Unmasking the Justifications: Excuses for Relapse

A sad cycle in the drug abuse culture keeps victims trapped in a loop of recovery and relapse. We know it well. Many of us have been stuck in this cycle for years or even decades. Many people with a substance abuse problem die “with the beautiful song” of life never expressed, never sung, marching endlessly to the heart-breaking ride on the merry-go-round of someday I will escape. ​Plenty try to quit but as self-determined resources run dry, all they need is an excuse, any old excuse will do. Excuses for relapse are always available because life is difficult.

The ill-fated beginning of addiction doesn’t matter once you are on the ride. People willingly and unwillingly become addicted to intoxicating substances. The choice isn’t to be an addiction but simple to use a forbidden substance; some to escape pain, other to express opposition to society, or many for the plain enjoyment to be a part of the carefree, party-loving crowd. But once the choice is made, like a freaking vacuum, we get sucked into a life on the fringes of society.

The “Hotel California” where all are invited, but none permitted to leave. We sacrificed life and join the entrapping cycle of addiction: Using, euphoria and (or) escape, talking about recovery, “Clean Time”, discomfort (emotions, challenges, failure), and relapse (back to the beginning).

Thoughts of Recovery

In hard-core drug circles, outmatched hapless discuss recovery—a popular topic. Recovery is a dim light of hope shining at the far end of a foreboding tunnel. Perhaps, the dream of sobriety creates a small division between the person with addiction’s current failings and a healthy sense of self, infusing energy to the wobbling self-image.

​Most people with substance abuse problems see themselves different; not like the “righteous dope fiends.” A small justifying narrative to sooth the fear. These excuses for relapse powerfully contribute to the continuing dependence and bondage to the unforgiving cycle. Addiction is a self-supporting force that keeps victims stuck in sameness. The sphere of addiction spins fast, dragging those in recovery back to behaviors and escapes that offer only broken futures. However, recovery is possible.

Detox is Not Recovery

Detox is painful—physically and emotionally. We are programmed to avoid these painful episodes. Making a choice to feel the muscles aches, the haunting hallucinations, the chills and vomiting isn’t a simple choice. These choices demand iron willpower—something, by-the-way, that takes a beating from the neuronal changes in the addicted brain. Who willingly chooses to suffer? So, the dreadful first step is postponed—until tomorrow.

Making the actual choice to enter a detox center, or “just quit” almost always falls victim to “tomorrowism.” Tomorrow I’ll go to the Sheriff’s office and handle that warrant, tomorrow I will contact the detox program, tomorrow I’ll quit. I can’t today because…. any old excuse will do.

“Clean time” often is initiated by forced detox—jail time, hospitalization. However, success can come from these forced beginnings. This is okay. Any force can initiate change, giving traction to longer sustained efforts. Take advantage of these seemingly unfortunate events. Many new lives are born from unfortunate beginnings.

Externalizing

T. Franklin Murphy wrote, “The struggle between doing something we know is good and something that provides momentary pleasure is difficult enough; but the struggle is much deeper. Each choice, once made, is bathed in meaning. We feel guilty for failures. We label ourselves weak or strong. The choice becomes part of our self-definition, spring boarding self-esteem, and motivating other successful or destructive actions” (Murphy, 2018).

The practice of externalizing is a common defense mechanism. It soothes the ego of the guilt of failure. Dorothy Hochreich explains that a person who possesses an external orientation projects blame “for personal inadequacies and failures onto bad luck or the malevolent influences of other people.” She continues, “by using blame projection…the external person thereby avoids taking personal responsibility or actual or anticipated failures” (Hochreich, 1975).

In interviews of perpetrators of serious crimes, researchers Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson discovered that most of the perpetrators reported, at least in retrospect, that what they did was reasonable; their actions might have been regrettable, but they were understandable, given the circumstances. In addition, the perpetrators that regretted their behavior but minimized it. They greatly maximized any external or mitigating circumstances while minimizing their role in the event (Tavris & Aronson, 2015).

As George Vaillant explains, their “distortion grossly reshapes external reality to suit inner needs” (Vaillant, 1998).

Excuses are Easy to Find

When it’s time to choose a different path, any old excuse will do. My girlfriend needs me; others don’t care, I need to clean my car. The staff was rude. The problem is we can always find something else to do, something to complain about, or something that interferes with well-meaning plans, forever keeping change a day or week away. Dangling in nowhere land, we boost our self-image with an excuse but never take the beginning steps to change. There’s never a shortage of reasons for putting something off for a later day.

Dr. Wayne W. Dyer puts in plainly:

“The only thing an excuse gives you is an option out of the life that you’d like to live” (Dyer, 2009).

But the dagger that plunges into our resolve to change is an unconscious mechanism, interfering with our desired futures. An ego protective habit is to organize escape plans, excusing relapses. The blame game softens the impact to our ego when we fail. However, planning to fail almost always ensures it occurrence.

Programs and intense monitoring are distasteful because they force compliance. We prefer the self-administered plan—the ones discussed repeatedly during conversations with friends stuck in the same dreadful cycle: “I’m going to start methadone but continue to chip until they increase the dosage.” “I’m going to cop ‘bupe’ on the street while I get clean.” We create fanciful plans, ignore the science of recovery, and kindly leave the door wide open for relapse, giving us freedom to escape as soon as we face a challenge. And then to soften the impact of failure, we reach for any of the plentiful excuses available to blame for our relapse.

This path doesn’t work.

Recovery and Commitment

Effective recovery is an extended commitment to work through several stages of adjustments. A successful move from the dark cycle of addiction requires a completely different sequence of action, moving from hopeful talk, to proven action, then to detox, followed by assistance to attain psychological stability and healthy social connections, eventually leading to a well-adjusted life of resilience and continued growth. Our self devised plans gloss over the difficulties of re-integrating into life, especially back into societies that typically are more suspicious of our recovery than welcoming.

Life is a formidable foe. Jumping right back into the fray after missing years or even decades of development isn’t simple. When sober, we may remember why we ran, forced to confront old emotions, unresolved traumas, and fearful survival demands. We never resolved the complexity of living sober. And within the complexity of living we find countless excuses for relapse.

Dyer preaches to “decide that any and all unhappiness that you choose will never be the result of someone else, but rather that it will be the result of you and your own behavior. Remind yourself constantly that any externally caused unhappiness reinforces your own slavery, since it assumes that you have no control over yourself or them, but they have control over you” (Dyer, 2009, p. 171). This kind of commitment and personal responsibility become the foundation of sustainable life changes.

Life Sets the Stage for Relapse

These encounters with life set the stage for relapse. Here, in the panic of real life problems, excuses for relapse are every where, just pick one. When your NA chapter rejects your clean time because you chose the methadone maintenance path, or a manager’s bias is expressed through unfairness, or you are arrested for an old warrant, lingering from your previous chaotic life, or whatever, the setback becomes a sufficient excuse, and you begin to chip (just to cope) or dive back into full blown relapse.

I spoke with a kid in obvious distress, wailing in pain, sitting on a bus bench, hopeless, distraught and high. “I’m a failure.” He continued, “I wasted a year of clean time.” With encouragement and compassion, we spoke at length and I took him home. We never lose a year of clean time. During a year of sobriety we develop skills and feel experience that we can’t experience during addiction.

​Many things can happen during a year that contribute to well-being and long-term sobriety. We regain balance, build healthy connections, and adopt new coping skills. We can define a relapse as a disastrous failure, using the relapse as an excuse; or a temporary setback that provides a wealth of pertinent information to assist us on our continuing journey of recovery.

Associated Concepts

• Self-Deception: This refers to the process where individuals convince themselves of a truth (or lack thereof) to avoid acknowledging uncomfortable realities. This involves distorting or ignoring evidence that conflicts with their beliefs or desires.
• Blame: This practice involves attributing one’s own undesirable thoughts, feelings, or behaviors to someone else. This deflection helps the individual avoid confronting their own shortcomings or guilt by shifting responsibility onto others.
• Externalization: this concept refers to the process of attributing one’s own internal thoughts, feelings, or impulses to the external world, particularly onto other people. This defense mechanism helps individuals avoid confronting their own undesirable traits by perceiving them as existing outside themselves.
• Stages of Change: The stages of change, also known as the transtheoretical model, describe a series of stages that individuals may go through when making a significant behavior change.
• Boredom and Relapse: Boredom motivates action to relieve this discomfort. For the individual struggling with addiction, the impulse is to relapse. A helpful tool in the fight against addiction is active involvement in a variety of activities to prevent boredom and guard against relapse.
• High-Risk Situations: Situation such as negative emotional states, old social circles, and seemingly insignificant choices can trigger relapse. Understanding and preparing for these situations is essential for long-term recovery. Effective addiction treatment addresses relapse prevention strategies.
• Mindset Model of Action Phases: also known as the Rubicon Model, is a psychological framework that elucidates the process of human action and decision-making. It consists of predecisional, postdecisional, actional, and postactional phases, emphasizing goal-setting, planning, self-regulation, persistence, and reflection for successful goal attainment.

A Few Words by Psychology Fanatic

Awareness of excuses for relapse invites a more informed and proactive approach to recovery. Understanding the psychological mechanisms behind these justifications can empower individuals to confront their challenges head-on rather than retreating into familiar patterns of avoidance. By recognizing that excuses often stem from deeper emotional struggles, such as fear or self-doubt, we can begin to dismantle the barriers that prevent us from achieving lasting sobriety. This awareness encourages not only personal responsibility but also fosters resilience in the face of adversity. As we educate ourselves about addiction and its complexities, we become better equipped to navigate our paths toward recovery.

Moreover, embracing this journey allows us to transform our dreamy hopes of sobriety into tangible realities. The beauty of a sober life lies in its freedom—freedom from the cycles of addiction that have kept so many trapped in despair. Each step taken towards recovery is a testament to our strength and commitment to change. Through support systems, therapy, and continuous self-reflection, we can cultivate healthier habits and build fulfilling lives filled with purpose and joy. Ultimately, by actively choosing accountability over excuses, we unlock new possibilities for growth and healing on our path to recovery.

Last Update: December 26, 2025

References:

Dyer, Wayne W. (2009). Excuses Begone!: How to Change Lifelong, Self-Defeating Thinking Habits. Hay House Inc. ISBN: 9781401922948
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Hochreich, Dorothy J. (1975). Defensive externality and blame projection following failure. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 32(3), 540-546. DOI: 10.1037/h0077102
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Murphy, T. Franklin (2018). Commitment to Change. Psychology Fanatic. Published: 12-1-2018; Accessed: 9-5-2024. Website: https://psychologyfanatic.com/commitment-to-change/
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Tavris, Carol; Aronson, Elliot (2015). Mistakes Were Made (but Not by Me): Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions, and Hurtful Acts. Mariner Books; Revised, New edition edition. ISBN-10: 0547416032 APA Record: 2007-07067-000
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Vaillant, George E. (1998) Adaptation to Life. Harvard University Press; Reprint edition. ISBN: 9780674004146
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