Sustainable Happiness: Finding Joy Within Yourself

We’ve all been there – chasing the next fleeting high, whether it’s the latest gadget, the perfect vacation, or the approval of others. This relentless pursuit of external gratification often leaves us feeling empty and unsatisfied, a constant hamster wheel of desire and disappointment. But what if true happiness lies not in the acquisition of material possessions or the fleeting thrill of momentary pleasures, but rather in the depths of our human experience? This article delves into the profound truth that sustainable happiness stems from cultivating meaningful relationships, embarking on a journey of personal growth, and aligning our lives with our deepest values. We’ll explore how fostering genuine connections, embracing lifelong learning, and living authentically can unlock a deeper, more enduring sense of joy and fulfillment.

Forget the fleeting dopamine rush of social media likes or the temporary satisfaction of material possessions. True happiness is a profound and enduring state of well-being that arises from within. It’s about cultivating a rich inner life, nurturing meaningful connections with others, and living a life that aligns with your deepest values. This article will guide you on a journey of self-discovery, exploring how to cultivate sustainable happiness through mindful practices, cultivating gratitude, and embracing a life of purpose.

Key Definition:

Sustainable happiness refers to a long-lasting sense of well-being and contentment that is not dependent on external circumstances. It encompasses a deep fulfillment that comes from meaningful relationships, personal growth, contributing to the community, and living in harmony with the environment. In contrast, fleeting pleasures are temporary experiences of joy or satisfaction that are often short-lived and reliant on external stimuli.

Goals and Happiness

Goals serve as vital compasses, guiding our actions and providing a sense of purpose. They act as powerful motivators, pushing us beyond our perceived limitations and inspiring us to strive for greater heights. Whether it’s climbing a mountain, mastering a new skill, or building a successful career, setting and achieving goals provide a sense of accomplishment and contribute significantly to our overall well-being.

However, it’s crucial to recognize that goal achievement alone is not the ultimate destination for happiness. While the thrill of victory and the satisfaction of accomplishment are undeniably rewarding, they are often fleeting. The initial wave of joy that accompanies goal attainment tends to subside, leaving us with a sense of emptiness or a yearning for the next challenge. This cyclical pattern of goal setting, achievement, and subsequent dissatisfaction can create a sense of restlessness and hinder our ability to truly appreciate the present moment.

Ultimately, sustainable happiness lies beyond the constant pursuit of external goals. It’s about cultivating inner peace, nurturing meaningful relationships, and finding joy in the journey itself. It’s about embracing the present moment, appreciating the small victories, and finding contentment in the simple pleasures of life. While goals provide valuable direction and motivation, true happiness stems from a deeper understanding of ourselves and our place in the world, and a commitment to living a life of purpose and meaning.

Happiness in the Moment

We can experience a more sustainable happiness when we enjoy the movement of life through achievement, desire, and work. When we discover that true joy comes from living life—working, growing, changing—we can escape the perpetual cycle of disappoint over the life we currently have. The new car, the new job, the bigger house, the younger wife or more powerful husband will not satisfy. We can’t expect much happiness if we are constantly trudging through painful paths to achieve some fabulous future reward.

The intense emotional reaction to a reward quickly fades. Our biology dictates a flattening of emotion. We are motivated by a constant push towards homeostasis. Enjoying the beauty of equilibrium, the peace of living, provides more satisfaction than constantly charging for some extreme emotion we can never sustain. A final achievement is the crescendo, followed by a steady waning of the positive feelings. We become accustomed to the new height, no longer delighted by our gain, left to process the disrupting forces of faulty expectations from life. In psychology, we refer to this concept as habituation.

Perhaps J.K. Rowling was addressing this when she wrote, “It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.”

See Habituation for more on this topic

Sustainable Happiness Require Goals Based in Reality

I spent several years training clients at a local gym—my hobby job. I listened to many incredibly high goals: I want to run a marathon; I want to lose one hundred pounds; I want six-pack abs. These are laudable goals, achievable by most. But require intense and consistent work. I noticed the essential work to achieve the goal was not calculated into the dream. Attention was focused on the final attainment and the joys the svelte new body would bring, giddy in the thought of how grand life would be. We can ponder the joys of achieved dreams, escaping in anticipatory futures. None of us are immune to the excitement of dreams.

Last year, while flying to Las Vegas for a class, my mind wandered to the joys of winning a jackpot. My thoughts meandered and expanded; how would I spend the money, I could cut back on overtime, life would be great. The thoughts were quite pleasurable. After returning home, I continued to budget, maintained the extra hours, and moved forward towards my attainable dream of retirement.

If a passing positive feeling is what we seek—dream away, the mission is accomplished. But if we desire to achieve that dream, we must move into reality. If we want the joys of greater health through weight loss, we must jump on the treadmill and skip a few desserts. As far as my financial security, the jackpot is fanciful, chasing riches on a gaming table is futile, and reality (statistics promise) is I will lose much more than I will win. My goal of financial security was not misguided; just the plan to pursue security at a blackjack table was.

Sustainable happiness is found through achieving goals based on realistic behaviors in a real world.

Failure to See Future Obstacles

Usually in the early moments of contemplation, we fail to consider the difficulties that lie in the path ahead, consideration of obstacles might disrupt the pleasure of the plans and, perhaps, discourage attainment. These thoughts are not naturally pleasant; we often avoid them. We simply visualize the glorious dream and bask in the warmth—I will be rich; I will be thin. But our visualizations lack details, conveniently skipping essential requirements. We see the benefit without the costs. We don’t lose a hundred pounds without sweat—lots of it. Accordingly, we shed the fat with thousands of hours of work, and months of forgoing favorite foods.

When the difficulties are ignored, reality surprises expectations, neurons fire in unexpected displeasure. When the running shoes hit the treadmill, our lungs burn and muscles ache, the goal loses its sparkle. We easily abandon these goals when we don’t enjoy the path needed to accomplish them. We find sustainable happiness in the present and future. Perhaps, sustainable happiness is more similar to Aristotle’s eudaimonia than present moment pleasure.

Some goals are unrealistic, we desire what we can’t obtain. Burning precious energy, working towards dead-end dreams. A necessary step towards goal achievement is some skepticism, exposing the preposterous and recognizing potential, saving precious energy for something more practical. The world only has limited space for the Steve Jobs and Bill Gates. Goals played a role in their rise but also available resources, timing and a healthy dose of luck.

Persistence Through the Unknown

The crystal ball is blurry. We can’t see change from beginning to end. We must march forward, learning along the path. Unseen setbacks, misguided choices, and confrontations with personal limits can discourage and overwhelming. We must prepare to face these demons of change, facing them with persistent determination.

Sustaining happiness involves commitment to a lifelong process. Steven M. Southwick and Dennis Charney, recognized experts on the psychological and neurobiological effects of extreme psychological trauma, compares building resilience to face life challenges to sports.

They wrote:

“The qualities and habits cultivated in athletics – persistence, drive, concentration, dogged commitment, and willingness to tolerate some pain – stand one in good stead when training to increase resilience” (Southwick & Charney, 2018).

We only gain a complete knowledge of the path to successful goal attainment after we begin the work. Until then, our dreams just guess what it takes and what it will be like. With wisdom, and a few failures, I have learned to enjoy the process of change. The surprises are unsettling but spark more curiosity than disappointment. Living isn’t a smooth venture. I prefer to sail with swirling winds than no wind at all. The journey becomes the joy of living.

We never have perfect visions of the future—life is too unpredictable. But as we move closer in our predictions with experience, the more effective our planning. When our vision is askew, expecting ease, reality dampens the enjoyment of the process.

See Persistence for more on this topic

Meaning and Purpose and Sustainable Happiness

The role of meaning and purpose in creating sustainable happiness is significant. When individuals have a clear sense of meaning and purpose in their lives, they are more likely to experience deeper and longer-lasting fulfillment.

Fabian Chmielewski and colleagues found in their examination of research on meaning that:

“Finding meaning in everyday life has been shown to exert a positive influence on people’s mental health and well-being as well as on their physical health: Purpose in life reduces the risk of myocardial infarction among older adults with coronary heart disease and is associated with a substantially reduced risk of Alzheimer disease. Furthermore, meaningfulness is related to better mental health-to less psychopathology, and to general factors such as self-esteem and lower neuroticism” (Chmielewski et al., 2023).

Meaning provides a framework for understanding the world and our place in it, allowing us to derive satisfaction from our actions and experiences. It can stem from various sources such as relationships, work, personal growth, or contribution to a cause greater than oneself. Purpose, on the other hand, gives direction and drive to our pursuits, anchoring us during challenging times and keeping us motivated.

Moreover, individuals with a strong sense of meaning and purpose often exhibit greater resilience in the face of adversity, as they are anchored by a deeper understanding of their values and goals. This resilience contributes to sustainable happiness, allowing individuals to weather life’s ups and downs with greater equanimity.

Ultimately, meaning and purpose provide a sense of clarity and direction, fostering sustainable happiness by nurturing a deep-rooted sense of fulfillment and contentment.

See Meaning of Life for more on this topic

Autonomy and Happiness

Harry T. Reis, distinguished researcher of interpersonal processes and relationship science, and his colleagues posit that well-being depends on the satisfaction of two basic needs: competence and autonomy (Reis et al., 2000). Basically, we need the ability to make good choices in directing our lives.

Autonomy and self-efficacy play significant roles in contributing to happiness. Markedly, autonomy, or the ability to make independent choices and have control over one’s actions, is crucial for personal fulfillment. When individuals have the freedom to pursue their goals and make decisions aligned with their values, they often experience a sense of empowerment and satisfaction, which can contribute to their overall sense of happiness.

Similarly, self-efficacy, which refers to one’s belief in their competence to accomplish tasks and overcome challenges, is closely linked to happiness. When individuals possess a strong sense of self-efficacy, they are more likely to approach life with optimism and resilience. This positive mindset can lead to greater life satisfaction and a higher overall sense of well-being.

Ultimately, autonomy and self-efficacy empower individuals to lead more fulfilling lives, make meaningful contributions, and experience a greater sense of happiness and contentment.

See Self-Efficacy and Autonomy for more on these topics

Living According to Personal Values and Happiness

Living according to personal values is essential for fostering happiness and well-being. When individuals align their actions and decisions with their core beliefs and principles, they experience a sense of authenticity and fulfillment. This alignment creates a deep sense of purpose, as individuals feel that their lives are meaningful and in harmony with their true selves. By living according to personal values, people can also cultivate stronger relationships, as their authentic behavior fosters genuine connections with others who share similar values. Additionally, it can lead to reduced stress and inner conflict, as individuals are not constantly battling with choices that contradict their beliefs. Ultimately, living according to personal values contributes to a sense of inner peace, contentment, and overall happiness.

Associated Concepts

False-Hope Syndrome: This is a repetitive pattern of beginning self-change with unrealistic expectations that inevitably ends in failure.
PERMA Model: This model, developed by psychologist Martin Seligman, is a well-being theory that identifies five essential elements for a flourishing and fulfilling life: positive emotions, engagement, relationships, meaning, and accomplishment. It provides a framework for understanding and enhancing well-being at both an individual and societal level.
Self-Actualization: Abraham Maslow’s concept of self-actualization, which refers to the realization of one’s potential and the pursuit of personal growth.
Character Strengths: These refers to personal qualities that provide stability to our lives. The things we do well.
Resilience: This quality refers to the ability to bounce back from adversity. By enhancing optimism and focusing on positive experiences, individuals can build resilience.
Flourishing: The model is designed to help individuals and communities thrive, not just survive. Flourishing involves feeling good about life, having meaningful relationships, and achieving worthwhile goals.
Broaden and Build Theory: This theory, proposed by Barbara Fredrickson, suggests that positive emotions broaden an individual’s thought-action repertoire, which in turn can build their personal resources over time.
Explanatory Style: This concept, also known as cognitive or attributional style, refers to an individual’s habitual way of explaining and interpreting events or situations in their life. It is a concept derived from attribution theory and cognitive psychology.

A Few Words by Psychology Fanatic

The pursuit of sustainable happiness requires a shift in focus from temporary pleasures and distant aspirations to the present moment’s profound experiences. By nurturing meaningful relationships, we create a support system that enriches our lives and provides a sense of belonging. Personal growth, through continuous learning and self-discovery, deepens our understanding of ourselves and the world around us, leading to a more fulfilling existence.

Moreover, living in alignment with our values and exercising our autonomy empowers us to make choices that resonate with our true selves. This alignment fosters an inner peace and resilience that sustains us through life’s inevitable ups and downs. Embracing meaning and purpose as our guiding stars, we navigate the complexities of life with a sense of direction and fulfillment that transcends the superficial quest for happiness.

Ultimately, it is through these deeper, more enduring sources of contentment that we find true and lasting happiness. The path of growth can be the source of sustainable happiness. We can enjoy the process of becoming as we stumble towards our goals. We will encounter problems we didn’t imagine—exciting problems, demanding creativity and thought.

Last Update: February 11, 2025

References:

Chmielewski, F., Regener, R., Margraf, J., Schulz, S., Teismann, T., Hirschfeld, G., & von Brachel, R. (2023). The Scrooge Group Therapy: A Meaning-Centered Group Therapy for Outpatients Following CBT. Journal of Humanistic Psychology. DOI: 10.1177/00221678231172530
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Reis, Harry T.; , Sheldon, Kennon M.; Gable, Shelly L.; Roscoe, Joseph; Ryan, Ryan M. (2000). Daily Well-Being: The Role of Autonomy, Competence, and Relatedness. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin,26(4), 419-435. DOI: 10.1177/0146167200266002
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Southwick, Steven, Charney, Dennis (2018) Resilience: The Science of Mastering Life’s Greatest Challenges. Cambridge University Press; 2 edition. ISBN-10: 0521195632; DOI: 10.1017/CBO9781139013857
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