcefully, without a few inviting pleasantries, he says, ‘What do you think of gun control?” Slightly taken off guard and not seeking a political debate with a stranger, I side-stepped his aggressive invitation with a non-committal, “the issue is complex with many give and takes.” My answer infuriated him. “It’s simple,” he interjected, cutting me off from finishing my thought. He then proceeded to list the same tired and worn arguments for ungoverned gun ownership. I commended his passion and excused myself from this unwelcomed tirade.
“When belief bias comes into play, you are basing your reasoning not on the strength of someone’s argument, but on the believability of his or her conclusion.”
Conflicting and Legitimate Arguments
I’ve learned that most hotly debated topics, with wide support on each side of the isle, contain legitimate arguments for both sides. Each trade-off is weighed differently depending on the grounding ideologies of the evaluator, placing different priorities on the inherent benefits and dangers.
Topics are complex—full of give and takes, benefiting in some ways while damaging in others. The arguments continue because the issue is unsolvable. Differences aren’t confined to politics, nations or religions but encountered on personal levels within more intimate settings, disrupting relationships and discouraging connections.
Our individual differences, when forced to comply with a right and wrong, strangle vision, encouraging the selfishness of a constricted view. When we believe a long-lasting topic of debate is simple, we must consider the simplicity is not the (complex) topic but the simpleness of our narrow-sighted opinion.
We are blind to the draconian hold a particular belief has on our reasonableness; and the painful truth hurts. We fight, and fight to prove the rightness of something that is simply an opinion with a constellation of blessings and curses.
See Selective Information Processing for more on this topic
“Various experiments have shown that people tend to not change their beliefs on complex issues even after being provided with research because of the way they interpret the evidence.”
Emotional Issues Lose Objectivity
If a different opinion discomforts, sending us into a rage, because (in our mind) the issue is simple, we have lost objectivity. We have over-simplified a complex issue, ignoring important realities, and fixated on our belief. Any challenge to this well-established belief then ignites defensiveness.
Seymour Epstein wrote:
“People will often do whatever they can to maintain their belief systems, which are the maps by which they navigate the world. Without a model of what the self and the world are like, of what is true and not true, and of what is right and wrong, a person’s life would collapse into chaos and overwhelming anxiety” (Epstein, 1998).
Our beliefs have a cascading effect. The more we act or argue a belief, whether or not it is true, the stronger that belief becomes (Harrison, 2013).
Exposure to complexity can be painful, shaking foundations, and acknowledging faults. The more weight we have placed on the belief, the more disrupting opposing evidence becomes. The discomfort compels us to attack the opposition rather than face vulnerability of possible an incorrect idea.
The different ideologies make for intriguing and educational debates on the national stage; but when the topics are more intimate, they lead to painful and destructive words at the kitchen table.
“Confirmation biases impact how we gather information, but they also influence how we interpret and recall information.”
Opening Our Minds to Painful Truth
Accepting painful truths instead of defensively rejecting them can be a challenging but rewarding process. For the most part, opening to painful truths requires rejecting automatic thought processes by challenging the first thoughts and feelings that pop into our mind when sensitive topics are breached. Dan Ariely, Professor of Psychology and Behavioral Economics at Duke University, wrote:
“We can actively improve on our irrational behaviors. We can start by becoming aware of our vulnerabilities. With everything you do, in fact, you should train yourself to question your repeated behaviors” (Ariely, 2013).
Martin Seligman encouragingly proposes that we can change habits of thinking. One of “the most significant findings in psychology in the last twenty years is that individuals can choose the way they think” (Seligman, 2006, p. 20).
Here are some strategies you can employ to foster acceptance:
- Cultivate Self-Awareness: Recognize your emotional responses when confronted with conflicting information. Being aware of your feelings can help you step back and analyze why you’re feeling defensive.
- Practice Mindfulness: Engage in mindfulness techniques such as meditation or deep breathing exercises. This helps create space for reflection rather than immediate reaction, allowing you to consider new perspectives.
- Seek Diverse Perspectives: Actively seek out opinions and beliefs that differ from your own. Engaging in discussions with people who hold different views can expand your understanding and challenge entrenched beliefs.
- Embrace Complexity: Acknowledge that most issues are complex and multifaceted, rather than black-and-white scenarios. Accepting complexity makes it easier to understand opposing viewpoints without feeling threatened.
- Focus on Growth: Shift the focus from being “right” to personal growth and learning. Viewing challenges as opportunities for development encourages a more open mindset.
- Utilize Critical Thinking: Apply critical thinking skills when evaluating information that conflicts with your beliefs. Assess the validity of arguments logically rather than emotionally.
By adopting these practices, you’ll likely find greater resilience against discomfort associated with confronting painful realities. These practices help foster healthier dialogues both internally and externally.
Associated Concepts
- Categorical Thinking: This cognitive bias refers to our human tendency to reduce people, things, and behaviors to a simple category. Typically, we label something as ‘good’ or ‘bad’, ignoring all the qualities that don’t cleanly fit into our definition.
- Relativistic Thinking: This refers to the biased thinking belonging to a particular individual or culture. In relativism, the philosophy is there are no absolute truths, only versions of truth colored by the context of the individual or culture.
- Dichotomous Thinking: This is the cognitive habit of interpreting actions, motivations, and attributes in extremes, without acknowledging the nuances or ‘shades of gray’ in between.
- Psychological Flexibility: This refers to the ability to be fully present and open to experiences, while acting in line with one’s values. It involves the willingness to experience emotions, thoughts, and sensations without unnecessary defense or avoidance, and to take effective action guided by one’s values.
- Human Irrationality: This refers to the tendency of individuals to make decisions and take actions that deviate from logical reasoning or sound judgment. This phenomenon encompasses a wide range of behaviors, such as cognitive biases, emotional influences, and irrational beliefs.
- Echo Chambers: This refers to where individuals seek information that reinforces their existing beliefs while shielded themselves from opposing viewpoints. This can lead to narrowing worldviews, reducing empathy, and social polarization.
A Few Words by Psychology Fanatic
To flourish in the face of complexity, we must be more mindful, identifying hidden biases, such as belief and confirmation bias, to uncover the complexity, and gain wisdom from a grander perspective. As we do so, loosening our grip on what we believe to be, we find the differences in philosophical debates not so maddening, holding different priorities. We can expand our understanding without the blinding rush of fury. We still make educated choices, supporting political candidates that support our ideals. But in humbleness, we remain open to new evidence, greater knowledge, that improves us as an individual, and us as a nation.
Last Updated: December 10, 2025
References:
Ariely, Dan (2013). The Honest Truth About Dishonesty: How We Lie to Everyone–Especially Ourselves. Harper Perennial; Illustrated edition. ISBN 10: 0062183613
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Epstein, Seymour (1998). Constructive Thinking: The Key to Emotional Intelligence. Praeger. ISBN-10: 027595885X; APA Record: 1998-06495-000
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Harrison, Guy (2013). Think: Why You Should Question Everything. Simon & Schuster; Illustrated edition. ISBN-13: 9781616148089
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Seligman, Martin E. P. (2006). Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life. Vintage. ISBN-13: 978-1400078394
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