Life’s Not Fair: Navigating the Unfairness of Life

The world does not graciously bow to our expectations. Sometimes we are unfairly treated, good actions go unnoticed, or bad behavior rewarded. While life’s not fair. We must continue forward

Sometimes we seemingly do all the right things but lose anyway. We cautiously enter a new relationship but get still hurt. Our choices must intermingle with the choices of millions of others—also exercising their freedom. In the complex game of life, many of the rewards we believe we deserve will not materialize. In disappointment, we receive the unfairness with bitterness. But interferences and stumblings are part of life. We can move forward with hope and faith; the game is not over.

What is Fairness?

Often, tainted views of fairness often taints our perception of unfairness. If we believe fairness is exact equality, then certainly the world will appear unfair. There will never be complete equality. We live in an unpredictable world of complex causes, to eliminate all variance would require destroying individual freedoms; but even then, mother nature in her unpredictable rage would still intervene and impact the lives of some and not others.

Life is inherently unfair; but some aspects of experience life equally distributes. We all live and we all will die. We all have some measure of choice. And we all can discover joys and sorrows in the moment.

Oliver Emberton wrote in his blog about fairness:

“The truth is, life is just playing by different rules. The real rules are there. They actually make sense. But they’re a bit more complicated, and a lot less comfortable, which is why most people never manage to learn them” (Emberton, 2014).

Some of the rules of life our universal. Natural laws of consequences. These our structurally fair. Other aspects of life are not fair. Genetics, illness, society, and childhood environments. Many of these happenstances of life may follow natural laws but laws far beyond our control. In these cases unfairness exists for individuals and groups of individuals.

Resilience Against Unfairness

Confronting life’s inherent unfairness begins with acceptance, a cornerstone of navigating its uneven terrain. Acknowledging that life is not inherently just, and that randomness often dictates outcomes, allows us to release the futile struggle against this fundamental truth. This acceptance is not passive resignation, but rather a realistic foundation from which to build resilience.

By relinquishing the expectation of a perfectly equitable world, we free ourselves from constant disappointment and anger when faced with inevitable inequalities and setbacks. This shift in perspective allows us to conserve energy, directing it instead towards what we can control: our responses and actions within an inherently unpredictable world.

Unfairness arouses emotions, provoking anger, sorrow, and feelings of hopelessness. These emotions can motivate productive action or justify self-pity and helplessness.

Leo F. Buscaglia, a professor in the Department of Special Education at the University of Southern California, wrote:

“Fully functioning persons accept emotional pain as an inevitable reality of life. In fact, they take it as an indispensable stimulus for change. They understand that pain need not only mean discomfort but can also be utilized as a positive force for growth in humanness” (Buscaglia, 1986).

Employing Healthy Practices

We must build upon acceptance with practices like mindfulness and self-care become crucial tools for navigating unfairness with greater well-being. Mindfulness empowers us to observe our emotional reactions to unfair situations without judgment, fostering a sense of detachment that prevents us from being overwhelmed by negativity. By being present with our experience, we can better process feelings of frustration, anger, or sadness that arise when life feels unjust. Simultaneously, prioritizing self-care is essential to cultivate inner resources and resilience.

Building resilience against life challenges encompasses a broad range of practices, from ensuring adequate physical rest and healthy nutrition, to engaging in activities that bring joy and relaxation, and fostering supportive relationships. When we are grounded in self-care, we are better equipped to weather the storms of life’s unfairness, maintaining our emotional and mental equilibrium amidst the inevitable challenges.

Responsibility to Balance Unfairness

While life is unfair, and never can be made completely even, we can work towards balancing some of the more salient causes of unfairness. We can work with governments to intervene where necessary to restore opportunity where society has taken away opportunity. We don’t choose the country, neighborhood or parents where we will begin life. Accordingly, we may suffer or are graced with a healthy or crumbling foundation from the beginning. To condemn large segments of society, citing personal choice as the only cause is ignorant, a hideous lie that protects some while discounting the needs of others.

Societies and Individual Roles in Mitigating Unfairness

While life’s inherent randomness gifts some with advantages from the outset, this in no way absolves individuals and societies from striving to create fairness of opportunity. Societies, as the collective structures we build, bear a fundamental responsibility to mitigate the arbitrary disadvantages life throws at individuals. This manifests in establishing robust public education systems that equip all with foundational skills, accessible healthcare ensuring basic well-being, and legal frameworks that prevent discrimination and guarantee equal treatment under the law.

By dismantling systemic barriers based on factors like socioeconomic background, race, gender, or origin, societies can create a foundation upon which individuals, despite life’s uneven starting line, have a more equitable chance to develop their potential and pursue their ambitions. This is not about erasing inherent disparities, but about ensuring the rules of the game are not rigged from the start.

However, the responsibility does not rest solely on societal structures; individuals too have a crucial role to play in fostering fairness of opportunity. Beyond simply benefiting from societal efforts, individuals must actively embody and promote equitable practices within their own spheres of influence. This includes challenging biases in personal interactions, advocating for fairer policies within their communities and workplaces, and mentoring or supporting those from disadvantaged backgrounds.

Moreover, individuals have a responsibility to utilize the opportunities afforded to them in a way that contributes to the greater good, recognizing that their own success is often built upon the foundation of societal structures and collective effort. By cultivating a culture of empathy, challenging prejudice, and actively participating in the dismantling of unfair systems, individuals become vital agents in the ongoing pursuit of a more just and equitable world, even amidst the inherent unfairness that life may present.

Associated Concepts

• Accepting Life: This refers to non-judgmental awareness and actively embracing thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations as they occur. Acceptance does not refer to resigning to life circumstances as they are in the present.
• The Four Noble Truths: These foundational teachings Buddhism consist of the truth of suffering, the truth of the cause of suffering, the truth of the end of suffering, and the truth of the path that leads to the end of suffering. These truths outline the nature of human existence, the origin of suffering, the possibility of cessation, and the path to the cessation of suffering.
• Stress Management: Techniques and strategies used to control, reduce, and cope with the negative effects of stress. It involves identifying stress triggers, implementing healthy coping mechanisms, and making lifestyle changes to enhance well-being.
• Stress and Coping Theory: A Theory, developed by Richard Lazarus and Susan Folkman, suggests that individuals experience stress when they perceive a discrepancy between the demands of a situation and their perceived ability to cope with those demands.
• Positive Psychology Interventions: These are strategies and activities designed to enhance well-being, increase happiness, and foster positive emotions, thoughts, and behaviors. These interventions are grounded in the principles of positive psychology.
• Self-Actualization: This is the process of realizing one’s potential and becoming the most that one can be, as proposed by Abraham Maslow.

A Few Words by Psychology Fanatic

When things don’t go our way by darkening our view, we magnify the problem. By concentrating on the unfairness, we lose strength, diving into helpless sorrows that narrow creative thought, and prevent novel and exalting responses. We can wallow in discouragement, slipping into depression; we may fight with destructive revenge; or to flourish, we can choose to constructively respond to the unfairness. We express freedom through responses. By accepting what happened, evaluating possible action, and then making a choice. With cautious action, we regain power to direct our lives and move to a more balanced position where we can effect change on a much larger scale.