The Psychology of Values and Behaviors: Linking Beliefs to Actions

When behaviors conflict with values, we experience a profound sense of dissonance that can be both unsettling and enlightening. This internal struggle leaves us feeling torn between the ideal selves we aspire to embody and the reality of our actions. Values serve as guiding principles—our moral compass—and when our behavior strays from these deeply held beliefs, it creates a rift that challenges our self-identity. The stress arising from this mismatch compels us to confront uncomfortable truths about ourselves, pushing us toward reflection and growth. Each moment of dissonance acts as an invitation for deeper introspection; it beckons us to examine not just what we believe but also why we behave in ways that contradict those beliefs.

Navigating this complex landscape requires courage and vulnerability, as acknowledging discrepancies between values and actions is no easy task. It often involves peeling back layers of self-deception to reveal underlying motivations driving our choices. When faced with moments where kindness clashes with ambition or honesty meets convenience, we are presented with opportunities for personal development rather than mere guilt or shame. Embracing these challenges allows us to transform internal conflict into empowerment, fostering resilience and authenticity in our lives. By actively working towards aligning our behaviors with our core values, we embark on a journey toward holistic wellness—where mental clarity flourishes alongside emotional harmony.

Integrating Behaviors and Values

We can’t blindly march and expect values and behaviors to smoothly sync. When we just live according to impulse, the syncing is forced to happened post hoc. We bend and twist interpretation of our erratic behavior to match our idealistic beliefs.

With the help of the prefrontal cortex, we can draw from a vast pool of resources to change the trajectories of our lives, using the executive functions of top-down processing to plan rather than allowing impulsive behavior first and leaning on the our creative processes to justify the harmful impulse.

Personal development requires active engagement, balancing demands with our important values. A flourishing, well-lived life needs focus on the things that we really want. We must attend to the things and people that matter.

See Self Deceptions for more on this topic

Identifying Values

Our values aren’t necessarily obvious. Many goals (motivators) exist beneath consciousness. Our actions quietly (sometimes loudly) serve these drives. Our explicit and specific goals, such as losing weight, may conflict with internal drives (unconscious goals). As in a weight loss goal, underlying motivations push for consumption, while conscious goals attempt to set limits. The overtly proclaimed goal often collapses to the less salient and unconscious goals. We suffer from conflicting goals. Regular reflection assists with identifying and resolving internal conflicts.

Identifying your values is a crucial step in understanding yourself and guiding your decisions.

Steps to Help You Uncover What Truly Matters to You

Reflect on Meaningful Experiences: Think about moments in your life that brought you joy, fulfillment, or pride. Consider what principles were at play during those times.
Assess Role Models: Identify people you admire and reflect on the qualities they embody. This can provide insight into the values you aspire to uphold.
Consider Your Passions: Analyze what activities or causes ignite your enthusiasm. Your passions often align closely with your core values.
Examine Your Reactions: Pay attention to situations that trigger strong emotional responses—both positive and negative. These reactions can highlight underlying values.
Write a Personal Mission Statement: Draft a statement that encapsulates who you are and what you stand for; this exercise can clarify your priorities.
Prioritize Values Lists: Look at lists of common values (like honesty, family, growth) and rank them according to their importance in your life.
Seek Feedback from Trusted Sources: Talk with friends or family who know you well and ask them what they perceive as your core values based on their experiences with you.
Experiment and Reflect: Try new activities or volunteer opportunities aligned with potential values you’re exploring, then reflect on how fulfilling these experiences feel.
Revisit Regularly: Understand that values may evolve over time; make it a habit to periodically reassess what’s important to ensure alignment with your current self.

By engaging in these practices thoughtfully, you’ll gain clarity about the fundamental beliefs that shape your identity and decision-making processes.

Values and Character

The specific relevant content for this request, if necessary, delimited with characters: Our character is defined by our foundational goals—whether we seek to be kind, secure, or powerful. All these driving forces exist within us; but have different priorities. When opportunities for kindness collide with need for power, which will win?

It is fascinating to consider the interplay of our foundational goals and how they shape our character. The inherent conflict that arises when the opportunity to display kindness converges with the desire for power is a timeless and thought-provoking topic. This complex interplay invites us to delve into the depths of human nature, exploring the tension between altruism and ambition, empathy and authority. As individuals, we are often confronted with choices that test the alignment of our actions with our internal values. In these poignant moments, our true character is revealed, laying bare our fundamental inclinations and priorities. The exploration of such internal conflicts allows us to gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and the intricate dynamics of human behavior.

See a People of Character for more on this topic

Divided Lives

An old Cherokee chief taught his grandson that, “There are two wolves living inside me.” He continued, “They are in a terrible and ferocious fight.” One of the wolves he explained was evil, full of anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego. The other wolf is good, full of joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.

The grandson pondered and then curiously asked, “which wolf will win?”

His kind grandfather replied, “The one that you feed.”

Our mental lives are divided—good and bad; self and others; conscious and unconscious. There is constant collision between warring parties. Our brains work to process the constant flow of information, soaking up data and providing a relevant narrative for guidance.

David Epstein, in his interesting book Range, wrote:

“Personality changes more than we expect with time, experience, and different contexts. Each ‘story of me’ continues to evolve” (Epstein, 2019).

When action occurs, one priority is given dominance over the others. One set of drives (conscious or unconscious) defines the more important value, demanding our behavioral attention, and motivating action. Values and behaviors often get separated during these complex processes. While, from a conscious perspective, we seem singular—united in purpose—we are not. Inferior stimuluses don’t vanish—they linger. Once the immediacy of choice has settled and action completed, unfollowed impulses remain, pestering the mind—cognitive dissonance.

See Self-Complexity for more on this topic

Cognitive Dissonance Theory

When two motivating goals collide, such as a ruthless action to secure advantage that hurts someone else and our self-image of kindness, a powerful dissonance arises interfering with inner peace. A divided self seeks for reunification. When belief and completed action are incompatible, we wildly justify forcing the odd action into the confining hole of our belief. We can act mean, blame it on the target, and maintain the self-righteousness of our kindness. Our dissonance is soothed, and we continue forward in the comforting fog of self-deception.

Self-deception serves us well—in the short run. It serves to perceptively lessen the divide between values and behaviors. However, recognizing, in the examples case, that an act was unkind, requires deeper examination, efforts to repair, and closer attention to impulses of unkindness in the future. We may even need to alter our current goals for power, taking a more compassionate route than originally designed. So, we continue as we always have, largely unconscious, and justifying the mismatched actions, on our golden road to hell (figurative).

See Cognitive Dissonance for more on this topic

Deep Reflections

We combat blind defensive nonsense by painstakingly looking a little deeper, knowing ominous threats to thoughts and examining patterns of justification and blaming, exposing for the hard truths that they hide. We must deliberately seek enlightenment and courageously fight trajectories that have harmed and will continue to harm our lives. Dragging internal conflicts out into the open, and adjusting behaviors to honor values is essential wellbeing.

See Deep Reflection for more on this topic

Strengthening the Good

There is another front to this war. We must direct positive resources to fight the battles. We win and lose many conflicts in the hidden recesses of our minds. The ferocious wolf of impulse and desire lurks there. We fight unconscious conflicts by strengthening worthy goals for good by adding uplifting and developing activities to our lives. For kindness, we read books by and about juggernauts of kindness. We join groups dedicated to helping others. And, we seek opportunities to serve. Kind practices strengthen hidden motivations to act kind, creating sensitivity to unkind and mean acts—magnifying dissonance when we act in opposition to our desire for kindness.

Nathaniel Branden explained this process in his book Six-Pillars of Self-Esteem:

“The practice of these virtues over time tends to generate a felt need for them. If I habitually operate at a high level of consciousness, unclarity and fog in my awareness will make me uncomfortable. I will usually experience a drive to dispel the darkness. If I have made self-responsibility second nature, passivity and dependency will be onerous to me. I will experience internal pressure to reassert the control over my existence possible only with autonomy. If I have been consistent in my integrity, I will experience dishonesty on my part as disturbing and will feel a thrust to resolve the dissonance and restore the inner sense of moral cleanliness” (Branden, 1995).

Associated Concepts

Personal Constructs: These are subjective beliefs used to interpret the world. Developed by George Kelly, they influence emotions, memories, and future evaluations. Kelly emphasizes personal growth through understanding and reshaping constructs.
Moral Disengagement Theory: This theory developed by Albert Bandura, explores cognitive mechanisms enabling individuals to rationalize and justify unethical actions. It delves into mental processes used to disengage from moral standards.
Authenticity: This involves aligning actions with true self, leading to self-acceptance, meaningful relationships, and genuine fulfillment. It encompasses self-awareness, unbiased processing, behavioral authenticity, and relational orientation, all contributing to mental health and personal growth.
Moral Justification: This refers to the cognitive construal of behavior to reconstruct cognitive interpretations of behavior in kinder terms.
Kohlberg’s Stages of Moral Development: According to Kohlberg, individuals progress through these stages as they mature. Each stage represents a more complex understanding of moral reasoning and ethical decision-making. Kohlberg’s theory emphasizes the importance of reasoning and thinking processes in moral development, and it has been influential in shaping our understanding of how individuals develop their sense of right and wrong.
Utilitarianism: This is a consequentialist moral theory, prioritizes actions that produce the greatest good for the greatest number of people. It values happiness as the ultimate end, emphasizes equal consideration of individuals’ well-being, and addresses complex ethical dilemmas.

A Few Final Words by Psychology Fanatic

Soothing discomforts between mismatched values and behaviors is a life time work. Wisely solving and resolving dissonance is what wellness demands. Personal development solves the dissonance by bringing behaviors into line with values rather than the simpler path of justifying and protecting blame. Our inner peace can be discovered. We can bring together who we think we are with who we really. As these two worlds come together, our lives, through healthy behaviors, express our values.

Last Updated: December 17, 2025

References:

Branden, Nathaniel (1995) The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem: The Definitive Work on Self-Esteem by the Leading Pioneer in the Field. Bantam; Reprint edition. ISBN-10: 0553374397
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Epstein, David (2019). Range: Why Generalists Triumph in a Specialized World. Riverhead Books. ISBN-10: 0735214506
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