The Rise of Mean People: Indifference and the Erosion of Compassion

Sometimes traumatic events bring out the good; sometimes the bad. Driving home shortly after the terrorist attacks on the morning of September 11, I noticed a difference. The crowded freeways, usually a showcase for selfish maneuvering, was strangely slow—everyone in shock. The days, weeks and months following this devastating attack fellow citizens worked together with compassion and kindness. This year has been a doozy.

​We struggle with much more than an epidemic and racial injustice; common decency, kindness, and compassion have become unfashionable. Seething hate is bubbling to the surface. While this nation can survive the epidemic, and work together to address systemic practices of racism, we cannot survive the internal rot of indifference.

What is Meanness?

Interpersonal meanness can manifest in various ways, affecting relationships and social interactions. An individual can express meanness in as many ways as they can express kindness. Unfortunately, meanness quietly sneaks into patterned behaviors, even with those an individual supposably loves. Often meanness becomes a habitual way of securing personal needs and desires. Small rewards for malicious behaviors in childhood set the child on a developmental path to a vile, insensitive adult. They become mean.

The cost of being mean has long term consequences. Often, they end up alone. Unless, of course, you have money and power. Some of these mean people rally other mean people together in a frightening army of inhumanity. In these loathsome groups, meanness spreads like cancer, infecting large groups with hate and bitterness.

The stability of our families, communities, and nations depend on healthy social skills. We need less nastiness and more kindness.

Here are some key traits associated with this behavior:

• Aggressiveness: Interpersonally mean individuals often display aggressive behaviors, which can include yelling, insults, or physical intimidation. This aggression serves to assert dominance over others.
• Criticism: They frequently engage in harsh criticism or negative comments about others. This can undermine a person’s confidence and self-esteem.
• Manipulation: Mean individuals may manipulate situations or people for their own gain, using deceitful tactics to control outcomes or influence others negatively.
• Exclusion: A common trait is the tendency to exclude others from social groups or activities as a means of asserting power and control, leading to feelings of isolation for those excluded.
• Lack of Empathy: Many who exhibit interpersonal meanness show little regard for the feelings of others, making it easier for them to act in hurtful ways without remorse.
• Gossiping: They often indulge in gossiping about others behind their backs, spreading rumors that can harm reputations and relationships.
• Sarcasm and Joking at Others’ Expense: Using sarcasm as a weapon tends to be prevalent among mean individuals; they might make jokes that belittle someone else rather than promote camaraderie.
• Passive-Aggressiveness: Sometimes expressing hostility indirectly through procrastination, stubbornness, or sulking instead of direct confrontation signifies interpersonal meanness.
• Boundary Violations: Those who are interpersonally mean might disregard personal boundaries by invading personal space verbally or physically and ignoring signals that suggest discomfort from others.
• Dominance Behavior: They may seek to dominate conversations or social settings by interrupting frequently and dismissing the contributions of others as less valuable.

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Understanding these traits can help identify patterns of meanness in interpersonal relationships and encourage strategies for addressing such behaviors constructively.

An Example of Meanness

​This week in the news, a woman erupted into a racist and demeaning rant, verbally attacking a public outreach worker at a city park closed in response to the recent spike in COVID-19 cases. Her cutting attacks, fueled from hate, echoed a primitive US-against-THEM mentality. “We,” she self-righteously vented, “pay taxes.” She punctuated this assault with, “Go back from where you came from” as she stormed away. Her tirade earned her the dubious title of a “Karen.”

We shouldn’t infer a global epidemic of indifference from a single incident. Unfortunately, this story isn’t unique, repeatedly played out in countless examples across this great nation.  Perhaps, seething hatred and intolerance is nothing new. Many can attest to that. However, the hidden ugliness is now exposed through video testimonies, captured by smart devices. Our inner darkness that we prefer to deny is brought to light.

Meanness and Lack of Empathy

The internet notoriously coaxed meanness with a promise of anonymity. We attacked others while dodging normal social sanctions. But notably, there seems to be a shift from chatrooms to brazen attacks in broad daylight, meanness expressed while looking into the eyes of the victim—and the agitator feels nothing. The lack of empathy is the hallmark characteristic of mean people.

Mean people hurt without batting an eye. They intend to hurt. They do so openly or slyly through passive aggressive attacks. Their meanness comes with the following message, “I matter; you don’t.”

Have our sensitivities been dulled? Certainly, many felt the pain of George Floyd as they viewed the last minutes of his life, pleading as he struggled for air. Yet, in the aftermath, demonstrations sparked by righteous indignation were quickly tainted with violence. Many cities have suffered from chaotic anarchy instead of productive dialogue.

​The opportunity for coming together to resolve troublesome divisions quickly devolved into opposing philosophical camps, distracting issues with an onslaught of anonymous violence and destruction. America is more divided than ever. And it saddens me. Carl Jung wrote, “The high mountains, the rivers, lakes, trees, flowers, and animals far better exemplified the essence of God than men with their ridiculous clothes, their meanness, vanity, mendacity, and abhorrent egotism” (Jung, 1989). Perhaps, the example of nature may cure our hearts of the toxicity of meanness.

See Empathy for more information on this topic

Psychological Bases For Meanness

In psychology, we understand that meanness doesn’t just magically appear. There is always a cause. It would be easier just to say, “he is a bad person.” Of course, after years of psychological research, I know this is woefully oversimplified. Meanness usually is associated with personality trait groupings. Some people with diagnosed disorders (such as psychopathy and narcissism) are more likely to also express meanness.

“Three defining features of psychopathy, the personality trait characterized by lack of remorse, inability to feel empathy, and a certain amount of ruthlessness. Specifically, the so-called ‘triarchic’ model of psychopathy proposes that this trait is made up of a combination of qualities that include impulsivity, boldness, and, lastly, meanness” (Whitbourne, 2021).

Narcissism also has a long history of expressions of meanness. Not every mean person suffers from a diagnosed illness but most share some of the characteristics that contribute to meanness. Perhaps, we all have a few streaks of meanness. A trait that may contribute to survival at some level.

Labeling and Grouping Individuals

​Our propensity to assign others into identifiable groups of ‘thems’ ignores the individual. We need to reach beyond bias labels. I shudder when I hear faulty labeling, projecting broad characterizations based on race, religion, or political party. Unscrupulous politicians utilize our human propensity to fear others. They depict the ‘democrats’ or ‘republicans’ as a collection of deplorable others, magnifying the outliers of the group, painting a fearsome collective unity rather than a diverse group of individuals with differing opinions. We shouldn’t extract the absolute worst from any group and project it on every individuals that we haphazardly assign to that group.

Neuroscience of Categorization

Antonio Damasio, a distinguished Portuguese neuroscientist known for his groundbreaking work in understanding the human brain and emotions, explains:

“Preorganized mechanisms are important not just for basic biological regulation. They also help the organism classify things or events as ‘good’ or ‘bad’ because of their possible impact on survival. The organism has a basic set of preferences—or criteria, biases, or values. Under their influence and the agency of experience, the repertoire of things categorized as good or bad grows rapidly, and the ability to detect new good and bad things grows exponentially” (Damasio, 2005).

This practice of mental heuristic shortcuts exposes the laziness of the mind and the stupidity of judgment—and, by the way, rationalizes our meanness.

Kenneth Bancroft Clark warns that meanness occurs in some people because:

“A compulsive strain of cruelty runs through the total pattern of the personality of individuals who view human beings in terms of rigid categories, and who have an intense need to identify themselves with members of their group and to reject members of other groups.” Some individuals view their “own group as superior in every way; any demands for equality on the part of other groups” they see as a threat to their own security (Clark, 1988).

Of course, being mean to meanies isn’t the cure. It just perpetuates the problem. The nastiness of people, like the woman at Delores Park, stem from a complex intertwining of many conditions, mental illness being one of them (a closer examination of this ‘Karen’ video suggests mental illness).

See Social Categorization for more information on this topic

Complex Causes

Like most psychological states, meanness has a mixture of causes. Usually, starting at birth with the foundations of personality and temperament. Childhood homes and environments either help a child translate those foundational temperaments into health prosocial behavior or contribute to expanding those temperaments into cruel or inconsiderate patterns of behavior.

Robin Karr-Morse and Meredith S. Wiley explain:

“Like the research on malnutrition, the research on genetics leads to the conclusion that none of these factors in isolation causes negative outcomes. Rather, it is the interaction of biological variables with environmental variables that results in prosocial or antisocial outcomes” (Karr-Morse & Wiley, 2014).

Joseph LeDoux points to an organic cause that leads to sociopathy in some individuals. He wrote, “humans with orbital cortex damage become oblivious to social and emotional cues, have poor decision-making abilities, and some exhibit sociopathic behavior” (LeDoux, 2003).

Emotional Reactions and Mean People

Low frustration tolerance, anxiety over the future, inability to explain internal disruptions, childhood models, ignorance, and many, many other biological, psychological, and environmental conditions influence emotional responses. But we must remember that having a reason for a behavior is not a license to act. We shouldn’t tolerate socially damaging behavior because we think we identified the cause. If you can’t play nice in the sandbox with others, get the hell out, and play in your own corner.

​As a society, we should invest in solutions to factors that invite meanness. Punishment is never a sufficient response without corresponding resources dedicated to identify and alleviate conditions precipitating meanness. As individuals we must protect ourselves from unwarranted attacks, while honestly examining our behaviors, free of rationalizing justifications.

Individuals populate groups—individuals with thoughts, feelings, histories and hopes. We can intelligently express care and humanness; the attributes missing from the bigoted fools bantering nonsense from self-righteous haters.

Associated Concepts

• Sociopathy: This is a term used to describe a person with a personality disorder characterized by consistent antisocial behavior, lack of empathy, disregard for the rights of others, and manipulative tendencies. This condition is also often linked to a lack of remorse or guilt for actions that may harm others.
• Human Kindness: This refers to the compassionate and benevolent treatment, consideration, and understanding extended towards others. It encompasses acts of empathy, sympathy, and support aimed at alleviating the suffering or difficulties of others without any expectation of personal gain or reward.
• Maladaptive Behaviors: These poorly adapted actions, result from ineffective coping mechanisms and negatively impact an individual’s functionality. Characteristics include inflexibility, self-defeating cycles, and instability under stress. These behaviors aim to fulfill emotional needs, but can be harmful.
• Social Skills: This refer to the abilities and behaviors that enable individuals to interact effectively with others in various social situations. These skills include communication, active listening, empathy, teamwork, conflict resolution, and the ability to understand and navigate social cues.
• Narcissistic Personality Disorder: This is a mental condition characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a constant need for admiration, and a lack of empathy towards others. Individuals with this disorder often have a grandiose view of their own talents and achievements, and may seek to exploit others for their own gain.
• Entitlement: Feeling entitled to special treatment and expecting others to cater to their desires without reciprocation.
• Primary Dilemma: This is a fundamental philosophical and psychological concept that revolves around the conflict between our basic desires and the constraints of social integration.
• Prosocial Behaviors: These behaviors are voluntary actions intended to benefit others or society as a whole. This can include acts of kindness, cooperation, sharing, and helping, often without any expectation of rewards or benefits in return. 

A Few Words by Psychology Fanatic

As we navigate through the complexities of life, it becomes increasingly clear that while kindness may not eliminate all malevolent actions from our world, it certainly has the power to create ripples of positive change. Our experiences are shaped by our interactions with others; therefore, when we choose to embody kindness and empathy in our daily lives, we contribute to a collective shift toward compassion. This transformation does not require grand gestures or sweeping reforms; rather, it begins with small acts—offering a smile to a stranger, listening attentively without judgment, or lending a helping hand when someone is in need. By committing ourselves to these simple yet profound behaviors, we can foster an environment where understanding thrives over conflict.

Moreover, embracing differences in opinion is crucial for personal growth and societal harmony. We live in anera marked by divisive ideologies and polarized beliefs that often lead to hostility and resentment. However, if we approach conversations with openness and respect—recognizing that each individual’s perspective is shaped by their unique experiences—we pave the way for meaningful dialogue. It may feel daunting at times to engage with those who oppose us fundamentally; yet when we practice acceptance instead of spiteful attacks on character, we encourage collaboration rather than division. Ultimately, as each one of us cultivates compassion within ourselves and extends it outwardly into our communities, we create a brighter future—a world enriched by diversity where every voice matters.

Last Update: December 29, 2025

References:

Clark, Kenneth Bancroft (1988). Prejudice and Your Child. New York: Fawcett Publications. ISBN: 9780819561558; APA Record: 1956-00679-000
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Damasio, Antonio (2005). Descartes’ Error: Emotion, Reason, and the Human Brain. Penguin Books; Reprint edition. ISBN-10: ‎014303622X
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Jung, Carl Gustav (1961/1989). Memories, Dreams, Reflections. Vintage; Reissue edition. ISBN: 9780679723950; APA Record: 1964-00022-000
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Karr-Morse, Robin; Wiley, Meredith S. (2014). Ghosts from the Nursery: Tracing the Roots of Violence. Atlantic Monthly Press; 1st edition. ISBN-10: 0802196330
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LeDoux, Joseph (2003). Synaptic Self: How Our Brains Become Who We Are. Penguin Books. ISBN-10: ‎0142001783
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Whitbourne, Susan Krauss (2021). What Makes Some People So Mean? Psychology Today. Published: 8-28-2021; Accessed: 5-7-2023. Website: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/202108/what-makes-some-people-so-mean
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