Nurturing Resilience and Self-Awareness on the Road to Becoming

Embracing Change, Growth, and Transformation

Greatness—what is it? With the constant access to media, our phones bombarded with stories of greatness. Mark Zuckerberg donated Facebook stock valued over 2.5 billion dollars to local schools. Mother Teresa gave her life serving the poorest of the poor. We read in social media, watch on the news, and hear over the radio the heart-warming stories of greatness. Yet, these unusual examples don’t apply to me. I’m not in a position to donate millions or have the ability to abandon all my obligations for a life of service. I simply am in the process of becoming.

I realistically will never have a billion dollars to give to a worthy cause. My sparse bank accounts will not permit such generosity; but kindness, we applauded. We don’t need to give our entire lives to serving in a destitute village or donate a fortune for greatness. We give what we can from the depths of our heart. A kind person does kind acts. They don’t necessary perform extraordinary acts. Perhaps, they are in the process of becoming something great but in the meantime they can be someone compassionate and caring.

Key Definition:

Process of Becoming refers to the concept of personal growth being an ongoing, continuous journeys rather than a fixed destinations.

Introduction to the Process of Becoming

The concept of becoming is rooted in the idea that we are never static; we are always in a state of flux, evolving with every experience, decision, and action. It is the acknowledgment that our identity and purpose are not fixed, but rather fluid, shaped by our aspirations, efforts, and the lessons we learn along the way.

The rose doesn’t bloom in radiant beauty after a single day of sunshine; the bloom requires a succession of growth-supporting days. The rose grows and expresses its beauty only after sufficient nourishment allows for the flower to achieve its biological design. A kind character isn’t a single act but the culmination of continued acts. We smile; we help; we love. In this way, we fulfill our potential.

Rollo May (1909-1994), leading figure in humanistic and existential psychology, wrote:

“The self is made up, on its growing edge, of the models, forms, metaphors, myths, and all other kinds of psychic content which give it direction in its self-creation. This is a process that goes on continuously” (May, 1994).

Harriet Lerner explains:

“Two things will never change: the will to change and the fear of change. Both are essential to our well-being and to the preservation of our relationships. We all move back and forth between our desire to learn, risk, experiment, and grow—and our anxiety about doing so. Change brings loss in its wake, even when it’s a change we truly and deeply want to make” (Lerner, 2005).

Understanding the Concept of Becoming

The Importance of Self-Awareness

At the heart of the journey of becoming lies self-awareness. It is the foundation upon which we build our understanding of who we are, what we desire, and how we interact with the world. Our actions and motivations mostly operate in the unconscious realms of our brain. We automatically respond to our environments and then interpret our responses in a non-threatening manner. This is great for a gentle handling or our ego; not so great for encouraging personal growth.

We need self-awareness to catch these misguided interpretations that overlook key aspects of our self that should be modified for enhancing self-improvement goals.

Mardi Horowitz, distinguished Professor of Psychiatry at the University of California, San Francisco (UCSF), explains:

“With this new self awareness, you would be better equipped to handle similar situations in the future and to act more consistently with our own best interests and in harmony with our values. We often act spontaneously, in the moment, and we may not even be sure immediately that we are in the wrong. It can take time and careful self-analysis to understand how we lapsed and then to decide how to rectify the situation and restore harmony, personally and with others” (Horowitz, 2008).

Cultivating self-awareness involves introspection, reflection, and a willingness to confront our inner truths. By engaging in practices such as journaling, meditation, and seeking feedback, we can gain deeper insights into our values, strengths, and areas for growth.

See Self-Awareness for more on this topic

Embracing Change and Uncertainty

Change is an inevitable part of life, and embracing it is crucial for personal growth. The journey of becoming requires us to step out of our comfort zones and embrace the unknown.

Reid Hastie and Robyn Dawes, pioneering scholars in the study of social dilemmas and decision theory, wrote in their comprehensive research in uncertainty that:

“People who attempt to grasp the totality of situations in order to predict or control exactly what will happen seldom fare as well as those who seek the more modest goal of living with the uncertainty” (Hastie & Dawes, 2010).

This can be daunting, but it is through facing challenges and uncertainties that we develop resilience and adaptability. By viewing change as an opportunity rather than a threat, we can unlock new possibilities and pave the way for meaningful transformation.

See Living with Uncertainty for more on this topic

The Role of Time in Change Processes

Honoring the role of time, specifically through patience and persistence, is absolutely crucial for achieving personal development goals.

Development takes time: Significant personal growth—whether it’s learning a new skill, changing a habit, or overcoming a limiting belief—rarely happens overnight. It requires consistent effort and dedication over an extended period. Patience allows us to accept this reality and avoid becoming discouraged when we don’t see immediate results.
Building new neural pathways: From a neurological perspective, personal development often involves creating new neural pathways in the brain. This process, known as neuroplasticity, takes time and repetition. Just like learning a new language or musical instrument, rewiring our brains for new behaviors or thought patterns requires consistent practice and patience.
Overcoming resistance to change: Change can be uncomfortable, and we often encounter internal resistance when trying to break old habits or step outside our comfort zone. Persistence helps us overcome this resistance and stay committed to our goals even when things get challenging.
Dealing with setbacks and failures: Setbacks and failures are inevitable parts of any growth process. Patience allows us to view these setbacks as learning opportunities rather than reasons to give up. Persistence helps us to pick ourselves up, learn from our mistakes, and continue moving forward.
Cultivating self-compassion: Personal development is not a linear process. There will be times when we feel stuck, frustrated, or discouraged. Patience allows us to be kind to ourselves during these times and avoid self-criticism, which can hinder our progress.

Patience and Persistence

The necessity of time weaves intricately weaves through all significant goals. A young friend of mine recently asked, “how do you afford such a nice home when we make about the same amount of money?” He was overlooking the significant role of time. A nice income for a years is far inferior to a nice income, properly managed, over decades.

The modern mindset is overly focused on present pleasures. However, becoming is not achieved in a moment. No magical program, pill, or investment will eliminate the important role of time. Proper behaviors marinated in time produce the magical changes.

Respect for time is manifest through patience and persistence. These to traits are necessary for a variety of reasons in our efforts to become. Some of these reasons are:

We Grow From Small Consistent Acts

We don’t express greatness through a single defining deed. Accordingly, we express greatness through a succession of small acts. What small acts have you performed today?

We transform, like the flower, from a succession of imperfect days that give sufficient nutrients to support growth. Our thoughts, friends, efforts, and studies all contribute to personal transformation. We don’t need perfection but must engage in sufficient positives to sustain growth to keep us actively involved in the process of becoming.

Charles Carver and Michael Scheier posit that human behavior is “a continual process of moving toward, and away from, various kinds of mental goal representations, and that this movement occurs by a process of feedback control.” They view “behavior as the consequence of an internal guidance system inherent in the way living beings are organized.” This guidance system “regulates a quality of experience” that’s important to it. Accordingly, this guidance process is “a system of self-regulation” (Carver & Scheier, 2017).

By honoring the role of time and cultivating patience and persistence, we can create the space for meaningful and lasting personal growth. We learn to appreciate the small steps we take each day, knowing that they are contributing to a larger transformation over time.

“Success is the sum of small efforts – repeated day in and day out.”

~Robert Collier

Strategies for Fostering Growth

Growth is not a linear process; it is a dynamic interplay of effort, learning, and adaptation. Here are some strategies to foster growth on the journey of becoming:

Setting Intentional Goals

Goal-setting is a powerful tool for driving progress. By setting clear, intentional goals, we create a roadmap for our journey. These goals should be specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound (SMART). Regularly reviewing and adjusting our goals ensures that we remain aligned with our evolving aspirations.

See SMART Goals for more on this topic

Embracing Lifelong Learning

Continuous learning is essential for personal development. Embracing a mindset of curiosity and openness allows us to acquire new skills, knowledge, and perspectives. Whether it’s through formal education, reading, or engaging in new experiences, lifelong learning keeps us engaged and adaptable in a rapidly changing world.

See Gaining Knowledge for more on this topic

Building Resilience

Resilience is the ability to bounce back from setbacks and persevere in the face of adversity. The psychological component of resilience “enables people to maintain their mental health and well-being when faced with adversity-not necessarily only when recovering from trauma.” Resilience “enables people to remain effective at home and work, able to focus on relevant tasks and goals and carry them out” (Robertson & Cooper, 2013).

Resilience invites a different mindset in regards to challenges. The resilient person employs self-efficacy in approaching challenges as problems to be solved rather than reasons for quitting. By viewing challenges as opportunities for growth, we can navigate the ups and downs of life with greater fortitude.

See Building Resilience for more on this topic

Nurturing Relationships

Our relationships play a pivotal role in our journey of becoming. Surrounding ourselves with supportive, positive individuals can provide encouragement, inspiration, and accountability. By fostering meaningful connections and practicing effective communication, we can enrich our personal and professional lives.

Mary G. Harper explains that we need strong positive relationships. She wrote:

“These strong positive relationships take networking to the next level, beyond the focus of ‘What’s in it for me,’ to establish trust, cooperation, and goodwill. This level is where you can count on others, and they can count on you” (Harper, 2024).

See Social Support Theory for more on this topic

Associated Concepts

Achievement-Goal Theory: This theory is a psychological framework that explores the effectiveness of goals. It posits that an individual’s beliefs about their abilities and the motivations behind their actions shape their behavior.
Fear of Failure: This refers to the anxiety or apprehension related to the anticipation of failing at a task or in a specific situation. It can lead individuals to avoid taking risks or attempting new challenges due to the perceived negative consequences of failing.
Self-Cultivation: This refers to a deliberate and conscious effort of improving oneself through various practices, activities, and experiences. It involves the pursuit of personal growth, self-awareness, and self-improvement in different aspects of life, such as physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being.
Progress Principle: This principle emphasizes the positive impact of small wins on motivation and well-being, leading to increased productivity, creativity, job satisfaction, and overall success.
Self-Efficacy Theory: Proposed by Albert Bandura, this theory emphasizes the belief in one’s ability to succeed in specific situations. It’s related to social support in that support from others can enhance an individual’s self-efficacy.
Tipping Point: This refers to the critical moment when a small change or series of changes reaches a level that leads to a significant impact or transformation. It can represent the threshold at which a situation, behavior, or decision crosses from one state to another, often resulting in a notable shift or consequence.
Life Trajectories: This refer to the course and pattern of an individual’s life experiences, including their development, relationships, and achievements over time.

A Few Words by Psychology Fanatic

When our lives indulge in personal gratifications, momentary amusements, and selfish pursuits, we strangle necessary ingredients for growth from our environment. Starved for nutrients, our character decays, losing contact with reality and limiting contact with the truth.

Honestly ask yourself, “Am I creating an environment of growth or decay?” When we can clearly answer, we can know if we are on the path to greatness, mediocrity or destruction. Accordingly, we should look closely, examining our lives to see what it is we are in the process of becoming.

I choose greatness. Okay, well at least, I choose to be in the process of becoming great.

Last Update: December 7, 2025

References:

Carver, Charles S.; Scheier, Michael F. (2017). Self-Regulation of Action and Affect. In K. D. Vohs, & R. F. Baumeister (Eds.), Handbook of Self-Regulation: Third Edition: Research, Theory, and Applications The Guilford Press; Third edition. ISBN-10: 1462533825; APA Record:2010-24692-000.
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Hastie, Reid; Dawes, Robyn M. (2010). ‎Rational Choice in an Uncertain World: The Psychology of Judgment and Decision Making. SAGE Publications, Inc; Second edition. ISBN-10: 1412959039; APA Record: 2010-02957-000
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Harper, Mary G. (2024). Social Capital. Journal for Nurses in Professional Development, 40(4), 214-215. DOI: 10.1097/NND.0000000000001054
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Horowitz, Mardi (2008). A Course in Happiness: Mastering the 3 Levels of Self-Understanding That Lead to True and Lasting Contentment. TarcherPerigee; 1st edition. ISBN-10: 1585427802
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Lerner, Harriet (2005). The Dance of Fear: Rising Above Anxiety, Fear, and Shame to Be Your Best and Bravest Self. ‎Perennial Currents; Reprint edition. ISBN-10: 0060081589
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May, Rollo (1994). The Courage to Create. W. W. Norton & Company; Revised ed. edition. ISBN: 978-0-393-31106-8; APA Record: 1976-26086-000
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Robertson, I.; Cooper, C. (2013). Resilience. Stress and Health, 29(3), 175-176. DOI: 10.1002/smi.2512
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