The Paradox of Pursuing Happiness

Relentlessly pursuing happiness interferes with enjoyment.  Happiness, used as a motivational carrot, keeps flourishing beyond our grasp. When we envision happiness as a problem to be solved, we focus on the wrongs, the sorrows, and the disappointments. We busy ourselves with changes and continuous evaluations of our current state of being. This isn’t enjoyable; living with a problem that can’t be solved undermines our goal and disrupts the liveliness of existence. We have the right to pursue happiness, however, wouldn’t it be nice to seize happiness while in pursuit and get off the hedonic treadmill.

Key Definition:

Pursuing Happiness refers to the continually process of trying to obtain happiness. In psychology this relentless pursuit is called being on hedonic treadmill.

The Desire for Happiness

​Self-improvement is healthy. Healthy behaviors accomplished today relieve some anxieties tomorrow, improving immune systems, environments and relationships. Healthy living lightens cognitive loads in the future.

These life improvements don’t always immediately have a positive impact on our feeling experience. We feel pretty much the same. the crowning moment of a great accomplishment (college degree) or a tremendous instant of unexpected luck (a winning lottery ticket) may immediately boost our mood but typically we slip back to our normal homeostatic balance.

When healthy living becomes a habitual practice, the benefits are felt—but in the future. If pursuing happiness in the moment drops activities that don’t inherently feel pleasant, we interfere with future happiness.

T. Franklin Murphy, psychology researcher and writer, wrote:

“We hold our right to pursue happiness as sacred, perhaps, even as an obligation. If we have any chance of arriving at a destination, we must have an idea of where that destination is, and which routes will take us there. If we want to be happy, we must know our definition of happiness, and how to achieve that ideal” (Murphy, 2021).

See Human Growth for more on this topic

Misinterpretations of Happiness

The pursuit of happiness is often misguided from the start. All too often, individuals envision happiness as a continual state of pleasure. The problem with this unrealistic expectation is that pleasure is experienced in contrast to other emotions. If we stayed in a state of pleasure, even for a few hours, it starts to lose its positive feel through habituation. A group of researchers wrote, that the experience of pleasure is “by nature fleeting and dependent upon circumstances.” They continue, “It is unsustainable and the sensations it evokes soon become neutral” (Dambrun et al., 2012).

The pursuit of happiness is a universal human endeavor. Yet, the constant pressure to feel joyful can be incredibly detrimental. One significant pitfall in this pursuit is the false-hope syndrome. This concept, coined by psychologists Janet Polivy and C. Peter Herman, describes the cycle of unrealistic expectations and repeated failures that often accompany self-improvement attempts (Polivy & Herman, 2002).

Individuals with false-hope syndrome tend to overestimate their ability to change, believing that significant transformations can be achieved quickly and effortlessly. They may set overly ambitious goals, underestimate the challenges involved, and become disheartened when progress is slower than anticipated. This cycle of inflated expectations and subsequent disappointment can lead to feelings of frustration, guilt, and even self-blame, ultimately hindering genuine progress and undermining self-esteem.  

Furthermore, the constant pursuit of happiness can create a paradoxical effect. By fixating on happiness as an end goal, individuals may inadvertently increase their vulnerability to negative emotions. This constant striving for an elusive ideal can leave them feeling inadequate and dissatisfied, even when experiencing positive moments.

See False-Hope Syndrome for more on this theory

The Pink Elephant Thought Experiment

The experiment goes like this: “Try not to think about pink elephants—very large and very pink elephants.” Once the image is planted in our minds, it’s strengthened by forcefully trying not to think about it. In psychology, we call this the ironic process theory.

​By feverishly pursuing happiness, seeking to unearth negatives that need to be righted, burdens our system with a constant focus on those negatives. These endless pursuits magnify unpleasant feelings. When we try to not think of pink elephants, we naturally inviting those darn elephants into our thoughts. In order to suppress the thought, we keep provoking the thought we desire to suppress.

See Ironic Process Theory for more on this topic

The Slow Process of Change

The nature of human emotions and the intricate interplay between inner contentment and external achievements is a topic that has fascinated philosophers and psychologists alike for centuries. It is often observed that feelings and emotional states can evolve with improvements in one’s living conditions; however, these changes may be nuanced and not immediately apparent. Despite this, there seems to be a perpetual inclination to assess our contentment, peace, and satisfaction, which can inadvertently lead to a heightened awareness of any perceived inadequacies, consequently inviting thoughts and feelings we strive to avoid, such as inadequacy and disappointment.

Basically, achieving happiness through accomplishments and change is a tricky endeavor.

Contentment and Achievements

The concept of inner contentment, often synonymous with happiness, and the pursuit of external achievements, are undeniably interconnected, yet the correlation between the two is far from straightforward. On one hand, inner contentment can provide a foundation for pursuing external goals, serving as a source of motivation and resilience. On the other hand, external achievements can sometimes bring about a sense of validation and fulfillment that contributes to one’s inner contentment. This complex relationship constantly presents us with questions and reflections on the dynamics of human fulfillment and the pursuit of a meaningful and satisfying life.

In this intricate web of emotions and aspirations, it becomes evident that the pursuit of contentment and achievement is a deeply personal and subjective journey, influenced by a multitude of internal and external factors. As we navigate this intricate dance between our emotional landscape and external pursuits, it is essential to recognize and appreciate the complexity of these interactions, allowing ourselves the space for self-reflection and introspection as we seek to cultivate lasting contentment and purpose in our lives.

Accordingly, change through self-improvement endeavors is slow. We should be constantly engaged in change but, perhaps, our sense of joy and happiness should be somewhat independent from the subjective measurements of improvement.

Self-Acceptance and Pursuing Happiness

Christopher Germer, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and lecturer on psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, explains:

“Well-intentioned strategies are destined to fail. It’s not the fault of the techniques, nor is it the fault of the person who wants to feel better. The problem lies in our motivation and in a misunderstanding of how the mind works” (Germer, 2009).

Germer is pointing to the problem of the pink elephant. Our general feelings of malaise, disappointment, anxiety, depression, or whatever else we wish to squash, keeps our attention on the conditions, judging slightest variations, and enhancing their poignancy.

Germer teaches that acceptance is the path, making a point that acceptance isn’t a clever by-pass to escape discomforting emotion.

He writes:

“Within modern psychology, acceptance means to embrace whatever arises within us, moment to moment, just as it is. Sometimes it’s a feeling we like; sometimes it’s a bad feeling. We naturally want to continue the good feelings and stop the bad ones, but setting out with that goal doesn’t work” (Germer, 2009).

A natural byproduct of acceptance is that discomforting feelings lose their toxicity. However, focusing on the byproduct reduces the effectiveness of acceptance.

Acceptance stops the rigorous pursuing of elusive happiness, and relishes current beauties. In a cycle of happiness and acceptance, happiness invites acceptance and acceptance invites happiness. Germer (2009) explains that acceptance. seems to happen “more easily after we’ve given up the struggle to feel better.”

See Self-Hate for more on this topic

Balancing Acceptance with Pursuing Happiness

​Many overly structured individuals suffer maladies of the mind (unhealthy anxiety), preventing enjoyment of their achievements. Their pursuit of excellence is healthy. Their conscientious efforts to perform well admirable. The malady of thought is their reliance of perfection for self-confidence. They meticulously examine every behavior for weakness, following their harsh judgement with punishing punitive thoughts. The inner tyrant may lead to external successes but the relentless drive always prevents the crowning achievement of happiness. They constantly are pursuing happiness but will never obtain rewarding joy. Life will always provide more to do, with more goals to chase, and more errors to punish.

​See Self-Deprecating for more on this topic

Pursuing Happiness Goals

Pursuing goals and improving our lives is essential. We can’t just say life is great, lulling ourselves into inaction. Germer reminds that acceptance is not “resignation or stagnation.” (Germer, 2009). Happiness balances healthy choices that improve futures with peaceful acceptance. Healthy behaviors prevent future distressing pitfalls—the events that disrupt happiness. Life, left to its own, is in a process of decay. We must expend energy to invite growth.

Tal Ben-Shahar, pioneering scholar of the science of happiness, explains:

“While the happy person experiences highs and lows, his overall state of being is positive. Most of the time he is propelled by positive emotions such as joy and affection rather than negative ones such as anger and guilt. Pleasure is the rule; pain, the exception. To be happy, we have to feel that on a whole, whatever sorrows, trials, and tribulations we may encounter, we still experience the joy of being alive” (Ben-Shahar, 2007, p. 36).

The point is we can’t make happiness the underlying goal. The goal should be to add things to our lives that contributes to the overall positive experience of living.

Developing relationship skills deepens connections that  increase outside support. Saving money diminishes future anxiety over bills. We never perfect these life skills but our energy devoted to improvement prevents decay.

Associated Concepts

• Flourishing: This refers to a state of optimal well-being and fulfillment in various aspects of one’s life. It involves experiencing positive emotions, engaging in meaningful activities, cultivating strong relationships, and achieving a sense of purpose and personal growth.
• PERMA Model: This model, developed by psychologist Martin Seligman, is a well-being theory that identifies five essential elements for a flourishing and fulfilling life: positive emotions, engagement, relationships, meaning, and accomplishment.
• Eudaimonia: This is a Greek term often translated as “happiness” or “well-being.” It represents a state of flourishing, where an individual experiences a sense of fulfillment, purpose, and overall thriving in life.
• Self-Actualization: Abraham Maslow’s concept of self-actualization, which refers to the realization of one’s potential and the pursuit of personal growth, aligns well with the concept of eudaimonia.
• Happiness Set Point: This is the idea that each person has a baseline level of happiness. Despite fluctuations due to life events, individuals tend to return to this set level of happiness over time.
• A Meaningful Life: This typically refers to living in a way that aligns with one’s values, beliefs, and passions. It often involves engaging in activities and relationships that bring a sense of fulfillment, purpose, and satisfaction.
• Sustainable Happiness: This concept refers to a long-lasting sense of well-being and contentment that is not dependent on external circumstances. It encompasses a deep fulfillment that comes from meaningful relationships, personal growth, contributing to the community, and living in harmony with the environment.

A Few Words by Psychology Fanatic

​We continually face paradoxes, gives and takes of different priorities with benefits and costs. We need skillful balancing and counterbalancing. We never arrive at perfection. Perfection cannot be the goal of our pursuit. The carrot of perfection will continue to dangle beyond our reach, frustrating enduring efforts.

We can set time goals for time we desire to devote to a particular improvement. We can reach time goals and experience satisfaction in the accomplishment.

​There is always room for further improvement. When we over-identify with what we lack, the shortcomings spark discomfort, creating an unsolvable conflict between what we want and what we have.

Happiness improves by small degrees with stability, strengthened relationships, and improved health; but, also, essential to happiness is savoring the moment by compassionately accepting current feelings, and appreciation of the pursuit. Happiness cannot belong to the future when we arrive at some magical finishing line; we must experience it in the present. When we engage in self-progress for the sake of growth, accepting the continual path of development, we create the circumstances now for happiness. In our right to pursue happiness, we can find happiness. In the end, happiness no longer is something we pursue but something we possess.

Last Update: November 23, 2025

---

References:

Ben-Shahar, Tal (2007). Happier: Learn the Secrets to Daily Joy and Lasting Fulfillment. McGraw Hill; First Edition. ISBN-10: 0071492399
(Return to Article)

Dambrun, M., Ricard, M., Després, G., Drelon, E., Gibelin, E., Gibelin, M., Loubeyre, M., Py, D., Delpy, A., Garibbo, C., Bray, E., Lac, G., & Michaux, O. (2012). Measuring Happiness: From Fluctuating Happiness to Authentic–Durable Happiness. Frontiers in Psychology, 3. DOI: 10.3389/fpsyg.2012.00016
(Return to Article)

Germer, Christopher (2009). The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion: Freeing Yourself from Destructive Thoughts and Emotions. The Guilford Press; 1st edition. ISBN-10: 1593859759; APA Record: 2009-09433-000
(Return to Article)

Murphy, T. Franklin (2021). The Pursuit of Eudaimonia: Thriving in Life. Psychology Fanatic. Published: 5-11-2021; Accessed: 2-6-2025. Website: https://psychologyfanatic.com/eudaimonia/
(Return to Article)

Polivy, Janet; Herman, C. Peter (2002). If at First You Don’t Succeed. American Psychologist, 57(9), 677-689. DOI: 10.1037/0003-066X.57.9.677
(Return to Article)