Happy With Where We Are: Finding Joy in the Present Moment

In our pursuit of wellness, we often encounter conflicting counsel. One set of instructions push, while equally important directives pull. We are left reeling from the confusion. Our desires for simpleness wash away in the competing complex systems. Present moment happiness and delayed gratification often create this type of conflict. Ultimately joy for life requires us to be happy with where we are. Joy is a present moment experience.

When these two perspectives collide, depending on our focus, we either feel guilty or justified. We take a needed break and feel guilty for not accomplishing more; or we lazily waste another week, and justify the lack of production as essential for enjoying the present. Certainly, balance is needed. But how do we measure our balance?

Measuring Balance for Effectiveness 

I suggest a two tiered measuring system. First, we need a “feeling” measurement; and second we need an objective measurement.  The feeling measurement is quite simple. It’s just a quiet assessment of current feelings. A mindful check-in of emotions flows through three important steps.

​A Three Step Mindful Check-In: ​

We revert to natural reactionary modes. Habit is an energy saving measure of an efficient system. However, many reactionary modes represent out dated adaptations. The pause breaks the customary cycle of reaction. Many use mindful breathing practices to achieve this pause. Above all, we can experiment with different methods for interrupting harmful automatic processes to create the pause. Once the reactionary cycle has been broken, we move attention inward. Without words and judgement, we examine emotional arousals.

• Feel it.
• Examine it.
• Accept it.

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After narrowing our focus, directing attention to the raw feeling affects, we can now step back and widen our view. Identify the trigger that ignited the emotion, connecting to similarities from the past experiences that sparked the same emotional response (Murphy, 2016).

Feelings provide knowledge. They don’t necessarily enlighten on the course of action to take. Feelings just provide input on whether or not we are pleased with our current state.

Discomforting Emotions and Happiness

Negative valence and weighty intensities send a powerful message that something is wrong. We may be doing something contributing to the sour emotions or it may be a biological misfiring. If we find we are not happy most of the time, then adjustments should be made. We don’t need to live a quiet life of desperation.

​We can make adjustments in many areas. Perhaps, it is our behaviors being out of alignment with our goals. Or, maybe, our environments is unnecessarily draining. Other times, we may have unrealistic expectations that misinform and commandeer emotions. Feeling measurements have value, but on their own can be deceptive, massaging information, and misdirecting behaviors. Because of the subjectivity of feeling measurements, we also need objective measurements of growth. 

One of the best objective measurements is precise goals. Not vague goals like, “I want to be happier or rich.” We need exactness that can be measured. “A workable plan identifies the particular steps necessary to achieve the particular success we desire. We can’t just travel any dusty path; we must travel a dusty path headed in the right direction” (Murphy, 2021). It is the preciseness that allows for objective measurement. We  can easily evaluate if we are succeeding or not.

No Perfect Formula for Balancing

“Openness to life requires nourishing many conflicting sectors. We embrace peace but also courageously stir up the tranquility by stepping outside of comfort. We enjoy the present but integrate the past and future into the now” (Murphy, 2017). The complexity is challenging. We must practice a cognitive switching of focus between various points of life. 

We must take time to validate emotions, appreciate blessings, and celebrate achievements. Yet, we can’t impede growth by living in the past. Chiefly, we must accommodate future needs through continual development, examining character points that need adjusting, tasks that need accomplishing, and skills that need refining. 

Accepting the Emotions Associated with Growth

One interesting achievement I have obtained in my personal path of growth is learning to embrace the discomfort of growing. Pushing beyond comfort zones stirs anxiety. We fear the unknown; but venture forward anyways. Basically, accepting the discomfort as part of me and as part of being human allows for me to appreciate and find happiness in the present.

Leo F. Buscaglia, an American author, motivational speaker, and a professor in the Department of Special Education at the University of Southern California, wrote that, “Fully functioning persons accept emotional pain as an inevitable reality of life. In fact, they take it as an indispensable stimulus for change.” He continues to explain that, “They understand that pain need not only mean discomfort but can also be utilized as a positive force for growth in humanness” (Buscaglia, 1986).

Leslie S. Greenberg, a distinguished figure in the field of psychology, renowned for his significant contributions to psychotherapy research and practice, explains that, “Validating means accepting the emotion as valid, not evaluating it as bad, but rather allowing it to be. Accepting emotion does not mean that one has to like the emotion, nor does one have to always accept everything about it.” He continues, “Validation and acceptance of emotion also helps one to calm one’s system and to effectively change the emotion. Acceptance, therefore, is the first step in changing the feeling. Acceptance, paradoxically, is change (Greenberg, 2015).

Associated Concepts

• Mindfulness: This involves being fully present and engaged in the moment, aware of our thoughts and feelings without judgment.
• Radical Acceptance: A term from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), it refers to accepting life on life’s terms and not resisting what we cannot or choose not to change.
• Self-Compassion: This concept encourages individuals to be kind to themselves in instances of pain or failure rather than being harshly self-critical.
• Present Moment: The concept of present moment refers to the idea that the present moment is all we have control of. We are here in the present and must accept it as our reality.
• Life Position: In transactional analysis, life positions reflect one’s attitude toward themselves and others, influencing how they perceive their life situation.
• Positive Psychology: This field emphasizes strengths, virtues, and factors that contribute to a fulfilling life, encouraging acceptance of one’s life path.
• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT techniques can help individuals challenge and change unhelpful cognitive distortions and behaviors, leading to greater acceptance of reality.
• Existential Psychology: This approach focuses on the human condition as a whole, including themes like meaning, freedom, and the acceptance of the givens of existence.

A Few Words by Psychology Fanatic

The point, although arrived at in a round about fashion, is feelings are important. Happiness is a feeling experience. Present moment appreciation is essential to enhance positive feelings. If we are not happy with where we are now, something is amiss.

However, our happiness shouldn’t be achieved by eliminating every stressor from our lives. This tends to invite greater stressors latter on. Part of present moment acceptance is welcoming discomforts required for growth. Perhaps, instead of defensively reacting through avoidance, we should proactively regulate with skill.

Last Update: January 19, 2026

References:

Buscaglia, Leo F. (1986). Personhood: The Art of Being Fully Human. Random House Publishing Group. ISBN-10: ‎ 9780449901991
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Greenberg, Leslie S. (2015). Emotion-Focused Therapy: Coaching Clients to Work Through Their Feelings. American Psychological Association; 2nd edition. DOI: 10.1037/14692-000; ISBN-10: 1433840979
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Murphy, T. Franklin (2017) Wellness: It’s All About Balance. Psychology Fanatic. Published: 03-22-2015; Accessed: 2-20-2022. Website: https://psychologyfanatic.com/life-balance/
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Murphy, T. Franklin (2016) Mindful Check-In. Psychology Fanatic. Published: 11-1-2016; Accessed: 2-20-2022. Website: https://psychologyfanatic.com/mindful-check-in/
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​Murphy, T. Franklin (2021) Workable Plan. Psychology Fanatic. Published: 6-1-2021; Accessed: 2-20-2022. Website: https://psychologyfanatic.com/workable-plan/
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