Commitment to Change: Overcoming Internal Battles

We are strange creatures. Watching our life from a dispassionate position is a spectacular show and often odd show. We are in battle with ourselves, fighting the opposing forces within. Only when we have a strong commitment to change will we be able to conquer the foe and move forward with our lives.

One moment an internal wave of strength moves us to change. The chain smoker decides to quit and destroys his remaining cigarettes; but within a few hours, he is searching for his keys and heading to the store to for a fresh pack. In the morning, we commit to start a new diet; but by evening we gorge on a high calorie snack, famished from limited intake during the day. We know we should get to bed early; but stay glued to the computer checking for the latest wonderful facebook post.

​A cinema production of our life would almost be comical if the experienced reality wasn’t so painful. Back and forth, we know what we should do—for the most part—but when it is time to act, we give in to the expediency of the moment. While failure to act with due respect for the future is common, it isn’t universal. Many people have mastered a future oriented mindset and routinely act in their best interest.

Is Change Possible?

But what about the others. Are they destined to a diminished life? Many life stragglers will grapple with postponement of pleasure. Whether it is genetics, environment or as I believe a complex mixture of many influences, the inner-battle waged by billions between immediate desires and long-term dreams lead down sorrowful paths. We must fight a roaring enemy living in our own head that we must face for the remainder of our sojourn on this dusty planet. Will our commitment to change survive this challenge?

The struggle between doing something we know is good and something that provides momentary pleasure is difficult enough; but the struggle is much deeper. Each choice, once made, is bathed in meaning. We feel guilty for failures. We label ourselves weak or strong. The choice becomes part of our self-definition, spring boarding self-esteem, and motivating other successful or destructive actions.

However, we want to change. When we feel unhappy, our mind jumps to action, searching for causes. Unhappiness is the problem and our problem-solving brain jumps to work, conducting an analysis, determining what is wrong with our life and in need of reconstruction. Naturally, we are happier when we healthy, well-fed, comfortable, safe, prosperous, knowledgeable, respected, non-celibate and loved. When we perceive deficiencies in any of these areas, we feel threatened and lose the enjoyments of peace and security.

The Tasks Required for Personal Change

This journey involves setting specific, measurable goals and consistently working towards them, often stepping out of one’s comfort zone to embrace new challenges. This journey of self-improvement is driven by a strong sense of self-awareness and a desire for personal fulfillment, ultimately leading to a more enriched and purposeful life. It requires resilience, adaptability, and an openness to feedback, viewing mistakes not as setbacks but as invaluable learning experiences. In essence, being committed to personal improvement is a lifelong pursuit of excellence that profoundly impacts an individual’s capacity to achieve their full potential.

This is no journey for the faint of heart. Our minds often default to resource conservation, rebelling against intense efforts of personal transformations. Often the easier path is reliving our same habits, experiencing our same disappointing experiences, and then blaming external forces for our inability to enjoy life.

Finding and Fixing

Any honest detailed inspection exposes deficiencies. Any problem-solving journey that explores deep into the human psyche discovers the thorns of existence, rips in the flesh, each giving plenty of reasons for unhappiness. The self-searching process reminds us of our vulnerability, unearthing insurmountable evidence of our rotten lives. The task of fixing, taping, and gluing the fragments into a happy and perfect whole seems impossible.

Could it be that this ‘finding and fixing’ program creates the self-loathing, discouragement, helplessness and even eventual depression? If my happiness and sense of self-worth is tied up in my ability to ‘find and fix,’ I will get stuck in a vicious cycle that never leads to the happy ending. There will always be more to find and attempt to fix. This focus of fixing our broken parts has a tendency to discourage. We need a better narrative to the process of change.

Condemning Judgments of Self

Karen Horney wrote:

“Self-accusations, by contrast, issue a condemnatory verdict by declaring the whole personality to be no good. And with this verdict they stop. This stopping at a point when a positive move could set in constitutes their intrinsic futility. To put it in most general terms, our conscience is a moral agency serving our growth, while self-accusations are amoral in origin and immoral in effect because they keep the individual from soberly examining his existing difficulties and thereby interfere with his human growth” (Horney, 1950).

It is not so much the exploration of self that creates a person to shutdown and stall progress. It is the judgments that accompany the findings. Instead of motivating change the findings invite judgment of the whole personality, and those judgments set in motion depressive shutting down.

Our commitment to change is only successful when it motivates the correct action to achieve the goal. I prefer to view personal change as growth—not repair. There is nothing wrong with the seeding. Given the proper conditions, water and sunlight it will grow.

Personal Intelligence

Self-awareness is essential for growth. Identifying character flaws that fall short of ideals is important. The small tweaks and adjustments that follow the discovery can improve our lives. We will enjoy better health, more wisdom, a greater sense of self, and improved relationships. Obstacles, false hopes, and unrealistic expectations litter this pathway to improvement. We can’t find paradisiacal happiness through changes., just personal growth. Good and bad, happiness and sorrow exist in every life.

John D. Mayer, a professor of psychology at the University of New Hampshire, wrote:

“Personal intelligence speaks both to our human potential and to our capacity for well-being. But although it contributes to our growth as individuals and to our skills at engaging with society, it also speaks to the value of knowing our boundaries and limits” (Mayer, 2014).

​Changes attempted with a false hope in perfection will disappoint. Growth is a pattern of slow adjustments, always beset by stumbles. An ill-prepared mind will struggle with these changes, surprised by the difficulties, we will weary in our commitment to change and run to the store, ending their short-lived desire to be smoke free.

Staying Committed to a Journey of Self-Improvement

To maintain this commitment to self-improvement, it is essential to develop consistent and sustainable habits that reinforce your goals. Start by creating a structured plan outlining your objectives and the steps needed to achieve them. Incorporate these steps into your daily routine, ensuring that each day brings you closer to your aspirations.

Another key factor is to cultivate a growth mindset, which involves viewing challenges as opportunities for learning rather than obstacles. This positive outlook can be bolstered by surrounding yourself with supportive individuals who encourage your progress and provide constructive feedback. Engaging in regular reflection is also vital; take time to assess your achievements and areas for improvement, celebrating your successes and learning from your setbacks.

Additionally, staying curious and open-minded can greatly enhance your self-improvement journey. Continuously seek out new knowledge and experiences that align with your goals, whether through reading, taking courses, or exploring new hobbies. This approach not only keeps you engaged but also broadens your perspective and skill set.

Finally, practice self-compassion and patience. Personal growth is a gradual process, and it’s important to acknowledge and appreciate the progress you make, no matter how small. By being kind to yourself and staying persistent, you can ensure that your dedication to self-improvement remains strong and unwavering.

Setbacks and Challenges

The road to personal change is not a smooth one. We are constantly bombarded with surprises requiring flexible adjustments. This can be frustrating. However, we can work through these momentary setbacks and get back on course. Madeline Miles wrote:

“Any personal development journey is a lifelong commitment, not a sprint or achievable task. It will weather bumps and roadblocks but it can also thrive in other areas of your life” (Miles, 2022).

The current caretakers of the Harvard Longitude study, Robert J. Waldinger and Marc Schulz explain:

“The good life is joyful… and challenging. Full of love, but also pain. And it never strictly happens; instead, the good life unfolds, through time. It is a process. It includes turmoil, calm, lightness, burdens, struggles, achievements, setbacks, leaps forward, and terrible falls. And of course, the good life always ends in death” (Waldinger & Schulz, 2023).

The point is “life is difficult.”

Even if we prioritize avoiding difficulties, as many do, we will still experience pain and disappointment. I would argue, with many others, that a path of avoidance actually will encounter more difficulties than one of growth.

Because personal change is difficult, the journey sparks fear, motivating an impulse to retreat and protect. Susan Jeffers wrote:

“I know that some fear is instinctual and healthy, and keeps us alert to trouble. The rest—the part that holds us back from personal growth—is inappropriate and destructive, and perhaps can be blamed on our conditioning” (Jeffers, 2023).

Psychotherapist and author Harriet Lerner encourages persistence against the challenges. She wrote:

“We have nobody’s life to live but our own, so we all need to manage what fate hands us as well as we can—even when things fall apart, which they will. Few of us are evolved enough to live fully, mindfully, and peacefully in the face of crisis. But we can minimize the energy we spend comparing ourselves to others or feeling ashamed of our vulnerability, and maximize the energy we spend living as full and fulfilling a life as possible” (Lerner, 2005).

See Life Challenges for more on this topic

Associated Concepts

• Self-Compassion: This refers to a helpful trait of self-kindness while in pursuit of personal change. We can encourage growth without playing the role of an inner taskmaster, forcing change.
• SMART Goals: This is a framework for setting and achieving objectives effectively. The acronym stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-Bound.
• Staying Motivated: Motivation is a key trait for continuing progress in self-improvement endeavors. There are several scientifically supported ways to keep motivation alive.
• Growth Motivation: This refers to the inner drive or desire to continuously develop and improve oneself, whether it be in personal, professional, or emotional aspects. Individuals with growth motivation are often focused on setting and achieving goals, expanding their knowledge and skills, and adapting to new experiences.
• Sartre’s Theory of Motivation: According to Sartre, human beings are driven by a fundamental desire for freedom and self-expression. He argues that individuals are motivated by the need to assert their existence and define their essence through their choices and actions.
• False-Hope Syndrome: This syndrome is a repetitive phenomenon of beginning self-change with high hopes and expectations of successful outcomes, based on unrealistic expectations that inevitably ends in failure.
• Opportunity Mindset: The power of an opportunity mindset lies in recognizing and seizing opportunities for growth and success. By shifting from justifying failure to seeking opportunity, individuals can reduce stress, encourage growth, and find new directions.

A Few Words By Psychology Fanatic

We can change. We can embark on life repairing journeys, fight through the helplessness, strong impulses, and land on our feet. Notably, we cannot win this war with ourselves by sheer will power. Accordingly, we must fight smart. We have limited energy to self-regulate.

We make successful life changes through more thoughtful efforts, creating environments that ease the process. markedly, we can’t expect to do everything else the same, single out a pervasive habit and force it into submission. This foolishness doesn’t work. We need crutches to boost our commitment to change, giving them energy and assistance.

We do this by changing routines, avoiding environments ripe with temptations, and summoning others to our aide. Change will still prove difficult but more manageable. Some habits are too formable, impossible to destroy in a head-on attack. We need to be sly, working around the ferocious enemy, improving life skills that strengthen the self. We can’t keep fighting the same battle, in the same manner, and hope for better results. End this comical movie, seek help, try something new, and emerge the victor.

Last Update: December 20, 2025

Resources:

Horney, Karen (1950/1991). Neurosis and Human Growth: The struggle toward self-realization. W. W. Norton & Company; 2nd edition.ISBN-10: 0393307751; APA Record: 951-02718-000
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Jeffers, Susan (2023). Feel the Fear… and Do It Anyway: Dynamic Techniques for Turning Fear, Indecision, and Anger into Power, Action, and Love. Harvest. ISBN-10: 0063291290
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Lerner, Harriet (2005). The Dance of Fear: Rising Above Anxiety, Fear, and Shame to Be Your Best and Bravest Self. ‎Perennial Currents; Reprint edition. ISBN-10: 0060081589
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Mayer, John D. (2014). Personal Intelligence: The Power of Personality and How It Shapes Our Lives. Scientific American / Farrar, Straus and Giroux. ISBN-10: 0374534969
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Miles, Madeline (2022). Are you reaching your full potential? A guide to personal development. Betterup. Published: 2-10-2022; Accessed: 10-7-2024. Website: https://www.betterup.com/blog/personal-development
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Waldinger, Robert J.; Schulz. Marc (2023). The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness. Simon & Schuster. ISBN-10: 1982166703
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