Managing Emotional Limitations: Strategies for Self-Care
We are limited. Life events drain mental resources and depletes us. We don’t dance through existence without feeling the impact of life. The complex problems don’t always bounce off our thick armor, leaving us unfazed. We interact with the world expanding and retreating with experience. Emotional events deplete strength leaving limited strength to attend to other demands. During these struggling moments, when zapped of strength, we routinely fail to respond to partner’s bids for attention.
Key Definition:
Emotional limitations refers to our limitation to process emotional events. When emotional events exceeds our abilities, we feel overwhelmed, anxious, or agitated. This may lead to angry outbursts or pulling back in depressed or social withdrawal. Because of the damaging consequences of exceeding emotional limits, we must be mindful of nearing our limitations.
We can’t escape the biological limitations of existence—taxed minds get tired. Excited emotional episodes and strenuous demands draw from our reserves, impacting patience, energy, and willpower. A frustrating day at work climaxes and explodes with a comparatively small disruption at home—we snap. Instead of caring support, we pull back in resentful withdrawal.
“We’ve been left with a foggy head, heavy heart and weary limbs and, to make matters worse, it feels as though the world is ganging up on us, wanting more, and more, and more.”
Toxic Stress
When emotional resources are low—the deficit bleeds into other areas, creating more demand, more anxiety. Like a tidal wave picking up volume, we gather more frustrations to weigh down our system when we are least prepared to process them.
Stress and emotional exhaustion are closely related. Stress is a response to demands on the body and mind, and it can be the result of both good and bad experiences. When stress is constant and the individual perceives little or no control over the situation, it can lead to emotional exhaustion. This state is characterized by feeling overwhelmed, drained, and fatigued, and it’s often a sign of burnout.
Emotional exhaustion can result from prolonged or extreme stress, particularly when an individual feels overwhelmed by the demands placed upon them and unable to meet these demands due to a lack of resources, whether they be emotional, physical, or cognitive. Over time, this chronic state of stress can cause a range of symptoms, including lack of motivation, irritability, physical fatigue, feelings of hopelessness, and difficulty concentrating.
Unrelenting stress begins to accumulate. We refer to this as allostatic load. Susan David, an award-winning psychologist affiliated with Harvard Medical School and is known for her work on emotional agility and psychological well-being, explains “the more of it we experience over time, the more physically and emotionally exhausted we become” (David, 2016).
To manage stress and prevent emotional exhaustion, it’s important to practice self-care, set boundaries, seek support, and find effective coping strategies that work for the individual.
See Toxic Stress for more on this topic
Limitations Not an Excuse for Poor Behavior
Emotional Limitations don’t excuse unruly behavior. We must take the restraints into consideration, planning before reaching emotional red zones, preventing frustrated responses that interfere with important goals. Understanding the impact of resource limitations on our emotions, we can better extend compassion to stressed partners when they have reached their limits. Under pressure and low on energy, we (and partners) act out of character, speaking hurtful words, ignoring others’ needs and reacting without thought. Many delicate relationship moments, where trust is built, happens when one or both partners are stressed.
Daily demands deplete resources—careers, child care, money anxieties. We expend energy on countless fronts. Sometimes we are just done—nothing left. Ideally, as we mature, we develop effective coping skills to preserve mental resources for the inevitable surprises. But we never can be completely successful; life always holds the upper hand, outmatches our preparedness with blasts we can’t absorb.
“Although it is important to give, it is equally important to fill our wells, and for many that is the hardest thing to do.”
When We Reach Emotional Limitations and Hurt Others
We occasionally wear thin and attacking those that love us most. Our shortness sets in motion a chain of events, straining the relationship and bruising tender hearts. Our partners and children react to our tenseness and we react to their reaction. These realities require a mindful approach, offering repair and forgiveness.
Resource depletion is not one-sided. Everybody operates in this complex world. Partners are human, subject to depletion. Some days, when they are feeling strong, they may cajole the obstinate tired beast out of us, give us the love or space we need. Other days, however, having nothing left in their tank, they explode rather than soothe. Running on empty themselves, they fail to gracefully deal with our pettiness.
Patience for Difficult Days
Partners must be prepared for these days, willing to digest their own emotionally sapping episodes, while simultaneously giving room to their partner in their depleted state. These intense moments build or break relationships; the moments where bids for attention and compassion go unnoticed and sometimes ruthlessly scolded. We say without words, “how dare you be tired when I need you!”
An emotionally taxed partner casts bids for support, if their requests go unrecognized and unfilled mental notes are jotted in the mind. These ignored bids accumulate. In deprived states of unmet needs, fears increase and security falters. The lonely panic; their patience wanes, as they dwell on the emptiness, they are forced to face the deserts of sorrow and frustration alone. We all must occasionally, but too often and resentments form and love crumbles.
Replenishing Our Emotional Tanks
When running on fumes, the first thing we must do is quit drawing from the account. sometimes we feel we can’t pull back and keep sludging ahead, demanding more from an account that is empty. This is a path to chaotic collapse. In the end, this impacts productivity more than it helps. We must make time to replenish.
Replenishing overtaxed emotions can be a deeply personal process, but here are some general strategies that may help:
- Practice Mindfulness: Engage in mindfulness exercises to become more aware of your emotions and learn to experience them without judgment.
- Emotional Expression: Find safe and constructive ways to express your emotions, such as talking to a trusted friend or writing in a journal.
- Self-Care: Prioritize self-care activities that promote relaxation and well-being, such as exercise, a healthy diet, adequate sleep, and hobbies that you enjoy.
- Seek Professional Help: If you’re struggling to manage your emotions, consider seeking the guidance of a mental health professional.
- Set Boundaries: Learn to say no and set limits to protect your emotional energy.
- Connect with Others: Spend time with people who uplift you and understand your experiences.
- Cognitive Reappraisal: Try to reframe negative experiences in a more positive light to change your emotional response to them.
Remember, it’s important to be patient with yourself as you work through your emotions. It’s okay to seek help and take time for yourself to heal and recharge.
A Few Words by Psychology Fanatic
We must make room for limitations—our own and our partner. When energetic and strong, we must give extra energy to developing the relationships we cherish. We must prepare for those moments of weakness, giving extra effort in those moments while we are bursting with love and calmness. If we do, we will find our reward will be a little more patience when we stumble.
Last Update: March 27, 2024
References:
David, Susan (2016). Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life. Avery; First Edition.
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