The Psychology of Humility
Humility is a fundamental aspect of human psychology that encompasses a range of positive traits and behaviors. In the field of psychology, humility is defined as the ability to recognize one’s own limitations, to be open to new ideas and experiences, and to have a balanced and realistic sense of one’s own importance. This article aims to explore the psychological underpinnings of humility, its impact on individual well-being, relationships, and society, as well as strategies for cultivating humility in everyday life.
Key Definition:
Humility is the quality of being humble and modest. It involves having a low view of one’s own importance and abilities while showing respect for others. Humility is often associated with being unpretentious, open to feedback, and willing to learn from others. It is considered a virtue in many cultures and religions, promoting harmony, understanding, and cooperation.
Understanding Humility
The concept of humility and its implications for human behavior and relationships have long intrigued social psychologists. Research suggests that humility involves an accurate self-view, the ability to acknowledge one’s mistakes and limitations, and an openness to learning from others. It is not about self-deprecation or low self-esteem, but rather a balanced and realistic assessment of oneself in relation to others and the world.
Receiving advice creates a predicament, requiring both courage and humility. Advice, especially when unsolicited, suggests lack. The mere mention we may suffer insufficiency stokes the embers of shame and burns in our chests; “How dare they suggest I’m weak and stupid!” Our defensiveness interferes with opportunities to widen our vision. Openness requires letting go of our ego’s grasp on “infinite knowledge,” and listening with intent to understand.
We find comfort in believing we possess “infinite knowledge.” Ordinary conversations expose these beliefs. We cut off a coworker’s retort, emphasizing “we know” before they complete their thought; our feelings spike when contradicted; we ferociously defend a failed plan. With a little exploration, we see the remnants of insecurity thinly covered with defensiveness of infallibility. We try to display our immense knowledge; but in so doing, we show shakiness in our confidence.
Defensiveness, Security, and Humility
The belief goes: “if I know everything than I can survive.” By listening and evaluating advice, the openness to error implies lack and vulnerability. Our brains are magnificent. We know a lot; but boundless knowledge remains unknown in the vast eternities of the universe. There will always be more to learn. We don’t even know what we do not know. Consequently, our lack of knowledge limits growth. Our breadth of experience is limited—and always will be.
Learning from experience is essential. We absorb life. Moments impact our souls. Experience isn’t a simple flow of knowledge from the world into our minds, but something consumed by our entire being. Life can hurt, damage and destroy. Experience leaves deep marks in the neural connections of our brains.
When experience cuts deep, it creates vastly new interpretations of life, igniting unneeded fear, anger and guilt that live inside tainting perceptions with emotions from the past. Advice from someone less invested, often is less tainted by aspirations, giving a perspective that we may be missing. When life hurts beyond our capacity to process, we defend. Sometimes we defend ferociously, blocking out reality through a host of immature defenses.
Humility Isn’t Blindly Following
A humble person weighs advice from a variety of people of varying experience with different expertise. We soak in the knowledge, making judgements slowly, considering both long and short-term consequences. Humility doesn’t cling to inflexible dogmatic rules, nor does humility demand self-contained omniscience, but humility invites change and is open to correction.
We can’t blindly follow. Some advice is an underhanded gut shot, a passive-aggressive shout to undermine our confidence that inhibits healthy growth. We must recognize those demeaning statements, although dressed in helpfulness, they are laced with arsenic, designed to hurt while protecting the ego of the deliverer from their own sense of lack.
The Benefits of Humility
Humility is essential for learning because it allows individuals to approach new information with an open mind. When one is humble, they are receptive to feedback, willing to acknowledge their own limitations, and open to considering alternative perspectives. This mindset facilitates learning and growth, as it enables individuals to set aside their ego and embrace new knowledge and skills. Additionally, humility encourages continuous improvement and a willingness to learn from mistakes, leading to a more effective learning process.
In addition to learning, numerous studies have highlighted the positive impact of humility on various aspects of life. Individuals who exhibit humility tend to experience lower levels of stress, greater emotional well-being, and healthier interpersonal relationships. Research associates humility with higher levels of forgiveness, empathy, and compassion towards others. In the workplace, humble leaders are often more effective, and teams function more cohesively.
Cultivating Humility
While some individuals may naturally possess a humble disposition, others can nurture and develop humility. Practices such as mindfulness, self-reflection, and seeking feedback from others can aid in cultivating humility. Embracing a growth mindset, acknowledging one’s own fallibility, and recognizing the contributions of others are essential components of fostering humility.
Developing humility involves a continuous process of introspection and a willingness to learn from both successes and failures. Embracing humility enables individuals to approach situations with openness, empathy, and a genuine willingness to understand and connect with others. The cultivation of humility extends beyond personal growth, contributing to the creation of more inclusive and collaborative environments.
Humility is Not Self Condemnation
Humility is not a form of self-condemnation. In humility, we are opening the mind to learn by accepting the reality of our limitations. Self-condemnation is an act of berating our limitations, labeling ourselves as flawed. Rollo May, an influential American existential psychologist and author, explains that self-condemnation is a false substitute for honest humility. He wrote “the self-condemning substitute for self-worth provides the individual with a method of avoiding an open and honest confronting of his problems of isolation and worthlessness, and makes for a pseudo-humility rather than the honest humility of one who seeks to face his situation realistically and do what he can constructively.”
May continues, “furthermore, the self‐ condemning substitute provides the individual with a rationalization for his self-hate, and thus reinforces the tendencies toward hating himself. And, inasmuch as one’s attitudes toward other selves generally parallel one’s attitude toward one’s self, one’s covert tendency to hate others is also rationalized and reinforced” (May, 2009).
Self-condemnation, rather than express acceptance of limitation, is an expression of hate and despise for the limitations.
Humility and Self Awareness
T. Franklin Murphy wrote, “we display strength and conceal weakness, fooling ourselves with a protective shell of independence, while ignoring our need for external sources” (2017). Humility allows us to move past the protective self-deceptions. William Damon, a professor of education at Stanford University, explains that we must “always be aware that we may be inadvertently going about things the wrong way.” he explains that “such awareness is commonly called ‘humility.’ He then concludes that “being willing and able to self-correct provides essential insurance against creating accidental harm. Severe damage is caused by people who heedlessly barrel ahead after they have been given warning that they are on a destructive course” (2003, location 511).
Karen Horney suggests that compulsive humility is a symptom of neurosis. She explains that “without being aware of it, (the) neurosis” makes a person “egocentric and bent on (their) own advantage—all of which (is) covered up by a layer of compulsive humility and goodness” (Horney, 1991). Horney’s compulsive humility is not an honest humility but a protective layer to shield against openness. Basically, the neurosis prevents open honest learning, the person feigns humility so they do not have to confront what they do and do not know in reality.
Humility in Society
On a broader societal level, humility can contribute to greater understanding, cooperation, and harmony by fostering a culture of empathy and inclusivity. When individuals approach interactions with humility, they are more open to recognizing and respecting the perspectives of others, leading to more constructive dialogue and the potential to bridge social divides. Humility also plays a crucial role in leadership, as it encourages a collaborative approach to problem-solving and decision-making, thereby creating an environment where groups may hear and value diverse voices. This, in turn, can lead to the cultivation of teams and communities that are more resilient, adaptable, and effective in addressing challenges and pursuing common goals.
A Few Words by Psychology Fanatic
I am astonished by the stubbornness of thought, unconscious biases and deceptions that interfere with our understanding. Yet, on occasion, we humility graces us with clarity and growth. With openness we may witnessing the presence of conflicting values and motives that decorate our human condition—humility and boldness, connection and individuality, sadness and joy, fear and courage. We feel the fragility of our existence while simultaneously feeling empowered. All these wondrous moments, only available in humble self-awareness, create awe.
Humility is a multifaceted psychological construct that holds significant implications for individual well-being, relationships, and society as a whole. By embracing humility, individuals can experience personal growth, open their minds to greater experiences of awe, enhance their relational dynamics, and contribute to a more harmonious and interconnected world.
Awareness of the inevitable involvement of the ego assists with sorting through our insecurities, acknowledging our limitations and carefully listening to others for insights we may have missed. With humility and willingness, we make fair evaluations of the value of advice without automatic discrediting to protect our sensitive souls. By understanding the psychology of humility and actively incorporating its principles into daily life, individuals can not only enrich their own experiences but also positively influence the world around them.
Last Update: February 24, 2024
References:
Damon, William (2003). Noble Purpose: The Joy of Living a Meaningful Life. Templeton Foundation Print.
Horney, Karen (1950/1991). Neurosis and Human Growth: The struggle toward self-realization. W. W. Norton & Company; 2nd edition.
May, Rollo (1953/2009). Man’s Search for Himself. W. W. Norton & Company; Reprint edition.
Murphy, T. Franklin (2017), Flawed, Rotten Imperfect. Psychology Fanatic. Published 4-24-2017. Accessed 4-24-2023.
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