The Power of Self Esteem in Shaping Your Life

Silently in the unseen corners of our mind rages an auction where bids of value ring from the empty walls. Most of these bids are voices from our childhood. However, some come from recent memories. We integrate the bids and experience a sense of personal value. While the events of our lives influence this value, mostly our sense of worth is derived from the narratives we use surrounding the experience. In psychology, we call this sense of value self-esteem.

Self-esteem is the grand narrative that shapes the contours of our lives. It is the silent whisper that speaks volumes about our worth, the invisible hand that guides our actions, and the lens through which we view our place in the world.

Self-esteem, that delicate balance between self-worth and humility, is the foundation upon which we build our dreams and confront our fears. It is the inner voice that tells us we are capable, worthy, and deserving of respect. As we navigate the complex waters of identity and self-discovery, self-esteem acts as both compass and anchor, steering us toward our true potential while keeping us grounded in the reality of our inherent value.

Join us on this introspective journey as we delve into the heart of self-esteem, exploring its psychological underpinnings, its profound impact on our daily lives, and the transformative power it holds to reshape our destiny. Let us embark on a quest to understand the essence of self-esteem, for it is within this understanding that we find the key to unlocking our fullest selves.

What is Self-Esteem?

Self-Esteem is our subjective evaluation of worth, comprised of either thoughts about ourselves (“I am worthy” or “I perform well”) or emotional states, such as pride, shame, or confidence. Nathaniel Branden defines self esteem as a fundamental human need. He defines it that when “fully realized, is the experience that we are appropriate to life and to the requirements of life” (Branden, 2012).

Abraham Maslow considers self-esteem as the fourth level on his hierarchy of needs pyramid. He wrote that fourth level is the, “desire for self-esteem, self-respect, self-confidence, for the feeling of strength or adequacy” (Maslow, 2013).

Branden specifically defines self-esteem as:

1. Confidence in our ability to think, confidence in our ability to cope with the basic challenges of life; and
2. Confidence in our right to be successful and happy, the feeling of being worthy, deserving, entitled to assert our needs and wants, achieve our values, and enjoy the fruits of our efforts (Branden, 2012).

Possessing high self-esteem is a precious psychological resource, correlating with achievement, good relationships, and satisfaction. Possessing low self-regard often correlates with depression, failure to achieve goals, and willingness to remain in abusive relationships and harmful environments.

We often use the word self-esteem interchangeably with ​self-worth, self-regard, and self-respect.

Self Esteem Refers to Sense of Self Over Time

Psychologists regard self-esteem as an enduring personality trait. However, short variations in levels of self-esteem are common. Mostly we have a consistent sense, only with slight variations. Brené Brown explains that, “Our self-esteem is based on how we see ourselves—our strengths and limitations—over time. It is how and what we think of ourselves” (Brown, 2007).

We can measure the strength of our self-esteem by a variety of factors:

• Self-confidence
• Sense of security
• Personal narratives
• Beliefs of personal autonomy
• Sense of belonging and acceptance

Happiness and Self-Esteem

Branden suggests that to trust “one’s mind and to know that one is worthy of happiness is the essence of self-esteem” (Branden, 2012). A positive sense of self sees the self as worthy of happiness, not just momentary pleasures but experiencing the inner joys of being alive. Plato refers to this as eudaimonia. Accordingly, we have the right to be happy and we can hold this at the center of our being. Sadly, many forfeit this right. Accordingly, many engage in constant self-berating, beating down a positive sense of self.

Basically, our sense of self is an essential element for health and wellbeing. Self-esteem plays a pivotal role in influencing happiness and overall well-being. It acts as an internal barometer for how much individuals value themselves and their capabilities. Here’s how self-esteem can impact happiness:

• Positive Self-View: Individuals with high self-esteem generally have a positive view of themselves, which contributes to greater life satisfaction and happiness.
• Resilience: High self-esteem can help people develop better coping skills to handle adversity, allowing them to maintain a positive outlook even in difficult times.
• Motivation: A healthy level of self-esteem can inspire individuals to pursue their goals and take on new challenges, leading to fulfilling achievements that boost happiness.
• Relationships: Self-esteem affects the quality of one’s relationships. People with high self-esteem tend to have healthier relationships, which are a significant factor in overall happiness.
• Emotional Regulation: High self-esteem allows individuals to put negative experiences into perspective without undue focus, blame, or self-doubt, leading to better emotional health.

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In essence, self-esteem is a key ingredient in the recipe for happiness. It provides the confidence and self-assurance necessary to enjoy life’s experiences, pursue personal growth, and build meaningful connections with others.

Self-Esteem as a Measure

Martin E. P. Seligman, a renowned psychologist and clinical researcher, has been studying optimists and pessimists for 25 years, warns of the dangers of building self confidence on false pretenses. He argues that self-esteem is a measure of how we are doing in the world.

Seligman wrote in his influential book Learned Optimism:

“Self-esteem is just a meter that reads out the state of a system. It is not an end in itself. When you are doing well in school or work, when you are doing well with the people you love, when you are doing well in play the meter will register high. When you are doing badly it will register low. Self-esteem seems only to be a symptom, a correlate, of how well a person is doing in the real world.”

Seligman continues:

“If unwarranted self-esteem is taught to children, problems will ensue. When these children confront the real world, and it tells them they are not as great as they had been taught, they will lash out with violence. So it is possible that the twin epidemics among young people in the United States today, depression and violence, both come from this misbegotten concern: valuing how our young people feel about themselves more highly than how we value how well they are doing in the world” (Seligman, 2011).

Daniel Goleman in his book Emotional Intelligence shares some of Seligman’s concerns about this element in the positivity movement. He suggests we fight it through self-awareness explaining:

“Self-awareness also takes the form of recognizing your strengths and weaknesses, and seeing yourself in a positive but realistic light (and so avoiding a common pitfall of the self-esteem movement)” (Goleman, 2012).

Protecting a Positive Self-Concept

In the same lines as Seligman and Goleman, Caroll Tavris and Elliot Aronson theorize thought protecting self-esteem is an unconscious motivation that leads to self-deception. They explain “because most people have a reasonably positive self-concept, believing themselves to be competent, moral, and smart, their efforts at reducing dissonance will be designed to preserve their positive self-images.”

Often the reality of our life is that we are not as smart, funny, or competent as we believe. The consequences of our lives expose these mismatches, creating cognitive dissonance. So feeding ourselves a bunch of puffed up statements to lift self-esteem, without addressing some of our underlying issues, may create greater dissonance.

Tavris and Aronson wrote:

“Dissonance reduction operates like a thermostat, keeping our self-esteem bubbling along on high. That is why we are usually oblivious to the self-justifications, the little lies to ourselves that prevent us from even acknowledging that we made mistakes or foolish decisions. But dissonance theory applies to people with low self-esteem, too, to people who consider themselves to be schnooks, crooks, or incompetents. They are not surprised when their behavior confirms their negative self-image” (Tavris & Aronson, 2020).

Our Sense of Self is a By-Product of How We Live

Basically, in happiness and wellbeing terms, self-esteem is important, but should not be the end goal. Ultimately, we should develop a positive sense of self from living and accomplishing, doing the best we can. Self-esteem then becomes a by-product of our constructive action. For many, this is a natural flow from behavior to sense of self. However, our complex mind can interfere with this process.

Through a self organizing process (De Ruiter et al., 2017). Self esteem emerges as we engage in a variety of activities. Particularly important, are activities expressing self mastery in some domain, healthy relationships, and normal age development.

Just as we can disrupt the normal building of self-esteem from unwarranted entertaining of positive characteristics, we also can harshly judge, battering an appropriate sense of self compared to our achievements. This brings us back to Goleman’s statement that we must recognize our “strengths and weaknesses,” seeing our self “in a positive but realistic light.” We will never have a perfect assessment of ourselves. How we are doing, depends on which measurements we use to assess.

Our goal, then, is balance. We want self assessments to be honest enough to provide a framework for self-improvement but not so harsh that we cower in helpless depression. Accordingly, healthy self-esteem may build from this balanced interaction with the world. We have confidence in our ability to think and overcome because we have repeatedly faced challenges and succeeded.

Practices to Boost Self-Esteem

Improving self-esteem is a personal journey that involves changing how you perceive and value yourself. Here are some strategies that can help:

• Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding rather than harsh judgment.
• Set Realistic Goals: Create attainable objectives and celebrate small victories to build confidence.
• Positive Self-Talk: Replace negative thoughts with positive affirmations and focus on your strengths.
• Healthy Lifestyle: Engage in regular exercise, maintain a balanced diet, and ensure adequate sleep to improve your overall well-being.
• Surround Yourself with Support: Connect with friends and family who encourage and uplift you.
• Seek Professional Help: Consider talking therapy to work through underlying issues that may affect your self-esteem.
• Mindfulness: Be aware of your thoughts and feelings without becoming overly attached to them.
• Avoid Comparisons: Focus on your own growth rather than comparing yourself to others.

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Remember, building self-esteem takes time and self-reflection, but by taking these steps, you can start to see yourself in a more positive light.

Associated Concepts

• Self-Concept: This is the overall image that people have of themselves, which includes self-esteem as one of its components. Self-concept is influenced by how individuals perceive their behaviors, abilities, and unique characteristics.
• Rogers’ Theory of Self: Carl Rogers, a humanist psychologist, proposed that self-concept consists of three components: self-image, self-esteem, and the ideal self. Self-esteem, in this context, relates to how much individuals like and value themselves.
• Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs: Abraham Maslow’s theory suggests that esteem is one of the basic human motivations. According to Maslow, individuals need both appreciation from others and inner self-respect to build self-esteem.
• Narrative Identity: This concept involves constructing a coherent life story that integrates past experiences with present and future aspirations. A coherent narrative identity helps individuals make sense of their lives and maintain psychological well-being.
• Social Comparison Theory: This theory posits that individuals determine their own social and personal worth based on how they stack up against others. This can significantly affect self-esteem.
• Cognitive Dissonance Theory: This theory can relate to self-esteem when there is a conflict between self-perception and behavior, leading to feelings of discomfort that can impact one’s self-esteem.
• Self-Worth Theory: Self-worth theory defines self worth as a broader and more stable belief about one’s inherent value as a person than self-esteem. It is less contingent on external factors and more about the core beliefs one holds about their worthiness and lovability, regardless of achievements or failures.

A Few Words by Psychology Fanatic

In the complex world of self-perception and personal narrative, self-esteem emerges as a pivotal character. Self-esteem directs the story of our lives. It is the quiet undertone in the symphony of our daily interactions, the unseen force that propels us forward or holds us back. As we conclude this in-depth exploration of self-esteem, we recognize its profound influence on our journey towards self-discovery and fulfillment.

Self-esteem is not merely a psychological concept to be examined; it is a living, breathing aspect of our being that weaves through the fabric of our existence. It shapes our actions, molds our relationships, and colors our worldviews. With every challenge we overcome and every affirmation we embrace, we fortify the foundations of our self-worth.

We must repeatedly renew our commitment to nurturing self-esteem by cultivating an environment where positive self-regard can flourish. May we strive to be kind to ourselves, to recognize our inherent worth, and to build a life that reflects the respect we deserve. For in the grand tapestry of human experience, a strong sense of self-esteem is the thread that holds together the narrative of who we are and all that we can become.

Last Update: January 30, 2026

References:

Branden, Nathaniel (1995) The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem: The Definitive Work on Self-Esteem by the Leading Pioneer in the Field. Bantam; Reprint edition​. ISBN-10: 0553374397
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Brown, Brené (2007). I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t): Making the Journey from “What Will People Think?” to “I Am Enough.” ‎ Avery; 1st edition. ISBN-10: ‎1592403352
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De Ruiter, N., Van Geert, P., & Kunnen, E. (2017). Explaining the “How” of Self-Esteem Development: The Self-Organizing Self-Esteem Model. Review of General Psychology, 21(1), 49-68. DOI: 10.1037/gpr0000099
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Goleman, Daniel (2012). Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ. Bantam Books. ISBN-10: 055338371X
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Maslow, Abraham H. (1943). A Theory of Human Motivation. Simon & Schuster. ISBN: 9781627933964; DOI: 10.1037/h0054346(Return to Main Text)

Seligman, Martin E. P. (2011). Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life. Vintage. ISBN-13: 978-1400078394
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Tavris, Carol; Aronson, Elliot (2015). Mistakes Were Made (but Not by Me): Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions, and Hurtful Acts. Mariner Books; Revised, New edition edition. ISBN-10: 0547416032 APA Record: 2007-07067-000
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