Genuine Caring

The personal journey of flourishing never ends. The surrounding environment pounds on the hard shell of our character preparing the soul for tempering. We constantly are becoming something. The years twist and bend the soul; whether we intentionally direct the forming of character or not, we still become. We are part of the journey of life, moving with billions of others. Accordingly, we must reach out, hold hands, and genuinely care. No one should march alone.

We influence the form through mindful attendance to experience, becoming closer to our ideal, experiencing life a little fuller and a little better. Many allow the outside forces to blindly create, accepting what biological genes, family learning and society dictates. They believe they are wise and in control but steadily marching towards fate. This blind response to life fails to develop the

We, however, can gain freedom from the strict dictates of nature and nurture, loosening the chains of trajectories. But to escape the bonds, we must purposely attend and oppose the automatic processes shaping how we think and act—but we must do so kindly.

​We are not simple. Our personalities are dynamic—a multitude of traits combine and interact, creating character. An ingredient often lost when desiring to improve is genuine care. Compassion mediates the pain of growth, balancing the protectiveness of the ego, calming selfishness, and connecting the self with the larger universe.​

How Genuine Caring for Others Benefits Us

Developing a greater concern for others can have numerous benefits for both the individual and society. Here are some key advantages:

• Enhanced Well-being: Showing concern for others can increase your own happiness and life satisfaction.
• Improved Relationships: Demonstrating care and empathy can strengthen your connections with others, leading to greater trust and respect.
• Reduced Stress and Depression: Engaging in compassionate actions can reduce feelings of stress and depression.
• Greater Sense of Purpose: Helping others can provide a sense of meaning and purpose in life.
• Social Benefits: A community where people show concern for each other is likely to be more cooperative, peaceful, and supportive (Goleman, 2007).
• Personal Growth: Practicing empathy and compassion can lead to personal development and a deeper understanding of human experiences.
• Health Benefits: Acts of kindness and compassion can have positive effects on your physical health, including improved mood and emotional regulation.

By fostering a greater concern for others, you contribute to a more empathetic and compassionate world, which benefits everyone. Daniel Goleman wrote, “those who are most physiologically aroused by distress in others—that is, who are highly susceptible to emotional contagion in this range—are also those most moved to help.” He notably adds, “fostering young children’s attention to and concern for others may be an effective strategy for preventing later misbehavior” (Goleman, 2007, p. 96).

Caring and Kindness

​A component of compassion is kindness; but kindness, alone, is not compassion. Some acts of kindness are self-serving, pushing selfish goals for connection and acceptance. Often social circumstances impel kind acts. And tax deductions, encourage giving. We often serve, looking for praise and benefit, lapping up acknowledgement while glorying in acceptance. True compassion is often praised; but the praise doesn’t motivate genuine caring. When kindness is motivated by underlying compassion, the care for others is the motivator.

A compassionate person considers others during climbs to success, interactions are viewed beyond the power of the ever-present “I”. Concern for others doesn’t require us to be self-sacrificing martyrs. The kind heart is not singularly focused. True compassion also values the self; before an action, the decision includes evaluating costs and benefits to all parties (self included). Compassion tames (not eliminating) the ego’s driving need to be right, accepted, and powerful. Caring and compassion mediates the madness of the ego.

Compassion and Empathy

Another component for compassion to thrive is empathy. We can have empathy without compassion, accurately discerning feelings of others. Experiencing empathy through active mirror neurons picking up on human hurts and joys. Empathy is recognizing and feeling the emotions of others. Just as we can have unhealthy defense mechanism to deal with our emotions, we also may have unhealthy relationships with the emotions of others. This maladaptive approach to others is much different from those who are oblivious to others’ experiences all together.

Carl Rogers wrote, “when one is truly and deeply a unique member of the human species, this is not something which should excite horror. It means instead that one lives fully and openly the complex process of being one of the most widely sensitive, responsive, and creative creatures on this planet” (Rogers, 2012. Kindle location: 2,879). Great things happens to our souls when we see ourselves as part of the whole of humanity.

Rogers continues, “we could use all of our creative imagination in solving the problem, rather than in defending ourselves. We could openly advance both our selfish interests, and our sympathetic concern for others, and let these conflicting desires find the balance which is acceptable to us as a people” (Rogers, 2012).

Fear of Emotion and Caring

Those uncomfortable with emotion respond to a partner’s sorrow by turning away, or frightfully react with anger. They empathetically feel but destructively respond. Sociopaths master emotional discernment but lack the empathy to feel. The sickest minds recognize other’s emotional experience with complete apathy. Others, residing in middle ground, feel but reject.

Caring feels and accepts. Genuine caring allows for sadness to exist. Seeing the sadness evokes tenderheartedness without justifying, blaming or seeking escape. Genuine caring simply accepts—you feel sad and I will stand by you in your sadness. A compassionate person feels the pain, but knows the pain exist outside the self. The compassionate personal gracefully accepts the humanity of emotions without a driving need to change the feelings projected from another person. A genuinely caring person validates other people’s emotional experience.

T. Franklin Murphy wrote, “validating emotion is communicating to another person that their emotions are heard, understood, and appropriate. We can validate through words, expressions or behavior, providing a clear message of understanding.” Murphy continues, “validation of our emotions settles insecurities and heals wounds, creating intimate bonds and safety” (2021).

Empathy (Genuine Caring for Others Suffering)

When we see someone experiencing pain, our empathy—mirror neurons—vicariously experiences some of the pain. When we see the toddler trip and skin his knee, we feel sorrow and those most sensitive even experience some of the pain. The personal discomfort drives us to action.

The emotional centers of our brain fire more intensely, signaling something is wrong and action needs to be taken. We can look away, we can justify, blaming the inattentive mother; or when appropriate, we may help the toddler up and treat his wounds. But deeper hurts need more than a band-aide. Many relationships lack compassion. The empathetic but maladjusted partner feels the emotion and then responds destructively to soothe the pain.

When a partner returns from work frustrated, the frustration naturally is felt by the family. These are the sliding door moments of truth where relationships strengthen or erode. The kindling is in place for combustion. Do we light a match?

​Unfortunately, many instead of accepting the discomfort of a partner’s frustrations, feel it but lack the emotional skills to respond appropriately. They light the match. When a partner is off kilter, instead of compassionately accepting their sadness, anger, or frustration, many respond with the same ineptness they have with their own emotions—deny, project, escape.

Emotional Regulation Skills

When we struggle processing our own disappointments and frustrations, receiving the discomforts from others becomes a momentous task. We want to solve the problem to quickly escape the emotion. Guys are notorious for this. Many men struggle with emotions, so to respond appropriately to their partners emotions becomes a hurtful and continuous point of separation. When a partner’s problem is complex, the emotionally immature revert to unhealthy alternatives. Many seek relief by blaming the sufferer.

An unhealthy adaptation flows like this:

• We see sadness
• Empathy receives the sadness and we feel discomfort
• We place blame on the sad person separating from their experience
•  We feel relief

True compassion doesn’t seek personal escape for relief but embraces the hurt of others with warm concern. The compassionate feel the pain of drug addiction and homelessness without a relieving condemnation, offering support without condoning the poor decisions. With compassion kindness, service and forgiveness are given to relieve pain, not a gift that is earned.

​See Emotional Regulation for more on this topic

Developing Genuine Caring

We can’t purchase genuine caring in a store. We don’t suddenly gain compassion where once it was not. Lack does not become plenty overnight. Character traits exist in all of us. Some people naturally fall higher on the compassionate, sensitive and caring scale. But the ability to genuinely care care isn’t completely dependent on chromosome programming.

We are not damned or blessed to a predetermined state of being at birth. Our surroundings coax or suppress expression of biological coding. We all possess a degree of compassion. Most people experience feelings of empathy—feeling sorrow for the pains of others. The seeds of compassion can spring from these feelings. The skills to effectively respond to feelings, however, develop through practice.

Modern day isolationists are simply wrong. Too much weight is put on individual responsibility for moods, ignoring the human need for connection. We are responsible for more than our own happiness. We can’t act in complete disregard for others, justifying our meanness by citing that their happiness is their responsibility. Besides, we need each other. Therefore, we must learn to genuinely care.

Practices for Developing Genuine Caring for Others

Developing a greater concern for others is a commendable goal that involves cultivating empathy, compassion, and altruism. Here are some strategies to help you on this path:

• Practice Empathy: Try to understand the feelings and perspectives of others. Put yourself in their shoes and imagine how they might be feeling in different situations.
• Engage in Active Listening: When conversing with others, listen attentively and show genuine interest in their experiences and feelings.
• Show Kindness: Perform small acts of kindness regularly. Even simple gestures can make a big difference in someone’s day.
• Express Gratitude: Regularly acknowledge and appreciate the efforts and qualities of others. This can foster positive relationships and a caring attitude.
• Volunteer: Dedicate some of your time to helping others through community service or charitable organizations.
• Educate Yourself: Learn about different cultures, lifestyles, and challenges people face. This can increase your understanding and sensitivity towards others.
• Reflect on Common Humanity: Recognize that everyone has struggles and that we are all connected in our shared human experience.
• Cultivate Self-Compassion: Being compassionate towards yourself can increase your capacity to be compassionate towards others.
• Practice Loving-Kindness Meditation: This meditation focuses on developing feelings of goodwill, kindness, and warmth towards others.

By integrating these practices into your daily life, you can enhance your ability to care for and connect with others.

A Few Words by Psychology Fanatic

These farces of psychology have a destructive force on society. Perhaps their popularity compels the destruction of healthy social skills, eliminating the great mediation of compassion. It is no wonder, we are delving into a powerful epidemic of loneliness, destroying health, and leaving vast numbers of people in severe wantonness for more. We can’t disregard fundamental needs of connection in search of happiness. Fulfillment doesn’t exist alone on an island but through healthy, shared connections with others.

Human behavior is conflicted. We constantly battle with opposing forces, driven to satisfy the self, while being accepted by others. In the war between self and others, we will fall short, reverting to occasional selfishness—that’s okay.

​Growth is a lifetime endeavor. We recognize, realistically evaluate, digging deep into the soul to root out misdirected justifications, and then gently correct. With wisdom, we gain a keener sense of compassionate reactions; we challenge bias and judgmental escapes. By doing so, we mediate the battle, relieving the stress of the narrow focus of self, and expanding our joys in the service of others.

Last Update: March 22, 2024

References:

Goleman, Daniel (2007). Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships. Bantam; NO-VALUE edition.

Murphy. T. Franklin (2021). Emotional Validation. Flourishing Life Society. Published 12-30-2021. Accessed 6-21-2022.

Rogers, Carl R. (2012) On Becoming a Person: A Therapist’s View of Psychotherapy. Mariner Books; 2nd ed. Edition.

Topic Specific Databases:

PSYCHOLOGY – EMOTIONS – RELATIONSHIPS – WELLNESS – PSYCHOLOGY TOPICS