Happy All The Time: Myth or Reality?

A youngster once commented, “Happiness is truly a choice. I choose to be happy all the time even when I’m dying in the inside. You can drown in sadness, but you can’t drown in happiness! You swim!” Words are just words. We can draw limited conclusions without comprehending the complex intertwining of feeling and context. But these words, whatever the intended meaning, struck me, representative of a prevailing mode of thought—positivity. The deep conflicting message of being happy, while dying inside, conveys the modern message of forced smiles while experiencing intense suffering.

​The myth that we must continually experience glee exacts a costly toll on well-being. We charge ourselves with forcing happiness. There is confusion between experiencing pleasurable emotions and living a rich and meaningful life.

Certain segments of the happiness movement popularize the myth that we must experience pleasurable emotions—all of the time; if we aren’t happy, we are defective. Happiness is a choice, they proclaim. Instead of empathy for those grieving, hurt, or downtrodden, their advice simply is: “why are you choosing to be sad?” I’m concerned with this direction of thought that has even infiltrated trained therapists.

Key Definition:

Momentary feelings of happiness are brief, fleeting experiences of joy, pleasure, or contentment that arise in response to specific positive stimuli or events in the present moment. These feelings are often characterized by a sense of lightness, warmth, or satisfaction that is typically short-lived. Examples include the joy of a child’s laughter, the pleasure of a delicious bite of food, the satisfaction of completing a small task, or the warmth of a sunny day. While not lasting, these momentary bursts of happiness contribute to our overall sense of well-being and can punctuate our daily lives with positive experiences.

Forcing Happiness All The Time

​Many awash in despair, possibly as this young poster describes, “even when you’re dying inside,” feel an uncanny drive to force a smile and ignore underlying affects bubbling beneath the surface.

Emotional expression, such as a smile, isn’t a singular event, that is disconnected to the complex stream of felt experience. Forcing one emotion over another, without exploring other complex causes for the primary emotion leads down a path to detaching from the felt experience, often crashing in severe anxiety or depression. Underlying feelings of despair is a complex construction of environments, evaluations and memories, not to be ignored and replaced with a smile. Some studies, however, have discovered a smile does positively impact mood; but impacting the mood doesn’t suggest a permanent cure for despair, or that constantly forcing a smile is healthy.

Sometimes, on a gloomy day, a smile might be all we need. Other times, however, more sinister elements are at work, requiring more than a deceitful grin that leave demons unchallenged. We should seek a more sophisticated cure. Instead of hedonic pleasure, we can build eudaimonic joy.

Feeling Like A Fraud

Faulty expectations of happiness create internal conflict. When life—at the moment—is unhappy; we slip into a battle that can never be won. Attempts for continual pleasure clash with reality, the body seeks homeostasis, not an extremity—monopoly of any one emotion. Extreme emotions motivate action; we avoid challenges, engage in pursuit, or aggressively defend. We need motivation from both the pleasant and unpleasant affect.

​We are increasingly surrounded by smiling people, chanting life is wonderful, but dying inside. How are we to empathize with those falsely expressing emotions? Perhaps, the growing masses suppressing emotional expression, pinning on a happy face, will create an epidemic of a loss of connection. Is our push for unrestrained happiness partially at fault for the sweeping darkness of loneliness that is plaguing our young people?

Henry David Thoreau said: “Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them” (Thoreau, 1854).

If the mythical land of continual happiness is what we seek, we may never sing the song of the rich, fulfilling life that includes an array of emotions, open to feeling experience of living. To connect with experience and effect positive change, we must face some difficulties that evoke discomfort.

All Emotions Have a Purpose

Emotions exist for a reason and are trying to communicate something vital to us. As Susan David, a psychologist and faculty member at Harvard Medical School, describes emotions are “a neurochemical system that evolved to help us navigate life’s complex currents” (David, 2016). This highlights the evolutionary significance of our emotional responses in adapting to various life situations.

Furthermore, T. Franklin Murphy emphasizes that emotions are “a biological reaction to experience. Incoming data from our senses interact with our biological being. Our system leaps, pulls back, or freezes in response” (Murphy, 2021). This underscores how emotions serve as essential signals about our environment and experiences, guiding us toward meaningful actions and reactions. By understanding these fundamental aspects of emotions—both their communication role and their biological basis—we can appreciate their importance in leading a rich and fulfilling life.

Eudaimonic Joy vs. Momentary Fleeting Feelings of Happiness

Understanding the distinction between eudaimonic joy and momentary fleeting feelings of happiness is essential for achieving a deeper sense of well-being.

Momentary Fleeting Feelings of Happiness

Momentary fleeting feelings of happiness refer to brief, transient experiences of joy, pleasure, or contentment that arise in response to specific positive stimuli or events. These feelings are often characterized by a lightness, warmth, or satisfaction but are typically short-lived. Itai Ivtzan, Ph.D., explains we experience a fleeting nature of happiness when it is associated with feeling affects rather than a more eudaimonic picture of joy. He wrote that hedonic happiness is “a brief experience of joy and pleasure which quickly fades away” (Ivtzan, 2016).

For instance, you might experience this type of happiness when receiving good news, enjoying a delicious meal, or sharing a laugh with friends. While these moments contribute positively to our overall emotional state and can brighten our day, they do not necessarily lead to long-term fulfillment.

See Fleeting Emotions for more information on this topic

Eudaimonic Joy

In contrast, eudaimonic joy encompasses a more profound sense of purpose and meaning in life. This form of joy arises from engaging in activities that align with one’s values, cultivating personal growth, contributing to the well-being of others, and fostering meaningful connections. Eudaimonia focuses on living authentically and fulfilling one’s potential rather than merely chasing pleasurable experiences. It promotes resilience and encourages individuals to embrace both the highs and lows of life as integral parts of their journey toward self-actualization.

Eudaimonia refers to a more encompassing view of happiness. Tal Ben-Shahar, a Harvard professor, also holds this opinion. He defines happiness as the overall experience of “pleasure and meaning.”

Ben-Shahar wrote:

“A happy person enjoys positive emotions while perceiving her life as purposeful. The definition does not pertain to a single moment but to generalized aggregates of one’s experiences: a person can endure emotional pain at times and still be happy” (Ben-Shahar, 2007, p. 33).

Ultimately, while momentary happiness can enhance our daily experience with bursts of positivity, eudaimonic joy offers lasting fulfillment by connecting us deeply with ourselves and others. By striving for both forms—understanding how they complement each other—we can cultivate a richer emotional landscape that embraces the full spectrum of human experience.

See Eudaimonia for more information on this topic

How to Create Eudaimonic Happiness

The Importance of Relationships in Enhancing Positive Emotions

Relationships play a crucial role in our emotional well-being and are fundamental to experiencing joy and positivity. Human beings are inherently social creatures, and meaningful connections with others can significantly enhance our overall happiness.

Robert J. Waldinger and Marc Schulz in a recent book recounting what they have learned from the Harvard Longitude Study wrote:

“Good relationships are significant enough that if we had to take all eighty-four years of the Harvard Study and boil it down to a single principle for living, one life investment that is supported by similar findings across a wide variety of other studies, it would be this: Good relationships keep us healthier and happier. Period. So if you’re going to make that one choice, that single decision that could best ensure your own health and happiness, science tells us that your choice should be to cultivate warm relationships. Of all kinds”(Waldinger & Schulz, 2023).

Relationships Boost Stress Management

Positive relationships provide us with support during difficult times, helping to buffer against stress and despair. When we share our joys, successes, and even mundane moments with loved ones, these interactions contribute to feelings of belongingness and validation. This shared experience fosters positive emotions such as joy, gratitude, and love. Research consistently shows that strong social bonds lead to improved mental health outcomes (Murphy, 2024). Engaging in deep conversations or simply spending quality time together can elevate mood levels by releasing feel-good hormones like oxytocin—a neurotransmitter associated with bonding—that enhances feelings of trust and empathy among individuals.

Relationships Promote Resilience

Moreover, nurturing relationships promotes resilience; they serve as a foundation from which we can draw strength when facing life’s inevitable challenges.

Ronnie Janoff-Bulman, world-renowned political psychologist, wrote: 

“In a recent review of empirical studies conducted with community samples of aging Holocaust victims, the researchers found a remarkable degree of psychological well-being and resilience; and two of the variables that best predicted good psychological functioning were self-disclosure and having a survivor spouse” (Janoff-Bulman, 2002,  p. 160).

The act of reaching out for support allows us to express vulnerability while fostering deeper connections that enrich our emotional landscape. In essence, it is through our relationships that we cultivate positive emotions—transforming everyday experiences into cherished memories that contribute not only to individual happiness but also to collective well-being within communities.

Other Practices for Enhancing Eudaimonic Joy

While nurturing healthy relationships is crucial for emotional well-being, there are various other practices individuals can adopt to foster eudaimonic joy. These practices emphasize personal growth and the pursuit of meaning, contributing significantly to long-term fulfillment.

• Engaging in Meaningful Work: Finding purpose through work can greatly enhance feelings of eudaimonia. Engaging in tasks or careers that align with one’s values allows individuals to contribute positively to society while fulfilling their potential. Whether through volunteering, pursuing creative endeavors, or dedicating oneself fully to a career aligned with personal beliefs, meaningful work provides a sense of accomplishment and connection beyond mere monetary gain.
• Practicing Mindfulness and Self-Reflection: Mindfulness techniques encourage individuals to be present in the moment and cultivate self-awareness. Regularly practicing mindfulness—through meditation, yoga, or simply spending quiet time reflecting—can deepen one’s understanding of experiences and emotions. This practice enhances emotional regulation and promotes acceptance of all feelings as valid parts of life’s journey.
• Cultivating Gratitude: Focusing on gratitude has been shown to improve overall well-being significantly. Keeping a gratitude journal where one regularly writes down things they are thankful for helps shift focus from what is lacking toward recognizing abundance in life. This practice fosters appreciation for both small moments and larger achievements alike.
• Pursuing Lifelong Learning: Embracing opportunities for learning stimulates curiosity and engagement with the world around us. Taking up new hobbies, enrolling in classes (online or offline), or exploring different cultures enriches one’s perspective on life while providing avenues for personal growth and fulfillment.
• Setting Personal Goals: Establishing clear goals that resonate with one’s core values empowers individuals by creating direction in life. Setting achievable yet challenging goals encourages perseverance through adversity while fostering resilience—a key aspect of eudaimonic joy. By integrating these practices into daily routines alongside fostering healthy relationships, individuals can create a rich tapestry of experiences that promote sustained happiness rooted deeply within their authentic selves.

Associated Concepts

• Flourishing: This refers to a state of optimal well-being and fulfillment in various aspects of one’s life. It involves experiencing positive emotions, engaging in meaningful activities, cultivating strong relationships, and achieving a sense of purpose and personal growth.
• PERMA Model: This model, developed by psychologist Martin Seligman, is a well-being theory that identifies five essential elements for a flourishing and fulfilling life: positive emotions, engagement, relationships, meaning, and accomplishment.
• Sustainable Happiness: This concept refers to a long-lasting sense of well-being and contentment that is not dependent on external circumstances. It encompasses a deep fulfillment that comes from meaningful relationships, personal growth, contributing to the community, and living in harmony with the environment.
• Self-Actualization: Abraham Maslow’s concept of self-actualization, which refers to the realization of one’s potential and the pursuit of personal growth, aligns well with the concept of eudaimonia.
• Explanatory style: This concept, also known as cognitive or attributional style, refers to an individual’s habitual way of explaining and interpreting events or situations in their life. It is a concept derived from attribution theory and cognitive psychology.
• A Meaningful Life: This typically refers to living in a way that aligns with one’s values, beliefs, and passions. It often involves engaging in activities and relationships that bring a sense of fulfillment, purpose, and satisfaction.
• Whole Person Wellness: This refers to a holistic approach to well-being that encompasses all aspects of an individual’s life. This includes physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health, as well as factors such as social relationships, environmental well-being, and overall lifestyle.

A Few Words by Psychology Fanatic

To flourish, we must face the heartache of personal and societal suffering. Reality consists of happiness and sadness; both contributing to fullness, and imparting wisdom. Sadness is not a sign of defectiveness but of passion and connection. We can swim or drown in the flow of emotion. However, our survival depends less on the nature of the feeling than our relationship with the feeling. We flourish when we accept feelings. And then, and only then can we bask in the energy and richness and life. Richness and wellness will never amount to being happy all the time.

Last Update: October 30, 2025