Some children suffer insecurity because of a bully parent. Other children have healthy childhoods but still suffer from insecurity; maybe from a long-forgotten experience or simply their sensitive biological programming. Some people are born more sensitive and susceptible to experience, while other possess innate characteristics that attract unfavorable environmental responses. Many unknown factors combine to construct the insecure personality. However, no matter what the cause, we can build self-worth through healthy practices.
Key Definition:
Self-worth refers to the value and respect one attributes to oneself. It involves recognizing and appreciating one’s unique qualities, abilities, and inherent value as a person. Building a healthy sense of self-worth is important for emotional well-being and can influence how individuals perceive themselves and interact with the world around them.
Self-worth is the sense of one’s own value as a human being. It’s not about what you do or what you have achieved; it’s about valuing yourself for who you are at your core. It involves recognizing your inherent worth as a person and believing that you are deserving of respect and good treatment. Unlike self-esteem, which may fluctuate based on external circumstances or achievements, self-worth is more about an internal sense of being valuable as an individual. It’s a fundamental aspect of one’s identity and can influence various areas of life, including relationships, career, and personal fulfillment.
Dr. Michael Thase and Susan S. Lang wrote that, “knowing that you can always respond in your best interest is the essence of self-worth and self-respect” (Thase & Lang, 2004).
“Self-worth is at the core of our very selves—our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are intimately tied into how we view our worthiness and value as human beings.”
The impact of low self-worth extends far beyond internal struggles, permeating into various aspects of an individual’s life. From personal relationships to professional endeavors, the lens of low self-worth can color one’s interactions and decisions. Recognizing this ripple effect underscores the significance of addressing and supporting individuals dealing with insecurities, empowering them to navigate life with a greater sense of confidence and self-compassion.
Feelings Self Worth
A pernicious feeling continuously nags, convincing individuals of their insufficiency. “I’m not good enough,” constantly echoes, stirring debilitating shame. For those suffering, proving personal worth is an unfulfilling venture. They always feel tasked with convincing others of a self-worth that their heart continually denies. For many, a little demon whispers—and sometimes shouts, “you can’t do this. You aren’t good enough.” No matter the outside proof, doubts of personal suitability persist.
“I know from personal experience how fear and low self worth can cripple one’s ability to succeed in life. But with a little support, caring and inspiration, miracles can happen.”
Insecurity is Not a Choice
The stupid solution often given to the insecure, a snippety little comment with well-intentioned hope to guide is, “you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself.” Yea, well thanks, Mr. Obvious. Our inner-hunger for proof of self-worth remains—logically we know the fear is unreasonable, but it persists.
Continually seeking assurance is trying to fill a void that cannot be filled. Maybe the Freudian superego drives this disease; the integrated pecking from a displeased parent lives in the cells, continually reminding you that you are a failure.
Insecurity constantly craves acceptance. Insecurities and the accompanying social feelings of shame, guilt and sorrow interfere with personal growth and disrupt relationships. The insecurity seeks—and sometime event creates—the reasons to believe we are inferior. Sound familiar?
Possible Causes of Low Self-Worth
The causes contributing to low self-worth are many and complex, woven together, stacked on top of each other, and generate strong emotion. We can’t blame a person for insecurity. We don’t know why they feel what they do. Accordingly, we must accept that they feel suffer from insecurity, holding a low evaluation of themself. Accordingly, their lack of self-worth influences their relationships and other life endeavors.
Low self-worth can stem from a variety of factors, often rooted in early life experiences. Some possible causes include:
- Childhood Abuse: Experiencing physical or sexual abuse can lead a child to internalize feelings of worthlessness.
- Other Childhood Trauma: Events like the death of a parent, bullying, or significant loss can deeply affect a child’s self-esteem.
- Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs): Difficult experiences such as neglect, growing up in poverty, or having a parent with a mental illness can impact self-worth.
- Poor Parenting: Frequent criticism, harsh standards, or lack of affection can contribute to low self-esteem.
- Genetics: Some research suggests that genetic factors may play a role in an individual’s self-esteem.
- Negative Self-Perception: Continuously comparing oneself unfavorably to others, especially to unrealistic standards in media, can erode self-worth.
- Chronic Illness or Disability: Dealing with a long-term illness or disability may affect how individuals perceive themselves.
- Social Rejection: Feeling socially excluded can lead to feelings of low self-worth.
Causes Complex and Individual
Understanding the underlying reasons behind an individual’s low self-worth can be a deeply intricate and multi-layered process. Often stemming from a combination of personal experiences, societal pressures, and internalized beliefs, the roots of low self-worth delve into the complex web of human emotions and psychology. It’s crucial to acknowledge that the journey towards rebuilding self-worth is unique for each person, and compassionate support plays a vital role in this process. By fostering an environment of empathy and understanding, we can create space for individuals to explore their feelings of insecurity and gradually work towards nurturing a healthier sense of self-worth.
It’s important to recognize that these factors can be complex and interrelated, and addressing low self-worth often requires a multifaceted approach, including therapy or counseling.
“Studies now show that basing one’s self-worth on external factors is actually harmful to one’s mental health.”
Immeasurable Worth
Our worth is immeasurable. Personal Judgments of self-worth is completely subjective; usually based on feelings. Achievements, acceptance, and even love all fall short of changing the deeply ingrained feelings that continually remind we are fundamentally flawed. Evaluating self-worth is a tricky endeavor because value is almost always done through comparison.
If we achieve self-worth through comparison to others, which qualities do we use for comparison? Unfortunately, in our race to raise self-worth, we often denigrate the worth of others. Basically, we must tread carefully when raising our self-worth. Jean M. Twenge and W. Keith Campbell wrote, “America has overdosed on self-admiration, and our ‘wonder drug’ comes with serious side effects such as arrogance and self-centeredness. In the rush to create self-worth, our culture may have opened the door to something darker and more sinister.” They continue, “but self-admiration taken too far has a distinct downside: narcissism and all of the negative behaviors that flow from it” (Twenge & Campbell, 2010. Kindle location: 298).
Accordingly, building self-worth is not an excuse to violate moral and ethical behaviors, hurting others, and self-righteously believing that serving personal needs are an acceptable practice, even when others get hurt. We must strike a fine balance be self and others, honoring our personal values without sacrificing the value of others in the process. This is a difficult task and the primary dilemma in human behavior.
See Primary Dilemma for more on this topic
Treating Low Self-Worth
Building self-worth is a personal journey that involves recognizing and appreciating your intrinsic value as a person. Here are some steps to help you build self-worth:
- Practice Self-Acceptance: Embrace all parts of yourself, including your strengths and weaknesses1.
- Set Realistic Goals: Achieving small goals can boost your sense of accomplishment and contribute to a positive self-image2.
- Cultivate Positive Relationships: Surround yourself with supportive people who recognize your value3.
- Engage in Self-Care: Prioritize activities that promote physical, emotional, and mental well-being3.
- Use Positive Affirmations: Regularly affirm your worth with positive statements about yourself2.
- Challenge Negative Beliefs: Identify and counteract negative self-talk with evidence of your capabilities and achievements2.
- Develop Competence: Build skills and knowledge in areas important to you to increase your sense of efficacy1.
- Reflect on Past Successes: Remind yourself of your past achievements and the obstacles you’ve overcome1.
- Seek Feedback: Ask for constructive feedback to learn and grow, rather than to seek approval2.
- Forgive Yourself: Let go of past mistakes and learn from them instead of allowing them to define you1.
Remember, building self-worth is an ongoing process, and it’s okay to seek help from a therapist or counselor if you need support along the way.
All these practices may help. However, often well-established insecurities can’t be discarded—remaining a part of our psychological make-up. If this is the case, we must identify the feelings for what they are: a remnant of our experiential past. We may be destined to continually hear the unhelpful side commentary, residing in our mind. In order to succeed, we must learn to act despite the bothersome internal commentary echoing insufficiency. Proper action can bolster self-confidence.
Questioning Harsh Judgements of Self
By questioning the legitimacy of the denigrating feelings, we stand strong against the normal day to day blunders—mistakes become lessons in humanity instead of proof of inferiority. Our imperfections become challenges to overcome. We learn from the mistakes only when they don’t devastate self-worth. If we seek self-worth through applauded achievements then the normal errors of striving devastate, standing as evidence of inadequacy.
See Self-Hate for more on this topic
Therapy Styles to Help Build Self-Worth
Several therapy styles can be effective in helping individuals build self-worth:
- Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT focuses on identifying and changing negative thought patterns and behaviors that contribute to low self-worth.
- Humanistic/Client-Centered Counseling: This approach encourages individuals to explore their potential and fosters self-acceptance and personal growth.
- Rational Emotive Therapy (RET): Developed by Albert Ellis, RET helps individuals challenge and change irrational beliefs that negatively affect their self-esteem.
- Mindfulness-Based Therapy: Incorporates mindfulness practices to help individuals become more aware of their thoughts and feelings without judgment, promoting self-acceptance.
- Narrative Therapy: Helps individuals reframe their life stories in a more positive light, emphasizing their strengths and resilience.
These therapies can provide tools and strategies to improve self-worth, but the best approach depends on the individual’s unique needs and circumstances. It’s often helpful to consult with a mental health professional to determine the most suitable therapy style.
A Few Words by Psychology Fanatic
If we feel we aren’t good enough, we project this onto every endeavor. Simply feeling not good enough destroys hope and deters action. But we must act, not chaotically, but pushing towards achievable goals. We can’t wait for the fear to dissipate. It may always haunt us. When personal imperfections clash with personal worth, we struggle. The conflict encourages psychic distortions to relieve suffering. Our defensive thoughts then infiltrate and disrupt clear vision. We either become too timid to explore or excessively bravado open to painful failures.
Challenge your condemning thoughts by recognize feelings of guilt, sorrow and shame and then purposely respond without defensive projections, denials and justifications. When constantly driven to prove worth (worth we already have), we drain the precious psychic resources better directed to constructive responses. We are who we are! If we unfairly judge value against unachievable measurements, convicting and punishing our souls for failing perfection, we magnify the suffering.
We may not stop all the thoughts, but we can identify the nasty demons whispering in our mind and combat them with healthy action.
Last Update: April 2, 2024
References:
Thase, Michael E.; Lang, Susan S. (2004). Beating the Blues: New Approaches to Overcoming Dysthymia and Chronic Mild Depression. Oxford University Press.
Twenge, Jean M., Campbell, W. Keith (2010) The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement. Atria Books.
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