Emotionally Stable: Harnessing the Power of Emotional Balance

Wildly fiery or stoically aloof, we all have a unique emotional style. Whether we are extremely expressive or somewhat reserved, our emotional style may be stable and productive. Emotionally stable people utilize emotional arousal to energize healthy behaviors instead of misguided defensive protections. Emotional stability, while strongly associated with biological givens, can be learned through practicing emotion regulating skills.

​Stabilized emotions hover around a comfortable homeostatic state. While emotionally we don’t want to be flat, we also don’t want to constantly experience arousal on the outer fringes of manageable.

Emotional stability is presented as the opposite of the big five personality trait of neuroticism in personality research.

Moments of Emotional Instability​

​Most of us been there; and if we haven’t we certainly witnessed it. The emotional tizzy fit. We experience a wave of emotion, our systems overload, get sucked into the black hole of emotion. We blindly respond without an ounce of concern for the future, destroying futures, complicating goals, and exhausting energy, by helplessly reacting to internal waves of feeling.

Emotional instability is a mixture of heightened arousal and insufficient regulating resources. Behaviors follow the emotion. When under the influence of intoxicating emotions we blow a fuse at the inconsiderate driver, putting ourselves and family in danger; we flee from opportunity, fearing failure; we destroy intimate connection with angry reactions to small stresses common in all relationships.

We Experience Emotion

A central part of the human experience is emotion. Life is a feeling experience. Emotion colors our moments. Without emotion we wouldn’t experience excitement or sorrow. Life would be a drab existence.

Life takes us on a rollercoaster of feeling. We experience a variety of moods throughout the weeks, months and years of our existence. New experiences arouse our senses, drawing us closer for curious exploration or pushing us away in fear. The emotion isn’t unstable. However, our reaction to the emotion may be. We may let the emotional arousals spiral into full blown emotional devastation. We do this through action and thought.

With over a decade of psychological research, I have discovered a few common characteristics of emotionally stable people.

Emotionally Stable People Accept Their Emotions

There is plenty of advice out there to blunt emotions, bury them, or ignore their influence by browbeating them down with an indomitable mind. The truth is that emotions are essential to wellness. They stamp events with personal significance, providing the substance for meaningful connection. They draw wisdom from the past, reminding of danger and opportunity.

Research has shown that unhealthy suppression of emotion often leads to physical elements later.

Emotionally stable people feel emotion, recognizing its presence in their life, and draw meaningful wisdom from the arousals. However, they don’t loosely or ignorantly react to these bouts of felt emotion. We need to be aware of our emotions. Listening to them and validating them. And when the situation warrants take appropriate action in response to them.

Daniel Siegel explains that recognizing the energy flow of emotion creates clarity. He wrote that, “By learning to monitor with more stability, the details of energy and information flow in the body and in relationships can be seen with more clarity, depth, and detail” (Siegel, 2012). 

Emotions must be recognized without judgement. We shouldn’t judge ourselves because we emotionally react to stimuli. Our past and biology work together to create our responses. This something, at least in the moment, that we cannot control. The emotion itself isn’t a major disruption until we begin to judge it as wrong and condemning ourselves as flawed for feeling it.

Emotionally Stable People Utilize Effective Regulating Strategies

Emotional regulation is the process of balancing emotions, creating the stability. Emotional regulation is more than tools. Regulating emotion is a habit—a pattern of behavioral and cognitive response to waves of emotion. Emotional regulation begins with a measure of frustration tolerance and then moves to specific techniques to manage unruly emotions pushing for action. The goal, again, isn’t to snuff out the emotion but to channel the energy to productive action. Regulation stabilizes the emotion, escaping harmful pushes to immediately gratify or escape. 

Often living with the discomfort of the emotion is necessary to venture into unknown areas of life. Instead of relieving the emotion, we regulate, keeping the emotion manageable, or transforming the emotion by altering our focus. In Emotion Focused Therapy they refer to this as replacing emotion with emotion.

A few common emotional regulation techniques are:

Cognitive Restructuring

Cognitive restructuring is a therapeutic technique used in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) to help individuals identify and challenge negative or irrational thoughts. The goal of cognitive restructuring is to replace unhelpful thought patterns with more balanced and realistic ones, leading to improved emotional well-being and behavior.

This process involves becoming aware of automatic negative thoughts, examining evidence for and against these thoughts, and then developing more rational and adaptive ways of thinking. By addressing distortions in thinking such as black-and-white thinking, catastrophizing, or mind reading, individuals can learn to reframe their perspectives and respond more effectively to challenging situations.

Overall, cognitive restructuring aims to empower individuals to gain control over their thoughts and beliefs, ultimately promoting healthier mental habits and coping strategies.

Mindfulness

Mindfulness is a practice that involves being fully present and engaged in the current moment without judgment. When used as a skill to regain emotional stability, mindfulness can help individuals become more aware of their thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations in a non-reactive manner. Jon Kabat-Zinn explains that, “We cultivate this mindfulness by paying attention to things we ordinarily never give a moments thought to” (Kabat-Zinn, 2013).

Rimma Teper, Zindel Segal, and Michael Inzlicht explain that, “Mindfulness promotes the early awareness and nonjudgmental acceptance of emotional stimuli, it allows people to engage in regulation early in the time course of stimulus processing, before intense emotional responses occur” (Teper et al., 2013).

This early calming of emotions helps individuals maintain emotional stability. By cultivating mindfulness, individuals can develop the ability to observe their inner experiences without becoming overwhelmed or carried away by them. This increased awareness allows for greater self-regulation and emotional control, enabling individuals to respond to challenging situations with clarity and composure.

Through regular mindfulness practice, such as meditation or deep breathing exercises, individuals can strengthen their capacity to stay grounded and centered amidst life’s ups and downs. By tuning into the present moment and accepting things as they are, rather than getting caught up in rumination or worry about the past or future, individuals can cultivate a sense of calmness and resilience.

Overall, mindfulness serves as a valuable tool for enhancing emotional stability by fostering self-awareness, acceptance, and an overall sense of well-being.

Distraction

Distraction can be beneficial if used appropriately. However, distraction shouldn’t be used to avoid difficult situations but as an avenue to settle emotions, regain stability, and preparation for effective behavior. We can write in a journal, exercise, or engage in a hobby. The idea is to find a distraction that demands attention, pulling our mind away from the stressor. Psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi refers to the cognitive state produced by attention grabbing activities as ‘flow’. Flow states can temporarily distract, allowing for us to regain our strength, refuel our depleted ego, and then move forward towards our long term goals.

Problems arise when distraction becomes an escape. We engage in something less emotionally demanding, never to return to the problem needing attention. We have a disagreement with our spouse (emotionally demanding) and go to the bar (distraction). The problem with distractions like this is they actually may create more issues than they solve. We run from the emotion, rather than intelligently settling the emotion so we can accomplish what needs to be accomplished. In this example, re-engaging in conversation with our spouse to find a resolution to the disagreement.

Problem-Solving

Many people are able to stabilize emotions by getting to work on the problem. According to Behavior Activation Theory, this can be an effective response to manage emotions. Often the entirety of a problem is causing the distress. Working on the problem many require breaking it up into sizable chunks, beginning with a simple piece we know must be accomplished. I have found some topics I choose to research quickly overwhelm when I look at the magnitude of the subject. The massiveness of the project leads to postponing the work. I have learned that if I just begin, perhaps format a new webpage, create a single subsection, and begin to scribble some notes, the anxiety settles and I begin to move forward.

Anxiety and fear often signal to pull away. However, pulling away neglects accomplishing what needs to be accomplish. We should acknowledge the emotion, understand the message, and then redirect efforts in a way that simplifies, relieving some of the anxiety. Success of large projects requires a workable plan, broken up into smaller manageable actions.

See Problem-Solving: A Cognitive Process for more on this topic

Emotionally Stable People Manage Stressors

Emotionally stable people are not simply resilient, effectively managing more stress than others; they also predict future stresses and avoid unneeded encounters. We all have limited energy to deal with life. Therefore, we must manage where and how we are going to spend that energy. We must predict, learn from experience, and limit exposures to people and events that overwhelm our systems.

We can’t just live life in the moment. Emotional stability requires a measure of future mindedness. This means if we know our extended family draws too much for our reservoir of strength, we limit exposure. Instead of spending a week vacation with family, we limit it to a few days. We may attend the family dinner but leave shortly after the meal.

​Other stressors are consequences of poor planning. Financial budgets can eliminate future stress of an empty bank account. Education and skill development can release future stress of employment. Spending time developing and maintaining a relationship with a spouse can prevent the future stress of a divorce.

​By wisely managing our lives in the present we limit the stress load in the future.

Emotionally Stable People Have Support From External Resources

Emotional stabilization is more than an internal job. Autonomy and personal resources are essential. But even the most resilient can be overwhelmed, overloaded with stress, and in need of support. Support networks rarely are formed during crisis. We may discover who we can count on in the heat of the moment, however, we build those relationships during day to day interactions.

No, we are not an island. And no, we can’t manage life all by ourselves. Some of our greatest resources are found outside of ourselves. We must take time to develop connections where we can openly share our strengths and draw support for our weaknesses.

Internal resources are like our checking account. We make deposits, while withdrawing funds to cover ever day expenses. We take some of the extras and invest in relationships (a savings account). When emotional surprises overwhelm, those monthly deposits into the savings accounts may be life saving. We find in the critical moments that the relationships are gold, bearing some of our burdens, lifting us over the hump, and aiding in emotional healing.

Emotionally Stable People Express Their Emotions

Emotionally stable individuals excel in the skillful expression of their emotions, which is a vital component of emotional intelligence. They possess a heightened awareness of their emotional experiences and understand how these feelings relate to their long-term goals and values. This mindfulness allows them to articulate their emotions effectively, ensuring that they communicate not just the feeling itself but also its significance in context.

Rather than impulsively reacting or blurting out discomfort during challenging situations, emotionally stable people take a moment to reflect on how best to express themselves. They consider the potential impact of their words on others and aim for clarity rather than confrontation, leading to more constructive dialogues.

This thoughtful approach fosters an environment where honest sharing can occur without blame or hostility. By framing their emotions within the broader narrative of shared experiences and mutual understanding, they create opportunities for connection and empathy. When expressing discomfort or frustration, emotionally stable individuals do so with care; they focus on “I” statements rather than accusatory “you” statements, which helps prevent defensiveness from others.

This mastery over emotional expression not only enhances personal relationships but also contributes positively to team dynamics in professional settings. Ultimately, by integrating self-awareness with effective communication strategies, emotionally stable people enhance both their well-being and that of those around them.

Associated Concepts

• Neuroticism: This is one of the five major personality traits in the theory of the Five Factor Model. Individuals who score low on neuroticism tend to be more emotionally stable and less reactive to stress.
• Emotion Regulation: This refers to the processes by which individuals influence which emotions they have, when they have them, and how they experience and express these emotions. Good emotion regulation is associated with greater emotional stability.
• Resilience: This is the ability to bounce back from negative experiences with “competent functioning”; resilient individuals can effectively navigate around or through crises and are better able to maintain emotional stability.
• Classical Conditioning: Pavlov’s classical conditioning studies show that emotional responses can be learned and unlearned, which is relevant for understanding and developing emotional stability.
• Homeostasis: This concept refers to the body’s ability to maintain a stable internal environment despite external changes. It involves various physiological processes that regulate critical variables such as temperature and hydration levels to keep them within a narrow, optimal range, ensuring our well-being and survival.
• Mindfulness: This practice involves being fully present and engaged in the moment, aware of your thoughts and feelings without judgment, which can contribute to greater emotional stability.
• Positive Psychology: This field of psychology focuses on the strengths that enable individuals and communities to thrive, including traits and practices that foster emotional stability.

A Few Words by Psychology Fanatic

While there is no current measurement for emotional stability, the concept may help us achieve more balance in our emotional lives as we develop and practice practical emotional regulation skills. With work, emotions become a force motivating growth rather than a bothersome interfering enemy disrupting hopes and dreams.

In conclusion, emotional stability is not a destination but a continuous journey. It requires consistent practice, self-awareness, and the willingness to adapt and grow. By embracing the strategies discussed, such as mindfulness, cognitive restructuring, and building a supportive network, we can better navigate the ebbs and flows of our emotional world. Remember, it’s about balance, not perfection. As we strive for emotional stability, let’s be kind to ourselves and recognize that every step forward is a victory worth celebrating. May your path to emotional equilibrium be fulfilling and enlightening.

Last Update: January 18, 2026

References:

Kabat-Zinn, Jon (2013). Full Catastrophe Living (Revised Edition): Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain, and Illness. Bantam; Rev Updated edition. ISBN-10: 0345536932; APA Record: 2006-04192-000
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Siegel, Daniel J. (2012). Pocket Guide to Interpersonal Neurobiology: An Integrative Handbook of the Mind (Norton Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology). W. W. Norton & Company. ISBN-10: 039370713X; APA Record: 2012-04054-000
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Teper, Rimma; Segal, Zindel; Inzlicht, Michael (2013). Inside the Mindful Mind. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 22(6), 449-454. DOI: 10.1177/0963721413495869
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