Self-Esteem, Dreams and Achievement

I sometimes am a little cynical. I have seen too many young people chase impractical goals and lose. We certainly can dream big, but sometimes we must pull the reins and slow down. Perhaps, we’re chasing something that is beyond our ability and resources. Self-esteem is part of a feedback loop that includes achievements, and success. If we always chase fantastic dreams that fail, we damage our self-esteem. We need workable goals that challenge us, push us to a new level but don’t discourage us and lead to a string of failures.

Nathaniel Branden, pioneering psychologist and leading authority on self-esteem, wrote:

“The higher the self-esteem, the more ambitious we tend to be, not necessarily in a career or financial sense, but in terms of what we hope to experience in life—emotionally, intellectually, creatively, spiritually. The lower our self-esteem, the less we aspire to and the less we are likely to achieve. Either path tends to be self reinforcing and self perpetuating” (Branden, 1995).

We often speak in absolutes. For instance, we may draw from Branden’s remarks that if we have high-self-esteem, we will have greater aspirations, and greater achievements. However, self-esteem, achievements, and aspirations are all dynamic, changing concepts. Aspirations can exceed ability and resources. Achievements can be small or big and accompanied by periodic failures. And, of course, self-esteem expands and retracts throughout our lives.

Our greatest success comes when we integrate our self-esteem, with our resources and abilities, and moderate aspirations, keeping them within an achievable window.

See a Workable Plan for more on this topic

Dream Careers

Many bright young men and women choose careers envisioning the glamour of the most successful in that field—the spectacular few that veered from the crowd. We love stories from the journals of the fabulous few. These success stories create friendly fodder for dreams. We delight in the hero who ignores conventional wisdom, surpasses expectations, and achieves greatness. While glamorizing the few, we haplessly ignore the majority. The untold stories of those who veered from time honored wisdom and failed.

Some careers sparkle. We see the wealth, fame and fulfillment in sparkling careers and say, “I want that.” We are dreamers, naturally attracted to the fabulous while ignoring the mundane. However, we can obtain some of these dreams. But having a dream does not equate fulfillment. Success requires an understanding of the demanding path and often a lot of luck. The youthful dreamer—and mature dreamer—often underestimates the challenges. The aspiring youngster, struggling to finish his fashion degree, will discover the degree doesn’t naturally convert to a high paying career.

Complexity and Dreams

​A deeper investigation reveals the difficult competition, with most settling for less glamorous (and underpaid) employment. Market conditions, individual abilities, family connections and capital all influence the height of achievement. Ivanka Trump may run a successful clothing line at high-end fashion stores while a more capable person, educated in fashion, lacks other resources necessary to transverse significant obstacles, and eventually settles for low-level management at Old Navy.

Should we chase dreams? Absolutely, at least some of them. Each person, each situation, and each dream are different; complexity reigns. Realistic views of personal abilities and resources helps assess the necessary steps to propel us from where we are to where we desire to be. After a thorough investigation, we may return to time honored principles of success (work, budget, save, and invest)—not because we are a quitter but because we are wise.

This complexity applies to all—not just young impressionable minds. We are hypnotized by the sweet serenaded: You can be anything you want to be. This is not always the case. Certainly, many—If not most—can achieve more but have settled for less. But this doesn’t imply there are no limitations. We will never become rich selling a ten-dollar gadget that requires nine-dollars of materials and two hours of labor to make—no matter how delightful the dream. The business plan is a bust; the numbers don’t add up.

Advice from a business consultant might unveil the obvious problem with our venture. We can ignore the consultant, labeling them a dream destroyer; but continuing in ignorance will be costly. The discouraging advice may be full of wisdom.

The Danger of Shortcuts

Sometimes dreams are shortcuts, a hope that distracts from the difficult task of succeeding. The long path to success often discourages, draining precious energy and wearing on confidence. As we stagger through the ordinary, the sweet beckoning shortcut is enticing. “You can be rich.” Marketers capitalize on unrealistic dreams. They tease us, creating a necessity and providing an illusionary path—where neither the necessity nor the path exists. We fear missing these limited opportunities, so we take the costly detour before a healthy and skeptical examination.

The promised shortcut momentarily provides relief from the dusty paths, but fairy tale dreams typically fail. Left with the ruins, we must gather the shattered pieces of lost time and resources, hopefully a little wiser and more scrutinizing. Some spend a lifetime chasing big dreams that never materialize, living on the exhilaration of the next big thing but never reaching the promised land.

I watched an uncle chase dreams, each new venture promising to be the big one. He stumbled upon moderate success (occasionally) only to invest the meager returns in another faulty dream. My father took a different path.  He obtained a degree in engineering; he thriftily saved money, wisely invested, and retired. Glamorous, maybe not. Successful, arguably so. I followed his path. Rich by some standards, poor by others.

False-Hope Syndrome and Unrealistic Expectations

The pervasive notion that “you can be anything you want to be” can be both inspiring and misleading. While it’s crucial to foster ambition and encourage individuals to pursue their dreams, this oversimplified mantra can set unrealistic expectations and inadvertently hinder personal growth. By ignoring the realities of socioeconomic constraints, inherent talents, and the sheer volume of competition, this belief can lead individuals to set unattainable goals, leading to inevitable disappointment and a sense of failure.

This cycle of false hope and subsequent disillusionment can be particularly detrimental to young people. When faced with obstacles and setbacks, they may attribute their failures to personal shortcomings rather than acknowledging the complex interplay of factors that contribute to success. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, and a decreased motivation to pursue their goals.

Janet Polivy and C. Peter Herman, distinguished researchers in the psychology of eating and body image wrote:

“Embarking on self-change attempts induces feelings of control and optimism that supersede the lessons of prior experience. Finally, people tend to expect an unrealistically high payoff from successful self-change” (Polivy & Herman, 2000).

Instead of focusing solely on limitless potential, it’s crucial to emphasize the importance of realistic goal setting, developing essential skills like resilience and perseverance, and cultivating a growth mindset that embraces challenges and setbacks as opportunities for learning and growth. By providing a more nuanced and realistic understanding of success, we can empower individuals to navigate the complexities of life with greater resilience and achieve their full potential.

See False-Hope Syndrome for more on this topic

Associated Concepts

• Realistic Optimism: This refers to a mindset that involves maintaining a positive outlook while also being grounded in reality. It acknowledges challenges and obstacles, but focuses on constructive ways to overcome them.
• Unrealistic Expectations: These are expectations that most likely will never occur, leaving us disappointed and hurt. Many of these expectations are unconscious. However, we still feel the pain when life leaves these them unfulfilled.
• Outcome Expectancies: These refer to the anticipated consequences (positive or negative) of engaging in a particular behavior. Depending on our outcome expectancies, they may motivate or discourage action.
• Achievement-Goal Theory: This theory provides a framework to measure the effectiveness of goals. It posits that an individual’s beliefs about their abilities and the motivations behind their actions shape their behavior.
• Progress Principle: This principle suggests that individuals derive a sense of satisfaction and motivation from making progress towards meaningful goals. This principle is based on the idea that small wins or accomplishments, even if they are minor, can have a significant positive impact on an individual’s well-being and motivation.
• Expectancy-Value Theory: It suggests that individuals’ beliefs about their ability to perform a task and the value they place on success predict their achievement goals.
• Sunk Costs: This fallacy refers to the tendency for individuals to continue investing in a failing endeavor because of the time, money, or resources they have already put into it, regardless of future outcomes. This erroneous line of thinking disregards the actual situation and evaluates choices based on past investments rather than prospective benefits.

A Few Words By Psychology Fanatic

Some opportunities are worth great sacrifices. A watchful eye may unveil potential investments. But haphazardly jumping at every attractive side show, leads nowhere. We will never perfectly know which opportunities to chase and which to politely turn down; we must wisely discriminate, seeking wisdom from those with experience. But while waiting for your chance of a lifetime to be anything you want to be, you would do well to bank on the time-honored elements of success: education, prudence, and determined hard work.

Last Update: November 23, 2025

References:

Branden, Nathaniel (1995) The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem: The Definitive Work on Self-Esteem by the Leading Pioneer in the Field. Bantam; Reprint edition​. ISBN-10: 0553374397
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Polivy, Janet; Herman, C. Peter (2000). The False-Hope Syndrome. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 9(4), 128-131. DOI: 10.1111/1467-8721.00076
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